A
female
age
51-59,
*arahjf
writes:Hi, Im desperatley unhappy. 3 years ago i met a wonderful man after spending 10 years married to a pub addicted bully who made my life a misery.I had finally made my way out and managed to buy my own place for me and my six year old daughter when I met this person. For the first 6 months I was initially very cautious as I wasnt expecting to meet someone else quite so soon, but unexpectidly I did. The new man was everything I could wish for, kind, caring,gentle family man who treated me so well and was consistantly keen. Things went well initially though there were a few small signs early on that maybe all was not what it should be. This included, his mobile phone being locked, and other things that eventually led me to find he had a profile on adult friend finder, this was two years ago and I confronted him straight away. He said he was just being nosey and had a liking for porn which at the time I accepted and put it behind me. He then begged me to have a child with him, I was reluctant at first as I had decided that I didnt want any more children but in the end I gave in as he was so good to me I wanted to make him happy. Early on in the pregnancy he worked away and I began to suspect again that all was not well, after some investigating I discovered that he was texting some women he had met whilst away trying to meet up with them again, I was devistated, but also 3 months pregnant by this stage and couldnt consider not having the baby now. He broke down and confessed he had been lonely and had enjoyed their company but swore on our babys life there was nothing in it. I went on to have a lovely baby girl 6 months later and things went ok for a short time after that. Then again he started spending hours locked in the bath with his laptop, I didnt know what to do, it was weird in one way he was such a family man, shopping helping with kids etc and I found it hard to believe there could be anything happening as he was home every night. I spent 6 months scouring the internet and finally managed to hack into his laptop, I took me 3 days to discover that he was setting up visits to escorts, sometimes for what he called "duos" other times for couples, all these costing hundreds of pounds.I was mortified, we had always had a very active sex life even right through the pregnancy, I take good care of my appearance and always have done and hadnt put on weight, I couldnt contain myself and initially threw him out, to cut a long story short I gave him another chance after he took an overdose and after persuaison from his parents that he is a good person who needs help. I now feel so so trapped, my elder daughter worships him and I have a 1 year old baby, some days I can pretend and live a normal life on the surface, underneath everday it eats me up inside, all the pretence to family and friends who think he is wonderful, I just dont know what to do, half of me hates this person who has such total disregard for any loyalty to me the other half of me thinks I am lucky to have met someone who treats me so well and better the devil you know. Please help I would love to hear advice from anyone who has suffered a similar experience.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 November 2009):
Oh dear. I have this terrible feeling that you did what so many abused people do. I think you went from one terrbile guy to another terrible guy without realzing it. This new guy isn't worth your time. He's putting you in danger, he's completely disloyal and a total cheat. He doesn't treat you well or he wouldn't be doing what he is. Realistically, with your children , you won't be able to just get away from him. But it's time you thought about yourelf now, and not guys who are really below the level. I think you do need to get rid of him, and just spend time on yourself and your own esteem. Perhaps go to a counsellor as well, because if you don't you may attract yet another terrible guy,, and you deserve better than that. Get rid of this guy, and focus on yourself and your children.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Sure...he treats you "so well" he has trists with other women, even couples! Dump the a::hole already! That is NOT love, my dear! You didn't say whether you actually married this "great guy", so maybe this doesn't apply but, you have solid grounds for divorce and getting child-support from this guy (who can afford to spend hundreds of pounds on other people!). You've already proved you can be self-sufficient (I envy you! having your own house instead of renting!), so you've got nothing stopping you!There's no reason to stay with someone who treats you like this!
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A
male
reader, Gurner69 +, writes (7 November 2009):
Dispite his pros the guy is an arsehole with no respect for you. Leave him and let your children visit him as the problem is only between the two of you. When your kids are old enough you can explain why you both sperated. Theres no other solution to this problem and also think of the danger he might put you in with disease and other issues.
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