A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This thing is really bothering me and I don't know how to deal with it.Dan (my darlin' hubby) often has a habit of buying me cleaning products on occasions such as Birthdays or Christmas' and it really doesn't make me feel very special considering that my girlfriends always brag about the wonderful gifts they get over the phone. He spends more time and effort deciding what to get his mother then he does on me. I told him how I feel about this but he just says that brooms, detergent and feather dusters are extremely useful and it'll be good exercise for my arms. It would be fantastic if for once he bothered to think about me and buy something as simple as a bunch of flowers. It saddens me but he insists that he's my present and that he doesn't need to give me nice objects to show how much he loves me. 'It's all a scam to make you waste money!’ says he.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Hunny I just thought u could buy him the biggest feather duster you can get hold of 4 his bday...with matching rubber gloves!!!!!!!All wrapped up in a lovely box with the the post it note 4 a card! I hope you can get him to see how you feel sweetheart. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): He could do with a new brain. That would be useful for him. Try getting him one of those for his birthday :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Oh my, a good morning laugh, I actually had to take a break and come back.
Before I heard the response from the poster that he suggested the feather duster be used other then dusting, I thought of something similair.
I do agree with him though on the money issue. I see all these advertisements, and then I look at the product and think: mass production cost $1.00, and they sell it for xxx.
Ever hear of the Kirby? I sold these things when I was a kid for $360, my profit was $250. Many women got there husbands to buy them. Later I felt a little guilty.
Men and women are for the most part miles apart on what we think is important. If it requires money, I think men will consider it materialistic.
What needs to happen, is for women to train there men on what they need. Don't leave it up to guessing, men are bad at it, and like me, I always seem to get it wrong. Men get side-tracked, because of work and other things, the saying "time flies"? Men do not understand or are aware of a women's cycle, her ups and downs that would be the best time for these gifts. If he tries to buy things and notices that she isn't very happy with it, he may stop. Men I think are born with the "if it works, then don't fix it" mentality, because they learn that if they try to fix it, then it becomes broke and unfixable. That has been my experience.
Now buying men yard and automobile supplies has a useful purpose, and will meet the needs of a man. Now if he doesn't like doing things, such as the yard, buying him yard tools will probably just get him mad, because he isn't going to do it, and the more you pressure him, the less inclined he is willing to do. Women have this attitude, so don't think it is unique to men, shall I mention "sex"?
Again, if you want men to be more romantic, he has to know how you tic, and you do this by communication and example. Doing anything else can have an adverse affect.
Now I'm serious. I hit the post button and go back and reread the answer for another good laugh, one that touches home, because I am guilty to.
As a note, my relationship with my wife is on the rocks. We've discussed this to, and I explained what I need: input from her. She can't respond and thinks I should automatically be able to do it. I get the impression that not only can I read minds, but that I have some magical powers that I can see all things before they are needed. Maybe if I werent so overwhelmed with everything non-family oriented, like work, may this be somewhat true.
When I try to think over all this stuff, my mind goes back to childhood when I new girls were reading books of Prince Charming and the Night and Shinning Armour, and I wonder, is this why there expectations are so high for romance? Sorry, I never read those books.
Okay, so I've ruined the mood of what was once humours postings, sorry.
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (2 April 2008):
And so the re-education of Dan begins.
Kiddo, you are on the right track. Good on you. Love the post it notes bit. Now perhaps you can make sure he continues to reuse old post it notes until both sides and all the space is used - just so he does not waste the world's resources..... lol
Keep on going girl and if you need someone to talk to then I am only a message away.
I also agree with mandy7, you would make a great Aunt. You have a good way with words.
Cheers
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Oh hunny
You just cracked me up!!!!post it notes FAB ONE!!!(:0) Ya no I thought the feather duster may have been a sex hint hun get him to buy you the outfit the whole works sexy underwear shoes Jewellery you name it!!!!Hunny is he really like this getting the dusters out the bin and making you wash them? Wasting worlds resources 12 feather dusters oh my!!!!!!I think he has o.c.d love but he makes you do the cleaning, And then when you've cleaned with the 12 feather dusters he wants u to act all sexy! He dug them out the bin :( oh my hunny if you need a friendly chat message me, And you would make a great aunt by the way...LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your helpful advice - I'll be sure to get him some post it notes nest week for his birthday instead of that Rolex watch his been going on about!
Only a few mins ago I chucked my collection of feather dusters and he went livid saying that I was wasting the world's resources and the silly bastard started to dig all 12 out of the bin and while doing this he started to list the furniture around the house that I'd neglected to clean. I responded by saying that I they couldn't be used because they'd been in the bin which occupied all the nasty meals he had cooked as a 'treat'.
He put the dusters on the table which I had taken such pain to clean after one of our kids vomited all over it (horrible virus) and said, 'If you clean your feather dusters and when I return for a inspection and I find them to be dirt-free then I will make this a night to remember using these objects in a role-play.'
I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing and didn't say anything.
My husband said, 'I thought you could be a French maid ... after all we've got one accessory ...'
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (2 April 2008):
The only way that you will get through to this man is if you do the same to him. Be careful that you do not get him tools and stuff but think of what he needs to do things he routinely does (always assuming that he does).
Perhaps on his birthday tell him that his birthday dinner is his gift. Particularly think about what he routinely buys for himself and would not consider to be special, then get him that. Only when he has been on the receiving end will he appreciate that a gift is more than something you need anyway, that there is an emotional component which is missing from him. He can be educated but you will have to control your natural inclination to show him how much you love him.
As for his argument that it is all a scam, that is just a cop out and he knows it. Yes many men say this and sometimes can sound convincing but it is just tightness and laziness on their part and in my mind shows that they really are selfish and do not care about others. Such men tend not to be sympathetic to the plights of others and have difficulty relating to what other people might be going through. They are emotionally stunted and do not realise that they are both wrong and missing out on a rich component in a relationship and life.
I wish you luck on this but I am afraid that you will have quite a challenge educating him and it may be too late for him to change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I understand 110% where you coming from but you have to laugh it off, You think Im mad well yes I am...Feather dusters I no wot Id do with that!!!!!!!And the broom (:0) Hunny my ex was just the same, I had coathangers because they were usefull and a pinapple for christmas all wrapped up and as soon as my back was turned the bugger ate it!!!! I had cooking stuff to make his meals and once he went all out and got me a washing machine when Id been used to doing it with an old dip in tub and handle rinse....(That was my grandmothers bless her) My friend was very wealthy and her grandfather brought her everything a house a new kitchen for the new house and a cleaner for the new kitchen!!!!!Hunny I could go on, This is not the reason we split up! Next time his bday comes along buy him some usless object or better still use the money to treat yourself, I no how you feel at first I thought it was a joke BUT NO!!!!:} In the end I just saved up his money and spent it on whatever I felt like, Oh he went nuts!!! What good for the goose is good for the gander! Cleaning products Hunny I really feel for you I do but you have to laugh other wise you will just get so fed up, And its really not worth it, Treat yourself to the things you like and tell him thanks, He may then get the message...TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (2 April 2008):
 From now on, I think you should make a clean sweep ~ and do the same to him! On his birthday or your annivasary or whenever, buy him stuff to clean his car or shoe polish, if you have a dog, buy him a pooper scooper and a roll of sandwich bags. Bloody cheek, I don't blame you for being upset. Oh...just had a thought...get him a months supply of loo rolls and tell him you thought they'd be more handy than new underpants, thay way you wouldn't have to was them anymore.
BigSis xXx
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Mmm, I wonder what you buy for him?
I'm afraid that there are an awfull lot of men out there like this. Mine is actually one of them as well. He is very good to me in other ways, but being romantic is not one of his + points. In fact when it was my birthday a month or so ago, and we went shopping the day before (food) he actually asked me if I would like to pick a birthday card for myself. You have to laugh at them really.
Listen! if he is good in every other asspect of your life, then you haven't done to bad.
I know a girl that gets lovely presents and flowers from her fella, she also gets knocked about by him as well. I am sure there are some really good men that are kind and thoughtfull, but alas I havent been able to tie the two together yet. I cant give you an answer really, I just thought you would like to know that your not alone.
XXXX
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