A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right, please don't jump down my throat here but my best friend's husband and i have realised that we fancy eachother, i don't have many friends and i am very lonely and i think that's why i have developed these feelings.the other day we kissed, the atmosphere was electric and it could easily have went further but i left in a flurry of no, mistake, heartbroken, sorry... you get the idea!I know it's wrong, but how do I get round this, we are together a lot as we go for outings with the kids etc we are also going on a couple of holidays later in the year!Will it stop if we ignore our feelings, or do i have to distance myself and lose my best friend in the process?I am not usually like this I hasten to add, it makes me feel sick to think how sneaky i have been!
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Don't do this - it will get really complicated, you'll feel terrible, you might ruin your best friend's marriage, and you'll almost certainly lose her and regret this one hell of a lot.
Sexual attraction is REALLY hard to resist, I know, but you have to. Get away from him - keep it on a friendship level. Every time you see him, try to picture your best friend really upset, and just don't flirt with him, or get close to him.
You say you feel really alone, but you have kids - so maybe you're a single mother? You're in a difficult situation, because as you have no man, he'll be feeling protective towards you, and also wanting to give you what he sees you need.
You have to talk to him, too, and get him to agree that you (both of you) just aren't going to do this.
Then don't see them for a while - you must have someone else you can hang out with for a few weeks. Just while this madness wears off. (I know it's hard, but you have to.)
Or you go for it and risk losing so much -not worth it in the long run, and also just not what you do to your best friend. Don't do it to her. You just CAN'T.
A
female
reader, angelfire1123  +, writes (20 March 2008):
You don't have to lose your best friend but you do need to distance your self from the husband. If she is really your best friend then you don't want to lose that. Not to mention it couldn't go any where, he's married. You will get caught up in a relationship that is hard to handle and will cause nothing but drama and chaos in your life. Find someone who is single and can love you the way everyone deserves to be loved he can't give you that. Make yourself happy, and being with a married man, regardless of the feelings that are involved, will not make you happy.
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A
female
reader, Emmy-Lou +, writes (20 March 2008):
 This is a very difficult situation especially if you spend a lot of time with this man.
But at the end of the day, you will end up hurting your best friend if you start something up and if it doesn't last then you lose 2 people in the process.
It really isn't worth the risk.
As your not in love with each other, i would suggest that you explain to him that your not willing to risk your friendship for him. Friends are always the ones that help you pick up the pieces not their husbands.
If you really feel completely isolated, maybe you should speak to your friend, she may understand, she may not, but at the end of the day I think she would like the honesty.
Hope this helps and good luck.
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