A
female
age
36-40,
*uri2000
writes:Please help me! I don't know what to do... I recently had a very, very complicated situation dropped into my lap. About four months ago I broke up with my boyfriend. Shortly after he moved out he found out his ex-girlfriend that he had dated just before me had just had his baby.About a month and a half ago I met him at his parents' house (where he'd gone when I kicked him out) because I missed him and wanted to stay friends, but he repeatedly tried to "put the moves on me," trying to kiss me, cuddle me, etc... He wasn't drunk or anything either...I know he has a tendency to cheat so I asked him point blank if there really wasn't another girl in his life still. Finally he admitted to sort of being involved with the mother of his child. Turns out he was snuck out to be with me that night, and was basically living with her. I got so furious that he could do that, lying to both her and me, and he begged me to not say anything because it would break apart his family. He said he would tell her himself eventually what he'd done that night. I agreed.A few days ago his child's mother called me because she had found out about the night somehow, and though he swore nothing had happened she wanted to hear it from me. I missed the call but I feel like she deserves to know he basically did cheat on her that night. Furthermore, he's recently been texting me saying he misses me in a romantic way and wants to visit me. I know if I were in her shoes I'd want to know what this guy is up to. The problem is 1) he knows she called and has since contacted me begging to keep his secret and promising he'll never do it again, and 2) I am worried about what their baby would go through if I told her. I just can't brush off the fact that he has her living in a lie, and I don't doubt he'll continue to try to cheat. What should I do??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Their are pros and cons no matter what you do.
My advice would to do what you wish someone else would do.
If you were in her shoes what would you wish to hear?
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 The fact that the 'mother of his child' is phoning you to see what he has or hasn't been up to tells me she knows what he's like...eventually she will kick him out too.
You don;t need to expend your energy on him anymore - so I would stay out of the whole situation if I were you.
It is sad that the other woman and her child will potentially be affected by this game-player, but that is not really your problem...or your business.
You did well to rid yourself of this guy...just be strong now and stay away! He's trouble you don;t need!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Hi there,
I wouldnt call her myself. But if she does call you again you shouldnt be put in a situation where you have to lie for this scumbag who is still trying to hit on you. He cant keep it in his pants and the girl he has a baby with deserves better. I am sure you are not the only girl he has on the go and his girlfriend is obviously not a fool and realises this.
So if she calls again dont lie, tell the truth. He doesnt deserve her, he doesnt deserve anyone. Do you honestly think his child would be better off growing up with a cheating scumbag as a father?
good luck.
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A
female
reader, AllyCat +, writes (3 July 2008):
 i really feel for you, you are in an aweful situation, and it is good that you have put yourself in her position. if i were you, i'd tell her, because he's not only cheating on her, he's cheating on their baby.
the earlier she knows what he is up to, the better it is for her and the baby. i've seen the effects cheating fathers have on children and it is not good. she should have the chance to find someone who will respect and love both her and the baby rather than wasting time with that loser.
and as for you, you shouldn't feel guilty, you didn't know. explain that to her and that you have the baby's best interests at heart.
godd luck and take care
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Face it. This guy wants to have two women. Or maybe three or four ... who knows. But two for sure.
He's NOT going to change. If you think he is, you're only kidding yourself.
He's made a choice, of sorts, by moving back in with his baby and the mother. Your best bet is to stay as far away from this no good character as you can.
Don't bother to tell her anything, just refuse to have anything further to do with him. If she calls, just tell her that he's HER problem now, and you don't want him. And when he comes around looking for sex (that's what he's after), just tell him to take a hike, no matter how sweetly he phrases it. The further you can get from this guy the better off you'll be.
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A
female
reader, Khandi +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I am sure you already know the anser to this one, stand completely cear of this guy. he has no intention what so ever on being faithful to either of you. he is playing a game, and he is trying to keep the both of you, i know this because I was you a few years ago, and guess what i had two children, and the other young lady he was playing me with ended up having 4 kids by the guy, and he played us both and neither of us were willing to back away from the relationship becuse we both loved him and was not willing to back down and let the other person have him. I got tired of the game by the time my oldest son was bout 5 and my other son 3. now they are 15 and 13 and the young lady is still with him and she married him but he still continued to cheat on her he had another child on her with somneone else and she stayed and she is miserable, she married him and now she is not as happy as she couldve been had she gotten out, but it is her choice to make like your ex-boyfriend's girl, it is her choice, even if you tell her she probably wont leave him, she will probably stay, you ahve to ask yourself what do you want, and more importantly what do you deserve? do you desreve to be second choice or first? that shocie si yours to make , but take it from experience get out and stay out, move one before you become the mother of another one of his children and you become forever attatched to a cheater, he is not gonna change untill he is ready and who knows who many children of diseases will have to occor before that happens? if you feel ike telling anyone anything, tell yourself to leave him alone for good!!! you can do better!
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