A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am so tired of this selfish, heartless man ive been messing with him for two years and i just lost a baby i feel hes been cheating on me the whole time now he comes in my house at 5am and claim been over nephews im so tired of this man liein, using me and abusing me emotionally. Im already emotionally messed up because i wanted my baby but to keep stooping on my heart i just feel as this pain is never going to end. The bad part is i still love him after women callin my phone tellin me his not shit! I just need to stop loving someone that honestly doesnt love me. Help me realize this disrepectful man is not going to change. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shjones97 +, writes (25 April 2009):
yes you r starting to realize that he isn't going to change.....but at the same time as long as you keep allowing him to come over you are never going to get over him. just try telling him that you need some space for a while to see how you adjust, I know this is easier said than done because you love him, but just try it, if you can maintain and do good for periods of time without seeing him, you can get over him.
good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): OF course if you look into the future - what next in a years time? You come home and find him with someone?
This man is not worth your time on so many levels. You are being used by him - you know this, you are just asking us to proof read something that needs no corrections. you already have the answer. Go do.
Get rid of him, find some one who is not reckless with your heart, especially after such a trauma. You are worth much MUCH more than that.
He is not that into you - he can't respect how you feel - go find someone who is. Don't waste your time, its so precious. There are millions of men who will love you out there. Go find them (ok not all of them, just one...or maybe two).
Hugs, Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): It sounds like you already realise he's not going to change and he's making you feel miserable into the bargain! You don't say whether or not he resides with you, but if not it's time to change the locks. I presume you hit the wrong key and meant 'hot' shit, and if so, how much more punishment are you willing to take? Other women are laughing at you - why else would they call to tell you that?
How can you still love him after all this? Do you have such a low opinion of yourself that you don't think you can do any better than him? Does he have such a low opinion of you that he knows he can get away with cheating on and walking all over you? Does he think you're so stupid that you can't see what he's been doing until 5am?
If you've got any sense you'll sling his stuff out in the street and have nothing more to do with him.
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A
female
reader, Stars20 +, writes (25 April 2009):
 He is not going to change, why? because you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and you can't never expect to change any guy when he already has a different mind set. You sound like this girl my ex was seeing or still dating who knows. He cheated on her with me behind her back. Eventhough I called her explained that he was seeing me, all she said was that he was not worth it. Knowing him, I bet he tried to get her back. He did the same with me. Two weeks after that confrontation, he was calling me for a sex encounter. Later the following months he would call me to see if we can meet. Who knows! maybe he already reconciled with the other girl, yet he continued to call me. So guess what? You need to move on. If he notices that you are a "softy" and can manipulate you, then his abuse will escalate. You will end up hurting for as long as you're with him. Believe me this is the psyche. You don't want to end up making a mistake on yourself. Walk away and don't look back. Don't accept him in your home after hours and don't answer his phone calls. Having a child with him will definitely tie you up to his abusive manipulations. It will be for a life, and a baby will never change a man. You might find yourself being a single mom just like me, struggling with a dead beat father who never cared. Perhaps you need love, but what he is giving you is not love. A man who loves you with not abuse you. A man who doesn't give a crap for you will abuse you, and that is what he has for you. That is not love. Find yourself a true man who will trully love you. Love is about respect, consideration and honesty. You don't hurt the person you "love". Do you get what I'm saying? My ex emotionally abused me, and the psychological games were excrutiating. I loved him but after my confrontation with the other woman, I noticed that this man is incapable of loving. He disrespected her by saying horrendous things about her sexual incapabilites and verbally screwed me by criticizing my character. That is not a man. So you know what I did? I realized that my life should not be controlled by any abusive man! That I have a say in my life and not him. Later that day he called to go out with me and for the first time I was able to say NO and reject him. Ever since, all I feel for him is remorse, and disgust. I am not accepting his emotional blows, I am not being a door matt anymore, I am in control of my life and I am happy. These are the things you need to realize. It took me four years to recognize that my life does not function only if he's around, or if he sets his attention on me. I got rid of a monster, I just feel sorry for the woman he's with because he was incapable to change....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Dear aching heart,I could sit here and tell you he's a liar, cheat, disrespectfull SOB and all the other bad things I could to make you feel better. But, I think I will stick to telling you the truth... YOU ARE SMART, INTELLIGENT, CARING, LOVING, RESPECTFULL, THOUGHTFULL AND DESERVING OF SOMETHING BETTER.. MORE IMPORTANTLY YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN !ANY FOOL CAN SEE THAT---NOW BE BRAVE, BE STRONG AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND THE LIFE YOU LOST. DON'T LET HIM TAKE YOUR LIFE AS WELL.YOU KNOW THIS---YOU WROTE IT...NOW GIRL,, BE IT !.....there will be time to grieve but now is not it.. you won't be able to until you get him out of your life. Then and only then will you be able to sit down and hold yourself and find some peace with this whole ordeal. But for now, Right now you have to be strong and get him out of your life.. then you our sweet strong girl and our little lost angel will find some rest.I will be here if you need to talk.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): hi. first things first this man is an idiot. I myself am male and can tell you that a man is genetically set up to take care of his family at watever means necessary. this man your with DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. you may be a lil worked up right now. take a deep breath calm, because this man is not worth this much trouble if all he's gonna do is use you in a time of loss. first thing tomorrow I strongly suggest leaving. move in with a friend or relative. as far as the stop loving thing. that is impossible. unfortunately due to HIS actions you will hurt from the love. talk with a good friend or a relative. reach out to someone you feel comfortable trusting. best of luck girl and im ashamed of men like him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): hi. first things first this man is an idiot. I myself am male and can tell you that a man is genetically set up to take care of his family at watever means necessary. this man your with DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. you may be a lil worked up right now. take a deep breath calm, because this man is not worth this much trouble if all he's gonna do is use you in a time of loss. first thing tomorrow I strongly suggest leaving. move in with a friend or relative. as far as the stop loving thing. that is impossible. unfortunately due to HIS actions you will hurt from the love. talk with a good friend or a relative. reach out to someone you feel comfortable trusting. best of luck girl and im ashamed of men like him.
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