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male
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*oodrow
writes: My girlfriend and I were engaged to wed in March 05. Three days before the wedding she ended the relationship and although pregnant, cut all ties. March 16th we spoke again and she told me she miscarried. March 17th she calls a friend of mine to hang out late at night. Eventually they became lovers. We got back with one another in late May after she and friend had an on and off relationship. Ever since, she has been less than truthful about her sex life and emotions regarding the friend. Does she just not want to talk about something she thinks might hurt me or is she lying to hide unreconciled feelings for him? Please why does she feel justified with dishonesty?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005): (This was submitted by an anonymous reader, in another part of this site. --DearCupid.org)
My fiance is convinced that I am lying about what I did while we were broken up. We broke up at the beginning of March and reconciled towards the end of May. During our time apart I hung out with a mutual friend(then he was), and at the beginning of May we slept together twice. My fiance is convinced it was more times than that, and all of the other things that go along with insecurities. He does have a valid reason for questioning it because I wasnt honest up front about the number of times and a few other things, but I have confessed those silly lies and told him everything there is to know. I love my fiance so much and I am so happy that we are back together that I cant wait to start our lives as one. How do you convince someone who means so much that the answer you are giving him over and over cant change because it's the truth? Help I want this to work more than anything I've ever wanted.
A
female
reader, genuine +, writes (15 August 2005):
Wow, it sounds like you have had a rocky relationship with your ex-fiance. But I need to know why she called the wedding off just three days before and while pregnant? Were things no t working between you? And what makes you think she is lying about the events that happened after she broke it off with you? There are a few things missing from your question that I would need answers to in order to give you my best advice, but I will try anyway. It sounds like that your ex-fiance was probably hurting and confused after breaking off her wedding(which you know is every girls dream day), and losing a baby. Those events alone are very catastrophic to a human being. This friend probably was not looking out for her best interests and probably used her while she was vulnerable and she feels ashamed. This could also be a reason you think she is uncomfortable talking about it. Not to hurt you but to protect herself because she feel that she is with the man she loves and who cares about the guy that used me? And what do you mean by less than truthful? Did she tell you that she had had sex with him? Because if she did then when, where, how many times, and any other circumstance surrounding that is irrelavant to the relationship you are in now with her. Did you have any sexual relations while apart? She needs to know the truth about whether you did or not if you havent told her. There is an underlying reason you beleive so strongly in your opinion that she is lying. Have you caught her talking to this guy or seen them together or something of that nature? After breaking off a marriage like she did I would think that if she wanted to be with someone other than you she would never have gotten back with you in May. I am sure she knows how bad she made the situation in March, and how it made you feel being cast aside like you were. A woman doesn't get back with an ex for the heck of it. She must really love you and she probably knows that after a deal like that you dont trust her, which I'm guessing you don't. And yes of course talking about sexual things with someone other than the partner you were spending the rest of your life with is very hard to do without thinking they may get hurt again by your past actions. My advice to you is to try and accept the fact that she made some choices while you were not together and you cant change them. You should try not being so convinced she is lying about her emotions towards this guy who as I stated earlier probably used her and she has already had to deal with that on her own because it had nothing to do with you at the time. If you dont trust her, than you need to try to rebuild it or you should move on. If she has done nothing to indicate that she still likes him or wants to go back with him, then stop your worrying. She has chosen to take you back and you have chosen to take her back because you are in love and you want this to work. So either start trusting her again, move on in your life, or keep looking at the past and questioning her answers she has given you over the past three months. I am sure you are tired of the conversation as well as her. I wish you luck and I hope I could help at least a little. Forgive her and forget the past because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel with your back turned to it.
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