A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently found notes on facebook between my boyfriend of eight months and my best friend about how he had developed a crush on her and thinks shes the prettiest girl he knows. He says it was just a week that he had a crush on her and doesn't mean it anymore. Says he loves me, doesn't wanna be with anyone else! I'm hurt because both my boyfriend and best friend lied to me and atleast he's apologetic but shes been a complete bitch. I really wanna forgive him, but im so hurt cuz all the stuff he said to her is what he says to me. Should I take him back? or move on?
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female
reader, Nadera46  +, writes (30 November 2008):
I'm in the same situation now. My boyfriend has not let my best friend aware that he has a crush on her. However, I do know. When boyfriend's his eldest nephew inquired about my bestfriend...my boyfriend responds by stating "Yeah go for it, If I wasn't with my girl...I'd be going for it." I was there, in the midst of their conversation about my best friend. I was highly upset. I felt disrespected and it left me feeling more insecure about myself and what my partner's true feelings are. Afterwards, I cried about it and broke it off with him. I had been the victim of men having crushes on my friends too many times. I felt like he wanted to date me...to have a closer connection to her. This was last year, and those insecure feelings never left in regards to how my partner truly felt about her. She is a great friend and she hasn't any idea about any of this. Even if she did she wouldn't allow anyone disrupt our friendship. However, he seemingly expressed genuine apologies. He explained that he was slightly intoxicated when he commented about my friend. Then, he explained that him and his nephew joke like that at times. It wasn't funny to me. Prior to that situation, he would ask me about my friend's whereabouts, was she still in love with her man at the time, he talked about her physique etc. Some people would call it "pillow talk" but I'm no dummy. After the situation, after I tried forgiving him and moving forward. He still asks questions about her and appears to be overzealous about the response. The whole situation continues to haunt my psyche. It brings a certain anxiety when I have parties, when she comes to visit me. I wish he would've never crossed that boundary. I have tried to suppress my insecurity about it, because I reunited with him. But I can't lie the wound of that blatant disrespect is still fresh - it hasn't healed over yet.
A
female
reader, jodygirl +, writes (12 October 2008):
it's a tricky situation. i was in it recently... i may be still. the thing is if you don't have trust, you don't have love. i'm working on building trust, but he has to know that trust is something that has to be earned and built, no one has a sense of entitlement to trust unless they're willing to put in the effort to convince you they're trust worthy. as for your 'best friend' .... i'd ditch her hard core. she obviously didn't take how you felt into consideration and seems to be out for herself. like the goo goo dolls wrote, "the only way to feel again is to let love in"
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A
female
reader, jodygirl +, writes (12 October 2008):
it's a tricky situation. i was in it recently... i may be still. the thing is if you don't have trust, you don't have love. i'm working on building trust, but he has to know that trust is something that has to be earned and built, no one has a sense of entitlement to trust unless they're willing to put in the effort to convince you they're trust worthy. as for your 'best friend' .... i'd ditch her hard core. she obviously didn't take how you felt into consideration and seems to be out for herself. like the goo goo dolls wrote, "the only way to feel again is to let love in"
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A
female
reader, LindsayLove +, writes (6 October 2007):
walk away from him now. Tell him that you can't be with him while he has liked someone else, your best friend to! If he really wants you and loves you than he'll come back.But be warned, he might come back because she didn't work out. SO make sure he only loves you.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 October 2007):
 It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. It seems like you're the definite option in his life, and he doesn't want to lose you, because the other girls might not work out. I have been in this situation, and the best thing that you can do is walk away, and let him figure out what he wants.
DV1
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Did you ask him if it was only a week that he had a crush on her, who's it going to be next week?
It must have been one heck of a crush if he took the time to notify her and tell her he does. I see (not sexually) many pretty women. I don't take the time to go up to them and say "I have a crush on your, you are the pretties girl." then "nope sorry, feelings gone." Crushes don't just up and go that quick.
Let me ask you this. Do you think it's OK for a guy or a girl to have an attraction toward a friend of their partner. Even to the point that if they were single, they'd go for it?
Sure it is, but when you're with someone the attraction or crush needs to remain a silent mental feeling, not one that you act on and have a chance of hurting someone you claim to love.
I think your man was trying to play the field. This not only hurt you, but hurt your relationship with a friend as well. Why did she lie to you? What's her reason for being a bitch. Now he may have told her how he feels. Is she being this way because she doesn't like him that way, or because she does?
It's up to you if you take him back. Personally I wouldn't because if your partner really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have crossed the boundaries with your friend.
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