A
female
age
41-50,
*ellymama
writes:We're expecting our second baby in 2.5 months and I have a 15 month old at home. My mom has been a wonderful help but every time she visits us, she makes me feel like the worst mom and occasionally a bad daughter. I have a happy life and I just want her to see that and be happy for me. I love my mom and really want to have her in my life but it's such an emotional strain on me. She has had a rough life, has had two divorces, and now she has a job that is not well paid (she chooses to work freelance) and lives in a very tine apartment. She's a very strong and I admire her but I just don't know how to make her visits enjoyable. Every time she visits I feel like I have to force a happy relationship between us. Could you tell me how you would deal with your mom and your relationship if you were in my shoes? Thanks!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 Yes it is possible that she is unhappy and she is jealous because you seem to be happy. If you cannot talk to her about this then it is never going to get resolved. You need to let her know just how much she is draining you, if she turns it in to an argument and won't listen then really the only thing you can do is ask her to leave and not come back until she is ready to sort things out.
A
female
reader, Mellymama +, writes (22 May 2017):
Mellymama is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments. Unfortunately I can not really talk to her as she turns that into an exhausting argument. She take everything as a criticism and attacks you. Last night I asked her if she could take my toddler up and down the stairs without her slippers on as they're heavy and have some height to them and if one of her feet go sideways they both will fall down the stairs. She didn't say anything and I caught her looking at me with so much anger. Do you think a mom could be jealous of her child? If that could be true, I really can not do anything about it and this will just be an exhausting relationship for rest of our lives. She only has me as a child so I can not really cut her out of my life.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 No idea HOW she makes you feel like a bad daughter/mother, but she can only make you feel bad with YOUR permission. If you keep reminding yourself you ARE a good mother AND a good daughter, her visits will not be so stressful.
Does she realize how she makes you feel? Have you tried talking to her and telling her what yo have said in this post? Perhaps try starting with a big hug, then saying something like "Mum, I love and admire you so much. You have been through so much yet you are still strong and I hope I have inherited your strength to cope with life. You are so special to me but you make me feel inadequate because you do/say xyz. Can we please try to sort this out so that I am not left feeling so drained by your visits?"
Do you think she could be just a touch jealous of the life you lead because she sees it as easier than the path SHE has had to follow?
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