A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really luv him lyk anything...but thatz not all...he is being 11 yrs elder to me..and am now 18.We met through net..chatted..been friends for long.... shared our pics and slowly got intimate...and fell for each other..We even decided to marry each other..he was once very happy as he never had to loose me.......But...dont know wat happened to him suddenly that he tried to make me realise many times that this can't happen ...coz he and me..we both have to face tremendous problem if we go against our parent's wish...well i cud go to ne extent fo reaching him....but now he thinks that being 11 yrs younger to him will have lots of problem in a married life..if we get married that way....he even ws bugged off by my regular fights on small issues...I did fought with him badly...but i was only too possessive...as bcoz i was scared to loose him.....i cudnt se him talkin to other gals...thtz all.....Lately though.....i finally realised that i was simply more cunning than possesive....I used to call everyday ..evry moment..wenever i was free..even called him late night regularly...started by 12am and continued till 4 or 5...for which he even used to get late for his office and got to hear manyy scoldings from his boss...he told me many times...he fought with me for being so selfish that way...but who knows the only thing i actually did is...didn't spend even a single minute without speaking to him....I Know it is really too much...but den this i never felt earlier. ..reason being i didnt think of nething else except him...I was totally lost and mad for him...and already by the time he ws fed up by my behaviour....I tried to explain him that i was sorry for all that i have done..and promised to never do it again....i told him that give me a last chance this time and i will change myself completely....i promised and so i did change maself...but he has the same which he had few months back....ya he did leave me until now...and even have started searching for a girl2 marry with..n hez gonna marry by next year..I stil talk to him on fone..regulary tht too but not the way as i did b4..am trying harder and harder to reach him...and make him feel that i can mmake him happy in evryway if he wud be mine..I was ofcourse very upset when he broke up with me...I told him many times not to leave me...but he didnt want to change and was done with his mind........I even told him that am goin to meet him very soon...I still love him that much as i did earlier..infact more then that...but am am afraid to show it to him..how to make him understand that I love him more then nething....i told him several times not to get married so soon.........he says that am boring him that way telling him not to get married........i did bore him....but i can't see him with any other girl being with him as his evryday partner...itz not a green-eyed jealousy....itz just unbelieveable on my side..my heart bleeds wen i think abt his married life..his wife..with him...in his bed ..his sex-life..all tht he'll be doin..havin children..honeymoon...am not caryin on nemore..else...i won't b able to write even......People say that wen u luv a person you must always wish for his/her happines..if hez happy vd sum1 else then let he be...but itz not tht easy to 4get sum1....atleast not for a girl lyk me.....gettin engaged in other activities as told by others will neva let me 4get him...i know that....I only know 1 thing that i luv him in all heights....and am so bad that he rejected me.....am destroyed completely....it has only led to tears and pain....since months....and not a single week passed that i was not upset bcoz of all these happnd vd me...since past 6 months its been the same...i really feel weak that way..it has already started affecting ma health now....i get vertigo many a times.....We nver met earlier....and i want to give him a surprise meet this time.....i shall get him back or not....i don't know that..but tell me one thing.....can things change if i meet him that way...will he feel for me the way which he never did before....??I really don't know wat to do....people say guys don't lyk surprises...is it true??..if itz so..then please tell me..how can a gal please him with a surprise visit..am not tryin to embarass him near any one..as told by "sum1"...i simply want to meet him once and hug him tightly..leaving with him all my love on whole......hopefully that wud make sum change.. Itz really getting diffuclt for me to except the fact that he'z getting married...bcoz each and evry day am luving him more and more.. i have no control in this as wat i am doin....I realy am confused...please frnd, help me out of this circle.orelse i'll be of noway....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, growing +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi!
i read it all,but before reading my answer cool down and relax.be patient and composed when you are reading it.
You are 18 so are you in college??your studies and career??are you doing something in that area??
am very sure that your mind has no space to think all that as it is all filled with this guy.
you never met him and it was love over phone calls.you discussed future together over phone,whatever little or more you know him is via phone again and you are ready to go beyond all the limitations for him when he is already out of it.
Who says men don't like surprises?they do as much as females but not sure if your guy would be surprised or shocked to see you for the first time ?
he is 11 years elder to you and he is behaving one.his decision is mature and would bring good to both of you in long.i don't know if he was in love with you but a guy of his age without meeting a gal would not think anywhere close to marriage.so,this makes all his promises fake ones.
i guess,this is your first love or atleast first serious crush.i know how it is when one just enters into a college and is free most of the time and one who is working and has hundreds of other responsibilities to perform.so the way you were in your relationship was just normal as this is the way a gal of your age is supposed to behave but the guy you were with was 11 years elder to you and to him you were just an immature gal who nagged him about everything.for you talking every second to him was love but for him,it could be just a peacful end to his day.
though it wasn't your fault as you two never used to meet and it was just phone that was there to connect you.you were free the next morning but he had to go to his job and this where problem starts.you realised this fact but was too late for that but i wonder late for what??what was there to end??if he was anytime serious for you then no doubt you two would have met long back.
you met him on net,don't you have friends in real life?were you feeling alone when you met him or in anykind of depression?or its just that noone made you feel so special before in real life?
what you think is love is actually just getting used to someone.i don't intend to hurt you but just want to show you the right path.
you are still ready to do anything for him when he has made it clear that he is through with it.its so kind of god that you are safe there at your home and has not taken any crazy step so far.believe me,no matter what you do for him,you won't get him if he is not seeing future with you.
he is sensible and practical and has decided for himself.
You even said that you have tried but just can't forget him.well,its bcos you are still with him.you talk regularly then how can you forget him.he has nothing to loose as he has started his search but you would just get worse and then you won't get this time back when actually you should be thinking about your career.
you cry or die but the fact will remain the same.
so gal,you need to be sensible and strong.KEEP YOURSELF BUSY.talk,walk,eat,study,play,party,cook or clean;do whatever but make sure that when you go to bed ,you sleep in seconds.
all i can tell you is start meeting people of your age and just be bold and face everfything.there are very few lucky ones who actually get their love in first go.so,now again dream about one who is still waiting for you somewhere.all this is not easy but then do you have anyother option?
this episode was written in your life to teach you few realities of life to make it better in long run so now bounce back with same energy and respect this human life awarded to you.
let me know if i could help you .
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