A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a hetero girl and my best friend is gay. Let me make it clear, I have no interest in my bff in any romantic way. We are really close friends and roommates. My issue is that I feel like he's using me as a beard when he goes out to meet up with a guy that he likes. He'll invite his interest over or when we are out and about at the very last minute, and I'm getting irritated because I feel like a third wheel. He emphatically denies that he's dating him or has any interests in him in that way, but it's obvious considering how much they gravitate towards each other. I'm happy that he's found someone he likes, but I don't want to be thrown in the middle of the sexual tension. I would feel the same way with my straight friends. For the most part, he'll only hang out with his interest if I'm there, and it's irritating me. I've made my feelings quite clear (as in ranting for an hour that if he's going to date him, go have a blast and leave me out of it), but I feel like it might not have stuck. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Just tell him you're not that close that you're going to act as a wing woman for him and help him have the confidence to get with this guy, that he'll either have to find someone else to be his wing man or do it on his own.
With all due respect OP I know how annoying it can be to be a third wheel or wing man but personally it's something I'm more than willing to do for my friends. Being bored is a small price to pay to be their backup in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be that of course but for me it's just a small sacrifice to see them happy.
But I find it easy to be sociable so I generally only stay for the initial greet and then head off and find others to talk to, or I join in the conversation and enjoy both their company. Sexual tension doesn't bother me, they're my friends and have my back through all my annoying times, listen to me cry or punch walls after a particularly bad break up, listen to me bitch and moan endlessly when my life isn't going to plan. They do a lot for me, so I will do anything for them and frankly being third wheel is only minor.
Just talk to him OP and tell him if he's going to a place to talk to that guy that you're not going. if he really can't go on his own and needs your help then make a compromise and tell him this is the last time and he has to ask him out as you're not going to continue playing this game anymore as you don't find it fun.
A
female
reader, marypoppin  +, writes (21 January 2013):
Best thing you can do is directly voice out your concerns, say that you don't find it as much fun when you feel like a third wheel. If he's a good pal he'll take it into consideration. Also he maybe quite self conscious of going out alone to meet other guys. Help him attain confidence!
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