| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Should I leave and be with someone new? I've been with the same man for 5 yrs, my first love. We have a child togther but lately all we do is fight and he is verbally abusive towards me and brings my self esteem down. I feel that we're falling apart. I don't know what to do, or if I should stay and work things out. I'm really not happy anymore and I feel the love isn't there anymore. I think I have feelings for someone else. I'm worried what it would do to our child if we split. Please help. I want to leave but I'm so scared and want to do the right thing. It's really affected my health.
View related questions:
self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HonestyPays  +, writes (11 August 2010):
Have you tried to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Perhaps he doesn't realise how unhappy you are? There are lots of things you can try before a split such as relationship counselling. The feelings you have for this other person may only be present because you are not getting what you need at home. Communication is they key. Good luck! Xx
A
female
reader, aannie +, writes (31 July 2008):
Hi,
if you feel that the love isnt there anymore then maybe you should try a trial seperation? I thhink it would be a bad idea and confusing for both you and your child if you went straight into another relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, m.werner81  +, writes (2 May 2008):
I am with a man, I have 2 children (none with him) he started saying hurtful things a year ago, I finally left 2 months ago, he promised to get help and I came back, he stayed in counseling for 2 weeks! Now its worse than ever, he downgrades my 5 yr. old son constantly, he fights with me about my son, saying I let him get away with everything (I don't, I just don't watch him like a eagle every second) Kids have to make mistakes to learn from them. I feel like a bad mother for letting him stay as long as i have, I have put my house of for sale and plan to move asap, i want me and my kids happy again, this isn't love, Its abuse, and you need to leave also, get out before it damages the kid more. My honest advice though, don't rush into another relationship, you fix you first, you'll never be able to make any man happy until you fix you. I've had to plan leaving this abusive relationship carefully, I have a house to go to in another state, and family behind me all the way to help. You can do it, I wish you luck in making the right decision for you and your children, Abuse is abuse there is no "sugarcoating" it, walk away, win the fight. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): well im in the same situation but pregnant i came home to find a empty condom wrapper in the bin and he denies it and said it was his friend but what makes it worse is its in our house on my bed and i lay there heavily pregnant, i find woman calling all the time and he says they are friends in my experience love females only call for one thing sex and if they had men of there own why call mine its more stressfull when your pregnant and have to deal with a man bullshit stressed and live in a FORGIEN country and know no one to turn to or get up and leave i wish i could leave id leave now if i had somewhere to go, but i go regardless of the child my happyness is important to as long as they still have contact, you still have a life and its very short live it
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I was pretty much in the same situation for almost a year.Basically my girlfriend was never able to accept my son as part of my life and as an important person for me.She always was jealous of his mother, and always thought that we secretly dated.This became more and more stressful to the point that she started to verbally attack me several times for things like "where should we store the rice".I presume this is what is happening to you from what you said on your post. My advice would be to leave him and never ever give him another chance. Old partners are like old nasty habits. Just like coffee, it will taste good when you drink it again, but it will upset your stomach as time passes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): i think that you should do what you feel in your heart if you don't you may be unhappy for as lomg as you let this go on, this will make everyone around you unhappy to so in the long run staying if your not in love will help no one it may be very scary but you will not want to bring your child into arguments you can be much more loving parents seperatley and if you were together and fighting all the time you would be teaching your child that this is what a relationship is,do you want that?atleast if you seperate and feel better in yourself you will give a more postive attitude towards your child and explain to her one day why things didnt work out but you and your partner would be happier that way then trying to ignore the fact you dont want to be together if you truley love your partner then try all you can to make it work if you dont you have to both find it in your hearts to let go.good luck to your future.x.x.x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): Hi I am 23 years old with two beautiful children and can't figure out if I should be with my partner anymore. We have been together for 7 years since we were 16. We have have been through so much stress and unexpected life experiences falling pregnant whilst still in school. I know I love my partner but just feel I have missed out on growing up and on so much of life. My partner keeps telling me that he wants to experience other sexual partners because he hasn't been with anyone else. He is alway unhappy. He had a very bad child hood which I also think has a lot to do with the way he is.
When we go out together he is very rude, puts me down and calls me names. The think that bothes me is people have started saying he did this and said that. I don't know I just feel lost. I feel he is staying because of our children and because he feels he has to look after me because he always has but inturn he resents me. I feel we are trying to save our partnership for our children. My partner has gone away for work I do miss him but also think I just miss the company he has treated my really badly in the past and we fight quite a lot. I have spoken to him about and I know if I said I am leaving he would just agree and say it is for the best so that scares me.
...............................
A
reader, kris +, writes (18 August 2005):
I was in the same situation, the only difference is my kids was from a previous marriage which made it worse. I finally stepped up for myself and had the courage to end it. It wasn't easy, and I am sure it would be alot harder because he is the father of your child. It will only get worse unless you can talk to him and convince him that he has some problems and to get some help. I tried that tactic but it didn't get me anywhere so I finally said enough is anough. Be strong and think of your child, they are an importamt part of your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (16 August 2005):
It sounds as though you haven't been getting on for a while now. I assume from your message that you have already tried speaking to your partner about the problems you are having, and the sadness that you feel? Does he know what effect his cruel words have upon you?
From what I can gather, you have attempted to work at the relationship and now you continuing to stay in this emotionally abusive relationship is destroying your mental and physical welfare. You have not only your own feelings to consider, but more importantly, those of the child. Your child is at a vulnerable and impressionable age. If he/she is raised in an environment where there is conflict, and witnesses his/her father verbally abusing their partner, the child will believe that these patterns of behaviour are normal and adopt these behaviours into adulthood. How would you feel if you were responsible for that?
If things do not improve, and it sounds as though you are at the end of your tether, then you seriously must consider leaving. It will be a difficult wrench and take planning, you are probably wiser to find your own place for yourself and your child. Moving in with family/friends means that you are not commited to leaving the relationship and will be tempted to return to your partner. Your child is at an age now where he/she is receptive to, and adaptable to change. A split is almost inevitably on the cards between you and your partner, and surely it is better for you to do this sooner rather than later, to minimise the pain for yourself and your child?
Although you may have feelings for somebody else avoid rushing into a deep relationship with this person or involving them in your child's life until you have had a decent length of time to adjust to your new living situation. What your child needs most of all now is raising in a loving and stable environment, and if you can provide that better alone than with your partner, then you know what your answer is.
All the best
...............................
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (15 August 2005):
 Sometimes when children are involved, we have to make tough decisions for ourselves. It may seem like it will affect the kids...but you are really saving yourself so you and you kid can be safe and sane in one place. When someone you love puts you down in such a bad way...it hurts. Don't worry I am sure you will okay with no one attacking your self esteem. My unprofessional advice would be to leave...you or your kid don't need that okay. And I don't suggest you jump into anything right away, I know you may need a friend...leave it at that..give yourself time to sort out YOU first then anything can come after. Take care of you and your kid first...this maybe guy...be friends first ...you and your child are most important.
Take care...ana
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005): Only you can deside if it's time to leave your relationship. Do you think your child would be happier in the long run if you and your partner don't get along and your home is a negative enviroment? children are very perceptive of any bad feeling and will sense if there is hostility. If you have no hope left that you could work your problems out it could be time to end it. Think carefully about what is best for all of you before you decide what to do.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005): Hi,
i think you should leave this relationship and find someone else who treats you right and isn't abusive towards you.
get out before it's too late, abusive relationships aren't good for you or your child.
Chris
...............................
|
