A
female
age
30-35,
*lk23
writes:Hi all! First of all I'd like to say that myself and my boyfriend of 5 years are not quite ready (space and financially wise) for a baby. I would absolutely love one and completely broody which is maybe the reason for my feelings I'm not sure.An ex childhood friend has just announced on fb that she's pregnant and I can't help but feel unbelievably jealous and low about it. She's a year younger than me and I grew up with this girl but when we reached high school drifted apart and haven't spoken for around 8-10 years. My parents are still really good friends with hers tho and I still speak to them. I have I'm feeling like this when I know the time isn't quite right just now. She's also not been with the dad very long; not that that should matter but I keep thinking that me and my boyfriend have been so sensible waiting to have a baby etc and everyone just seems to be getting everything I want.I know i sound incredibly selfish, judgemental, immature and probably down right mean but I guess I just need some help to get passed these feelings!
View related questions:
immature, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): Don't live your life comparing to others. My husband and I met at 17, I have seen friends have children at 20 onwards and most are now no longer with the father because it wasn't planned and they tried to force the relationship for the sake of the pregnancy. We have waited until we have done the things we want to do as a couple, got jobs we wanted and had a few years to renovate our home and I am expecting our first child this year. Yeah seeing others have a child younger was sometimes a trigger for me to think I wanted to start a family too -but we have been so happy anyway. You're being sensible here, why rush a family when it's not the best time when you could wait a few more years and have all that you need.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 January 2017):
 "She's also not been with the dad very long; not that that should matter" - of course it should matter; a child shouldn't be brought into the world until the parents have been together for several years, preferably married (for legal security).
"I keep thinking that me and my boyfriend have been so sensible waiting to have a baby etc and everyone just seems to be getting everything I want" - they do, but waiting until you're in the best situation is sensible and giving in to broodiness before you're stable is irresponsible.
People say you will never be 100% ready for a baby, and that may be true, but what if you end up with twins/triplets or a baby with special needs/disability/illness? Or one/both of you lose your jobs? Something goes wrong with your car(s) and it's expensive to repair?
Those things can happen whenever you choose to have a baby, but those with savings and who are prepared for some issues will be able to weather the challenges better than those who expected everything to work itself out regardless.
I'm 21, my boyfriend is 22, we've been together almost 2 years and we get broody occasionally. Not only that, but he's in university and I'm unable to work, at the moment, because of a chronic illness, so neither of us are financially stable or have savings and we can't live together permanently yet.
We get desperate to live together, more than broody for kids (we want to adopt), but we know we need to wait until we're in a better situation - i.e him finishing his degree and finding employment, me well enough to get a job, us starting to get savings, getting a mortgage on a small place of our own (as he'll have to move in with me and my family after finishing uni and us being able to afford somewhere).
Almost every single person on the planet goes through a stage (or stages) where they want something they can't have yet (or ever). For most people, it's human nature to be broody at times, too, but it's *so* important to be stable yourself before bringing an innocent, 100% dependent child into the world.
You know this is immature and I think your better judgement will win out, as you want to be the best mother you can, not just a mother who jumped in at the deep end with no safety net for the unexpected.
There's plenty of time for you to be a mother, but not plenty of time for you to be a young adult, building her life up to a standard she's proud of and stable with. Then you can be a mother who is hopefully married, has a stable job/career (and so does her husband), has some savings and has enjoyed some adult life experiences pre-baby.
I look up prices for baby things and such, when I'm broody - it helps keep my feet on the ground.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 January 2017):
 I disagree with you completely. You actually sound VERY mature for waiting until the time is right. So many people rush into parenthood, only to find it is not the bed of roses they expected. Parenthood is hard work - physically, emotionally and financially. Yes, it is worth it, but it is not something which should be taken on lightly. You and your boyfriend are obviously responsible young adults, who are trying to do things in the best way possible. Perhaps it would help to have a discussion with your boyfriend about when you both think the time will be right to start your family? If you have some sort of idea of timeline, perhaps you will find it easier to cope with others' baby news. Good luck. I am sure you will both be wonderful parents when the time is right.
...............................
A
female
reader, Classy Debra  +, writes (18 January 2017):
I don't think this is the right time to have a baby.
You are not married - which means you are not in a committed relationship. A child deserves to be welcomed into a loving and stable home.
Also, you are not financially ready for a baby. Babies are very expensive. Have you considered the cost of baby formula, diapers, clothing, medical expenses and day care?
The decision to have a child is not to be taken lightly. Do not include the jealousy you feel toward your friend in the equation.
ACTION PLAN: Do things in the correct order: Love, Marriage, Savings, Stability, then add children. This way you are setting yourselves up for a successful future - not an ugly divorce!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): you're 22-25, you need to chill. A baby will happen, just not right now, so there is no need to feel envious. They can be envying you as you really do get it all- you get to live life and enjoy your freedom, travelling, etc. Later you will get the joys of motherhood.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Without good planning for parenthood it can sometimes be a struggle. Not that you love your children any less, but the stress over new responsibilities, whether is be financial,emotional or mental, can take away your focus on what could be better spend enjoying your baby. So a bit envy of what you would like yesterday instead sticking to what you know is best for tomorrow will all fall into place when your time comes. remember all good things come to those who wait.
...............................
|
