A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello :)Straight to the core.I am a 29 year old (single) man. I have been seeing my doctor on a regular basis due to several personal problems. Now, I think I love her. I used to think that I liked her, buuut these feelings are too familiar. =\Sooo... I don't want to lose the doctor who have helped me oh so much for nearly half a year. We have had an open and honest professional relationship so far, but these feelings I am trying to hide (although I'm almost sure she has noticed...) but it's hard to conceal them, camouflage them. It could also lead to other problems, as our relationship is based on me being honest, if she tells that I'm hiding something and doesn't know what she could believe that I'm hiding something else.I want to give her the compliment, I told her she was cute once and she took that compliment really well. I don't think anything besides a professional relationship is a possibility here, but I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop feeling what I'm feeling, I've given it 3 months to go away and it doesn't on the contrary. I'd hate it sooo much if I lost my amazing doctor over this. Okay, let me sum this up in a flash.My I like the person that has been my doctor for almost half a year too much, I don't want to switch doctors. I don't want to hide this any longer. She has kids and I believe that she is married. If the latter is wrong, we could perhaps have something even though I find the chance slimmer than slim. I've seen her once a week for all this time.Most importantly. I don't want to lose her or ruin this relationship. Not because she is the cutest doctor in the entire universe, but because she is the best one, at the least for me at this challenging state of my life.I have asked people in my life for advice, I'm still at a 50/50 for telling her or not. So I am very grateful for more advice on this and advices with some depth in them would be brilliant. Thanks for reading and I can explain more if you think you could make better advice based upon such. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, thanks Mark. I agree, cautious is key here.
Situation 1: I tell her, may end up with another doctor
Situation 2: She notices, may end up with another doctor
Situation 3: Whichever of the two and it gets harder for her to do her job.
/sigh
Some good advice here. Appreciate that. I will give this more time, I am however telling her how much I appreciate what she is doing. It is beyond my expectations, by far.
So I'd hate to get a doctor who wouldn't do an equal job. Doctors are different.
I wont be sticking my nose into her personal life. Unless it comes natural with a conversation. As for her personal life, she has two last names and a ring. So I'm assuming.. you know. I'm not looking for a relationship at all. LOL things just happens and she is a very nice person (and CUTE!) it's not just her being doctor-nice. Her personality suits her profession well it seems to me. I could explain it further but just take my word for it. =)
I'm smart, so I will be careful. So is she so I have to be very careful haha.
This is FREAKY! LOL!
Thanks for the advice. Awesome of you both. =)
A
male
reader, Mark_25_  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 Hi,I think that you should think about telling her, butttt, be extremely careful with the way you go about it. Whatever you do, don't go all out and say you love her, can't stop thinking about her etc as if she doesn't feel the same way, it would almost certainly lead to you being given another doctor.Firstly, you should emphasise how much you appreciate her help, and in no way do you want to lose the help she is providing. When it gets to actually telling her, don't come out and say everything, just say something along the lines of, "I think I might like you". Even though it does obviously leave you exposed, it also gives you a much better chance of her wanting to remain your doctor even if she doesn't feel the same way. If you don't make it a big deal, she won't see it as a big deal.Obviously this has to be your choice, and you've got to consider the risk, but if you were going to tell her, I think that would be the safest way of telling her.Also, with her being married - is there any way you could tell for sure? I.e. photos on her desk, a wedding ring? You could try asking questions about her too, as you've known her for a while, ask her what she's doing at the weekend for instance - her answers might give you the answer as to whether she is married or not. Hope that helps, and good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response.Although there is a slight (a very, very slight) chance that she could like me back in some way. I doubt it and I'd rather not risk this one. I've given this 2-3 months of time to go away and I actually do think I love her (omg). When she looks at me and smiles.. I melt like an ice cream on a warm engine block. I wish that I'd wake up and think ..wow... what a weird dream that was. LOLThanks. I think that she will notice, I think that she has but I hope she wont. She is the cutest, kindest and best doctor in the world. LOL this is freaky.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): This is a form of transference.
It's a [common] problem (especially typical for psychiatrists, therapists & psychologists)...
Many patients will "fall in love" with their doctors because they are showing them care & compassion during a rough time, although it's strictly professional. Maybe you actually do love her, or maybe she does you too...it's hard to really know. However what you are describing happens a lot. Once the doctor finds out, it often ends up with the patient being reassigned to a new doctor. So if I were you, I'd be really careful here.
Before you jump in & profess your love to her think about this carefully. Are you willing to risk your current relationship with her (as she may have to send you to someone else)? Also, although she may very well like you as a person, it's her job to be friendly and take care of you...she may not like you in "that way"...you are a client to her - she has to be professional. Think about it carefully & good luck.
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