A
female
age
51-59,
*Spark
writes:I am in love with the sweetest kindest man. He knows I am smitten with him. We sms each other ever other day. I see him at my work as he does consulting for us for the last year. He is 2 years younger then I (42) am. He is obese (150kg) and I am 55kg. He turns me on so much mentally and physically. We only kissed once and I didn't want to stop. Today we were to have our first date, he mailed me asking for a rain check, this after I asked him if we are still meeting tonight because seeing him in the office today, I could sense he was ignoring me. When he looks in my eyes my knees go numb. His excuse is that he has to sort out some security issues at home, he hasn't slept well for the last 3 nights and won't be good company. Tell me please what is wrong with me? I am not ugly and have a good personality. It feels like he has ripped my heart out. I want to reply to his mail by saying "fine, forget about it". What do I reply to him that he will want me but will sting him like he has stung me?
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female
reader, 2boysmom  +, writes (8 December 2009):
Hmm...if he likes you, he would at least find time to talk for a few minutes, or calls.
His email...seems like a brush-off to me.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 He does seem to have genuine reasons for not keeping in touch at the moment. He knows how you feel about him and you have asked him to remember to bring a stone back for you. Now he has a reason to get in touch with you when he comes back so don't text him again, let HIM make the next move. If you come on too strong then you might put him off a little as men like to chase.
He didn't need to go into as much detail with you but he did so that's a good sign. The ball's in his court now so I would leave things for now and wait for him to make the next move.
Let us know how things go. I'm rooting for ya!
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (8 December 2009):
 Hun, so pleased to hear that things are progressing. It does sound like he is really keen on you but prior committments seem to be in the way... for the moment!!
Your reply was perfect!!
Keep us updated
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A
female
reader, GSpark +, writes (8 December 2009):
GSpark is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi, I wrote this before but somehow it is not showing.
Last night I mailed him, asking him if I said or done something wrong. This was his reply (word for word):-
No. Not at all. I feel quilt for not communicating but I have not stopped running around. I have to leave for Peru on business this weekend and I will be back on the 24th. I had to go to Belfast (a local town in South Africa) and clear up some of my father’s affairs this last weekend. Timing could not be worse with the festive season upon us (yippee he is using the word us). I therefore have to apologize but I am not going to be around for the next couple of weeks.”
He is at our office today all day and I got a huge smile from him. I can feel his eyes on me, the way he peeps when he walks past my desk. Both of us pretending.
I replied to his mail as follows (again word for word, but remember I am not good with words):-
I’m glad to hear that. No need to feel guilty, I understand life can be busy. I hope you have a successful trip, I will miss you even more. You looked so sexy today (he was here yesterday as well), I wanted to hug you so badly. Oh don’t for get my stone from Peru, which makes two you owe me. (on his trips out of the country, he must bring me stones as a souvenir).
So what you think?
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A
female
reader, GSpark +, writes (8 December 2009):
GSpark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI couldn't handle it anymore, so I sent him a sms asking him if I have said or done something to defend him. This was his reply (word for word):-
No. Not at all. I feel guilty for not communicating but I have not stopped running around. I have to leave for Peru on business this weekend and I will only be back on the 24th. I had to go to Belfast (a local town here in SA) and clear up some of my father's affairs this last weekend. Timing sould not be worse with the festive season upon us. I therefore have to apologise but I am not going to be around for the next couple of weeks." He is at our office this morning with a big smile for me. I have never spoken to a man in all my 42 years as I speak to him, I am actually scared I will scare him away. This was my reply to him (word for word):-
"I'm glad to hear that. No need to feel guilty, I understand life can be busy. I hope you have a successful trip. I will miss you even more. You looked so sexy today, I wanted to hug you so badly. Oh and don't forget my stone from Peru, that makes two you owe me (everytime he goes out of country he must bring me a stone back)." What you think, I am going to scare him away talking like this? I didn't get any reply as I assume (and never assume nothing) he must have fallen asleep as it was late. When I stand at our balcony at work for a smoke, I can imagine, actually feel him standing behind me with his arms around me. Am I losing it? Am I getting obsessed now? I think I scare myself with what I say to him. Normally it is the man that makes contact first, in this case it is me and NO I don't feel ashamed. I want him and I will get him, no matter how long it takes, even if I have to change my ways with your help.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (4 December 2009):
I would agree with Honeygirl, go up to him when it's quiet and ask him if he wants to go for a coffee. If he refuses then as him outright "Have I done something to offend you?" and see what he replies. I think it's him that has the issues here, not you. You have done nothing wrong, I think he's just running scared.
Keep us posted.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (4 December 2009):
Hun, why dont you ask him to join you for a cup of coffee, then have a heart-to-heart chat with him... ask him what you have done to him that he is so distant...
let me know what happens!
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, GSpark +, writes (4 December 2009):
GSpark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk it has been three days. I saw him at the office today and he only looked me in the eyes from a distance. He didn't even greet me. I am so down in the dumps now, not even he wants me. I had it now with men. I will grow old alone. I didn't ask to feel this way, I wasn't even looking for it. It just happened, as the kiss just happenend. No more! I can't do this again. I want to say it just once out loud .... I LOVE HIM!
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A
female
reader, GSpark +, writes (3 December 2009):
GSpark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneyGirl, Eyeswideopen and Eve, thank you for making sense to my head. My heart is still abit "broken" of his rejection. At my age, I had all sorts of men pop in and out of my life, from slim to very sexy, poor to rich, intllegent to dump, I have known all types, but with this guy it is so different. I never thought I would fall in love with a big overwieght guy that will turn me on. His weight to me is not an issue at all. In fact, I fantacise about the day we do get to make love. I know for a fact it will be the first time my soul will be there too. Thank you for your advise and putting me in a better mood. After yesterdays "rejection", I dreamt my ex moved in, oh hell that was bad. i took a calming pill when I woke up as I was sick to my stomach dreaming of him and cried myself to sleep. Tears do help from time to time.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (2 December 2009):
Oh hun, give him a little bit of space, maybe he does have some security things to sort out... he sounds sweet!!
If he continues to be distant with you, then speak to him and ask him whats wrong. Maybe he feels insecure about his weight and cannot understand what you see in him...
When you talk to him you must assure him that you find him desirable regardless of his weight....!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Just let it go, either he isn't as interested in you as you are with him or he truly does have issues to deal with at the moment. Anyway it's up to him now to make the next move. I wouldn't put all my eggs in this basket, however.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (2 December 2009):
I wouldn't say anything to "sting" him. I think he's taken cold feet possibly because of his size. Men can be just as embarrassed and hung up about their size as women. He likes you and it's going to the next stage which means you'll both get closer (physically) and maybe he just feels too self conscious in case you find him repulsive. Be careful how you handle this.
If he continues to be off with you in the next few days then ask him what's wrong. Reassure him that you love him the way he is and that his size doesn't turn you off. Or could there be another reason?
~Eve~
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