A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so long story:Me and girlfriend broke up quite messily in February.I was devastated and begged her to get back but she wouldnt. I knew she still loved me alot at the time so I told her I was seeing another girl (when in fact I wasnt), when she asked who I told her it was a friend of mine whom she knew.3 months down the track, me and my girlfriend are on track to getting back together when questions start getting asked about this other girl. Girlfriend does some investigating and has found out it is all a lie. I deny it and tell her that the other girl is lying and that whilst I may have exaggerated, we did still hook up on occasions (which we didn't). My girlfriend believed me but told me if I get caught out lying again it is finished between us.Now I have been caught out again in the lie and she wants me to text this friend of mine to prove I am not lying. All I want to do is tell my girlfriend the truth but I am scared I will lose her and I dont think I could cope!I dont usually lie but did it in desperation and now I am afraid I have got myself in too deep :(PLEASE HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): I agree with SeeingStars advice - and suggest that if you fear she might be so disappointed that she won't hear all you have to say, then you write a long letter to your girlfriend explaining all this, and arrange to meet after she has had time to read and digest it. It will make sure you get chance to say everything you mean to say before you guys talk, rather than rowing about the fact you lied before you can say it all. Be completely and utterly honest about why you did it, how you think she will feel about, how you feel about what you did and yourself, etc. Its your only chance.
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Have you heard the phrase 'My what tangled webs we weave when once we practice to deceive.' ???
Sounds to me like you're not a very good lier... so as the first poster said... you just need to fess up. Tell her you wanted he back so bad that it was the only thing that you could think of that would get you two back together.
She might go for it... then again, she might not. It's a 50/50 chance.
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A
female
reader, JackieW0719 +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Bite the bullet, come clean. She may be angry, but at least you will have had it off your chest. Lying so far has got you nothing but pain. Put an end to the lying. You might find that your girl appreciates being told the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Honestly, I think the best thing to do here is to come clean. Tell your girlfriend the truth. I know you are afraid you will lose her, but I think you will feel better within yourself once you have just told the truth. After that, what happens will happen. I think your girlfriend is feeling frustrated by the lies she is discovering. Whereas if you were to be upfront with her, I think that may gain her respect. How can she trust you if you feel you have to keep telling lies? Even though you are trying to hold onto her, the lies will drive her away - this is already starting to happen.
Look at where lying has got you so far. Is it worth continuing like that? Or time to try something different? No matter what happens, I think you will feel better if you are honest. You already say you want to tell her the truth. If you keep lying, then even if she stays and things turn out okay, I think you may always have that feeling of discomfort inside. The relationship may never feel quite right. And there will always be that risk of her finding out the truth. I think it will be better coming from you, than for her to find out from someone else.
It must be a scary decision to make, with no guarantees of how things will turn out. But if she is threatening to leave you because of the lies...more lies does not seem to be the answer.
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