A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend and we've been talking about his current problems and I keep telling him the same thing over and over again but now I don't know what to tell him. I would like some help to make him feel good again.You see, he just met this guy who he's been telling me about, lets call him gin. Gin is a native Korean(moved to America) and he's super sweet(like REALLY sweet, honest sweet) and super cute and my friend really really likes him and is attracted to him and Gin also really really likes him too. (sorry for sounding so immature but that is what is happening) He and Gin have only known each other for a weekHere's the problem. Gin tells my friend that he wants to take care of him, like, he says that he sees that my friend is hurting and even though he knows he sounds weird, he wants to make my friend feel good again and he wants him to be happy.My friend, although he likes Gin alot, is really afraid to let him in because he believes that he is trash and that if Gin finds about what he's done in the past that he will run away. He's going haywire, also, because they've only known each other for one week and he's developed such strong feelings for him and he's never felt this way for anyone else except for his ex and doesn't know what to do.I keep trying to tell my friend that if Gin wants to be there to let him be there but he's so fixed on the notion that he's an asshole that doesn't deserve Gin.From my perspective, I think that Gin sincerely cares about my friend and wants to be there for him, he even told my friend that he'd 'fix' him and when my friend cried, Gin came over and wiped his tears then kissed his eyesmy friend asks why we've only known each other for a weekand I'm just like, it happens. Stuff like that happens.It is really hard for him to accept, which is completely understandable.he and I are actually the same way, the people who care about us and want to love us....we are very frightened by those people, you know?But what should I tell him? I don't want him to suffer because of that you know?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 December 2012):
 Our actions do not define who we are. Our hearts do. It sounds like he has deep seeded protection over his. This happens when someone has been hurt by someone else that was once truly in their heart, but now it's being protected from letting someone else in, with the expectation that if they did, they would be hurt again.
He needs to detatch himself from that past, and start new. That's what's really amazing about being a human being. We can make that choice. The way I look at it is the way physics has proven, and that is that time is not linear. The past, present and future all talkes place within this single moment. So if the past, and future are products of our mind, and the only truth is what happens in present experinece, then every moment in the present is a new opportunity to define, and understand who we are. That's makes us responsible for right now, and not anyone else, or any past experienc or future expectation. If I'm feeling depressed, I can choose right now not to be. When it becomes a habit, you find that where we are emotionally is a choice. If I'm angry, and allow that anger to continue in the present, that's a choice that I make. At the same time I can choose not to be. The same thing is with love of self and others. In this moment I can choose to love, and can do the same in the next moment, which is still the present. This allows us to take control of our emotions, instead of allow what we perceive as lifes experience to dictate how we feel.
I hope this helps.
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