A
female
age
41-50,
*ayray74
writes:My husband and I have been married for nine years and we have three wonderful kids. He works at the local sherrif's department and I work at a local lawyer's office. I work from 8:00a.m.-5:00p.m. and he works from 4:00p.m.-midnight. During the day, he watches our three year son. My problem is that he does nothing during the day to help me. I have threatened to leave him in the past because of this. I even gave him one easy chore (load and unload the dishwasher) and he won't even do that. All he does is walk around and complain about his medical problems and talk about how he doesn't feel good. I have to do everything, inside the home and outside. I asked him to use the yard sweeper to sweep up pine straw in our front yard and he wouldn't do that because he said it "looked cloudy". I am at my wits end. Every time I talk divorce, he gets better about things and starts helping and then about two or three weeks later, he's back to old habits. Then I have to work an 8 hour shift and work and then stay up to midnight or later to do stuff he could have easily accomplished. Should I divorce him or should I leave with the kids and show him I'm serious.
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female
reader, maelene +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Do you think maybe you can be a little grateful about what your hubby does do for you? Just a little? I mean he seems like a good man, he works long hours, he has medical problems and is a hard worker, he takes care of his wife and children and maybe he just wants to relax a little when he gets home. Now he has to hear that you are going to leave him which stresses him out even more. I understand you have a big workload yourself and you are doing a lot, but remember you two are into this together. You must work as a team. He may not clean up after the house or the yardwork but he is helping in other ways and I hope you can see his efforts. Have you considered a babysitter or a housekeeper? There are neighborhood kids who can help cleaning up for a small fee. Be grateful there are alot of people who have to do it all alone but you have a great hubby on your sideMaelene
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (20 April 2010):
 I think you have a lot of things going on in your lives right now. You are both holding down full time jobs, and raising three kids. I applaud you both especially during this tough economy. Before you toss him out, is there anyway that he could change his work shift to be more like yours? One of the biggest problems I see is that you two are married and aren't able to spend any time together. Sure his lazyness is annoying and disrespectful, but he is doing some good thinks: watching your (and his) son and holding down a steady job. Maybe he is depressed and won't let you know how he feels.
All I am saying is hire a gardner and a babysitter and give your marriage another shot. If it really isn't working, you can always get a divorce.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 i dont think its reasonable to leave purely based on lack of chores if he is nice in other respects as you could just employ a cleaner. also, i think you need to bear in mind that if he is working an eight hour shift until midnight, he is unlikely to get home, in bed and asleep before 1am, and then he is getting up to deal with a 3 year old (no mean feat) by 7.30am or thereabouts, he is probably exhausted too! especially if he does have health problems. It sounds like you are both exhausted, you barely spend any time together at all, and when you do see each other its just time where you nag him about chores or threaten him with divorce! its not the ideal family situation and its no wonder you are both miserable. I think you need to employ a cleaner first and foremost, even just one or two days a week to take the pressure off. Secondly you should remember that while he may not be doing housework jobs, looking after a 3 year old is a job in itself! also i think you need to spend some more time with your husband, when you are both relaxed and not arguing or nagging. get a baby sitter a couple of times a month and spend quality time together. daily life is tough, and we all need to get away from that sometimes. i wish you the very best of luck x
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (20 April 2010):
I think you should leave for a while and see if he wont do those things for himself, including cooking for himself.
Some times, we as humans dont appreciate what we have until we lose it.
He will learn to appreciate and help you around the house.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Hun, if he doesnt want to help you around the house, then get someone to help you... get a char and tell him he has to contribute to 50% of their wages... get a garden service to assist in the garden....
You cannot possibly hold down a full time job, manage a household, a garden and your family and still have a smile on your face!!
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): What one man won't do, another man will. Ditch his lazy, useless ass. And even if you never remarry, at least you won't have to listen to him bitch.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): I totally agree with pink topaz, although I do understand that he should do some of the simple chores so you dont HAVE to pay someone else to do it. How about you make him a *SIMPLE* chorelist everyday with a different chore put only one chore a day, and tell him this is the thing he needs to do that day in order to keep you and help maintain the house. That is HIS house and HIS children that make the messes too, so he NEEDS to pitch in. If he doesn't do what is necessary than I think you should go visit someone for a week or two (someone local so you can still work, a friend or relative)And let HIM deal with himself and the children... like clean up after himself and them. He can hire a baby sitter for the week. If he doesn't want to keep paying that bill for child care, he'll start cleaning. Sound probable?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (20 April 2010):
If he's not going to do it, then get someone else who will! I don't mean another man, but if he can't do simple chores around the house, then get someone to come to the house once a week or every other week to clean. It's usually not that expensive and I think it will be worth it so you don't feel like you're doing everything and wind up overwhelmed. Get some kid in the neighborhood to do some of your yard work and pay him 20 bucks. Problem solved. Once your husband sees that you got someone else to help out, he might get off his ass a little more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): i say leave with the kids and show him what he is doing to u! hopefully he will see what he has done wrong and change. if that doesnt work your better off without him.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Having a lazy husband is like having no husband and it does not change anything even if you were to live alone.
Some men will only do what you want when they stare in the face of divorce or separations. They don't get serious and have the could not care less attitude. After sometime,they will revert back to their old bad habits .They need to be reminded now and then about their responsibilities.
If your patience is already thin, get a divorce
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