A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i'm 29 years old and have no friends or family,my mother died a couple of years ago and i miss her so much she was my best friend and i could talk to her about anything now i feel so alone i never see anyone as i live out in the country and only tend to see people when i do my shopping,i've lost touch with my friends,my family don't keep in touch, am on anti-depressants and cry most of the time.i dont feel like i have a life i'm only just existing,i really miss having someone to talk to - i hate my life - and i miss my mam sooooooooooooo much - i need help but don't know where to start
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Hello,
I see that a couple of years have passed but I really want to reply to this. I totally understand that being alone is difficult, and what makes it worse is the fear that others may find out you are alone if you reach out to them. I understand. However, I would suggest a few things:
1. Do you work? If so, start eating lunch with co-workers or invite them out for a drink after work one day.
2. Do you have any interests? Consider working on improving skills related to these things through a large group class. You'll meet people with similar interests.
3. Try joining a church. I am not religious, but I have noticed that those in need find churches to be soothing and friendly. The motives for individuals to be there is usually unselfish, and church goers generally enjoy helping others.
4. Try volunteering by visiting other people who are lonely. Maybe there is a person who has physical disabilities and needs a companion :).
5. Avoid sad films or depressing issues. You deserve a happy film/tv show/music. Renting a cute, uplifting film might be a great idea, and music can be very inspiring!
Lastly, realize that life is short and that you will see your mom again. She is not gone at all. You can speak to her anytime you want through prayer or meditation. She would want you to be happy, not sad, so live your life so that she may watch you be happy and feel joy, as well. So many people feel the same as you do, and you are not "weird". A lot of people need help. I commend your courage in reaching out. You are a strong person.
I hope this helps. Keep your head up.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom this year, well a year ago and I am in the same situation. Did you find an answer?
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A
female
reader, Holi  +, writes (5 December 2009):
There are alot of people in your situation. If you can connect with one of them (the right one) you could make a family of your choosing. Try CreatingExtendedFamilies.com (also at ChooseMyFamily.com) It matches adults who need family like connections in the world.
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A
female
reader, tired cupid +, writes (28 May 2009):
Hello everybody. I am a 34 year old American woman who has faced much of the same things you all have discussed. I have no truly close friends or family and my best friend, my mom, died also. It has been a lot of years since my mom passed away but I still have that deep loneliness because she was my very best friend. I have gotten through the acceptance stage. Through the part of accepting that she is gone, but it has left me drained on how to make long lasting friendships because it is hard seeing other women with their mothers and sisters and friends when I am deficient in these areas. I feel a bit worthless when I see this and I am becoming more and more unwilling to try to even approach women. I don't know what to do about this, any suggestions people?As for all of you who have not gotten to the point that you have truly accepted the loss of your loved one,the things that did it for me have been 1st, let your self grieve for this person that you have lost. This natural life has ended for them and they have began a new journey. However, our connections to them are still very much there. Don't try to bottle your feelings or ignore them. Cry when you feel like crying, review their old pictures or places that you spent special times with them, talk with people who loved them as you did. This really does help. Also, find things that you can put some of you energy into such as volunteer organizations, community projects. This is instrumental in helping you refocus energy and attention that you will spend on missing your loved one. Again, this truly does help. I went back to school to get a 2nd and 3rd College degree in Business and Mathematics and I volunteer at my local homeless shelters and food pantry. Lastly, Remember to breathe. Sounds nutty but, what I mean is take time that is just for you, no stressful thoughts of work, kids, spouses and not even tearful thoughts of loved ones that you have lost. I like to take walks and exercise and listen to music and of course shop to help clear my mind. Again, this really does work.I hope this helps at least get you to the stage that I'm at and hopefully someone can help me out with my problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Hi, I am also 29, and understand exactly what you are saying, I lost my dad 9 years ago and still miss him very much. Family and friends have not stayed in touch. My live never seems to move forward, and always have the feeling of existing rather than living. Everything I try to do seems to go wrong no matter how much effort or determination I put in. I have tried joining a variety of clubs, but unfortunately have not made any new friends. I live in the country, so have a similar problem to yourself, and am fed up with doing everything alone for so many years now. If there is anyone out there who is in a similar predicament then I would love to hear from you here at Dear Cupid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): I have just sat and cried and cried until my eyes are red raw. I lost my mum 14 years ago aged a very young 61. I feel so totally alone. I have a fantasic husband who has been so good, i really don't know what I would do with out him. How I envy other women when I see them shopping together. I don't have any sisters - brothers but I don't see a great deal of them. I have one son and no daughter - I am so lonely - I really hate life sometimes. I will never get over losing my mum, she was my best friend - I don't have another. I have no one I can talk to. I am so sad my son does not have his nan. I hope we will meet again. I wish there was a forum for women like us to talk to one another
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): I feel your pain, My mother died when I was about your age, and she was my best friend. I miss her loving me, and making feel like I ment something to somebody. My family does not keep in touch either. Before she died, she kept the family together and now I feel like an orphan. It has been eight years and I have learned to live differently. I had to break out and do different things and find new people to fill my life, because I was no longer the person I was when I had my mother. My old friends could not understand how I had changed. I find it helps if you continue to try to make your mother proud even though shes gone, because it brings honor to her. I hope you can hang for awhile, and find your way though the darkness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I am in similar saturation my mum died about 10 yrs ago. She was not my friend but she was the only one who had some respect for me in my family. I was not a happy child at home. I have real and half brothers and sisters and a father. But there were a lot of jealousies between brothers and sisters. I as the youngest child constantly experienced verbal and emotional abuses on a daily basis during childhood and as a teenager so I left my home and country about 20 years ago. So I left all my family, friends and my past ( I hope). We don’t even contact each other any more. It is very hard. I have no one to share good and bad times with. I go to attend courses at my local college to keep my mind occupied so that I don’t get too depressed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Hi, I can relate to what your saying as i was in the same position as you, my mum died in November 2004.
Over a period of time, I started to do voluntary work, joined a class at college and eventually got a part time job. I still havent got a best friend and dont want one, I cant replace my mum but have lots of friends for different parts of my interests/hobbies. You have two options....
You can sit at home. depressed looking at four walls on you own
or
Let the world know you exist, gradually go out and mix with people and remember, when you have nothing left, you have nothing to lose by trying! Good luck!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Knekhol +, writes (31 October 2008):
No, as one stated, you are not alone. And I certainly understand your feelings. Been there, and at a lot moments, still there.
But I am saved, yes a Christian, and I hope that if you are not, that maybe if you let yourself, you can open up a Holy Bible, and read the book of Psalms. There is someone who loves you very much, and I believe with all my heart that He's waiting for you to talk to Him. In the book of Psalms, there is a song, the 23rd Psalms, that tells us that the "Lord is our Shepherd, and we never have to lack..." It goes on to say that "yea, though we walk THROUGH the shadows of DEATH,that He is right there with us... and He protects us". My friend, His word is true, and you must believe, that He has not left or has He forgotten you. Reach out to Him, for you do not have to go this way alone. You are loved, and I shall always keep you in my prayers. May our tender Savior, bless and keep you, forever in His Care.
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female
reader, Coral +, writes (20 August 2008):
Just read the post by the young lady who is lonley after loosing her mum, I am 50yr old and lost my mum 2 years ago, and like you have no freinds / family left. Yes i work and have work colleagues around but cant class them as friends. I dont go out i dont have anyone to go out with. I have good days and bad days. i try to do things to keep me occupied. Everything I do i have to do by myself. I miss my mum so much it hurts. No one offered me any help in dealing with my mums belongings, moving household items. I am physically drained and very very unhappy and like you just existing. i dont feel that i belong anywhere. There are days i don not wany to get out of bed. People say I am confident, and maybe I am with certain things. but deep down I am a wreck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): My mother passed away in May and I still miss her terribly. A book I read that helped is: "The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of Our Parents" by Alexander Levy.
It's a small book w/ a lot of stories about the grieving process and how each person experiences it in their own way. There really is no right or wrong way to mourn the death of a parent.
In some ways, the death of my mother was more difficult than the death of my father. It was the final ending to their participation in my life. My brothers and sisters live in other states w/ their families but I try harder to stay in contact with them now.
After my mom died, I had problems sleeping through the night, my blood pressure jumped up, and I felt a great deal more stress and anxiety. I took sleeping pills for about a week to help reset my body. If you aren't sleeping, that makes everything worse and hurts your ability to heal. I hope your meds are helping and if they aren't, talk to your doctor about making a change to them.
The internet is a great place to vent and I started blogging to help get my mind off it. But it doesn't substitute for a caring touch from friends or family. I hope you can reach out to friends and family when you're ready. Find a way to fill that hole in your life with a love for others.
I wish you the very best during this difficult time. Although it's something most people experience, that doesn't make it any easier.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 October 2007):
 The first thing that you need to do is take a deep breath. The funny thing about life is that things grow and change. Think about it like this-things are changing in your life, bringing you challenges. You can either beat those challenges, or you can let them trample over you. Time will move on without you if you let it. I believe that everyone's got the possibility for greatness. Instead of mourning what you don't have, or have lost, go out there and create a new life. I don't talk to my friends that much anymore, so I fill my life with things to keep my interested, satisfied, and/or busy. Find something that you enjoy doing, and see if you can make some money at it.
Best wishes,
DV1
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (4 October 2007):
Talking on the internet is a good start. There are plenty of people out ther who would love to talk to you. Most everybody has to lose there mom and it is not easy, but you have only today for sure. Live each day as it comes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): Hi there
Your not alone. It is very hard to loose someone who was so important in your life. You have a hole which is still hurting alot and totally understandable.
To be honest, alot of people are 'just existing' and everyone takes a different process and different time periods to get over loss and that feeling of being alone. Everyone is different in how they handle things.
It is hard too, when your living arrangements leave you a little isolated, But, your friends and family are still out there and it would be worth trying to connect with these people, just to say hi. I have had a similar situation and people left me alone, thinking that is what I wanted and to a certain extent I did. But, I felt lonely and needed just to know someone was out there that I could talk to occasionally and re-connected, it was awesome, they all made me feel very welcome and wanted again. So try that, nothing to loose.
Sometimes we do need to give ourselves a push... We all need something to plan for, look forward to and experiance new things. Sometimes it is just a little thing that we do that gets us going again and not focusing of the sad stuff.
We all have difficult times to go through. We all have things we need to learn about ourselves through rough times in our life. Your not alone, remember that and there are many support groups, social groups and - the internet! to help you with this time in your life.
Maybe this is your time to think about a new start, new life with more in it to keep you living and not just existing. Think about the things you enjoy doing, think about what you have always wanted to do and not done.
The hardest part now for you is to get started on a new beginning. Once you get going your feelings may lift and be revitallized. Things can and will change if you help them along a bit.
All the best and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): Contact CRUSE - they're on Google. They're the best people to get in touch with about bereavement issues.
Let me know how you get on.
Phil.
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