A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Evening allI recently found out my Fiancee (together nearly 4 years) was cheating on me. I think it's still going on as well. I went ape, but I only shouted and stuff. She denies it all and says they're just friends. I have copies of emails that strongly suggest otherwise and the couple of people I've shown them too, including her friend agree.Basically I want her back and have told her I'll forget it all. I don't know how I can when she won't admit it and at least say she'll end it with him, but she says they'll still stay in touch as they're just friends. I wanna try. Anyway, he's supposed to be leaving the country in a couple of months so maybe that will solve it. She can't really go with him as she owns a house etc. And he's married as well, but his wife and kids are staying here until exams are finished in a year or two.Now she says she needs space (she's working away living in a hotel) and I'm really struggling with it. I had heard about the no contact rule so this morning I thought I would try this. She says she doesn't want that we'll just speak twice a day or so and I'm not to pressure her. After me suggesting it the next call was 40 mins long after others had been 10 max. She says she still loves me.I'm supposed to be going to see her in a couple of days and she says I can stay over. She also took my key off me, but gave it me back the next time I saw her and told me to leave some clothing I was gonna take with me.What's going on here. My head is screwed up right now.Help needed!!!Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses. Seems pretty unanimous to me. I feel a lot more inclined to walk away now, but am making no rash decisions. As you've all been so kind a caring I will let you know what and when I decide, but again... thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): Your last post sounded to me like you are feeling sorry for her more than anything else?
I could be totally wrong here but it sounds like you are trying to be her knight in shinning armor and save her from herself.
If you truly want to marry this lady you NEED to trust her. I am not talking about giving her the benefit of the doubt; I mean TRUST her with Honesty in your heart. Look back in the 4 years of history.
I know it is difficult to think of the consequences if you can’t trust her but trust me, It is better know now then later.
Sorry I can’t be more help but this is something YOU need to step back from and think about.
Good luck!
Tony
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (8 January 2010):
 Cgrylgo I do know that role, thiefs will many times use the same jedi mind trick! where they steal something from you, and sit and help you look, or make you doubt that you even ever put it where you know you did! pretty soon you really start doubting something your sure of! that's an excellent point!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): have you ever heard of the one wher the person cheats and then tries to make you think your crazy? mmm i had that happen he was good too... would tell a great lie right to my face... tell me i was nuts.. this never occured.. hell i had the emails, phone bills.. everything but the dna. he even said his kids were lying on him...
these people are physco.. don't walk run... fast.
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (8 January 2010):
Dude you cant trust this girl! you were going to get married and she didnt have enough love and respect for you, to keep some other guys cock out of her, DTB, you will never be able to trust her again, im angry at her, and I dont even know you guys, I do know this, any chick that could do that to someone she's going to marry, will do it anytime after your married!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's kinda what I wanna hear but still kinda not. You understand? I dunno I;m all mixed up, but what you're saying makes a lotta sense. She's near forty now and I honestly don't think anybody will ever love her again. That makes me sad. Especially players like this won't love her. She'll end up like a spent piece o' jet trash. Thing is I don't want that to happen. That's love right?!
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
A few years ago, I had a girlfriend who cheated on me on my birthday with her ex. I am younger than you (22, you're in your 30's), so I know compared to you my thing wasn't as serious. But she then went on to say that we could be friends, and it just felt like I was being trapped. So I cut all ties. I'm with a far better woman now. I know you don't want to lose her, but it really is only a matter of time. All I can say is there will be someone better out there. And she doesn't really have a future with him. He'll use her for a while, then spit her out. But which time you'll have found yourself a better class of woman. Don't settle for second best, friend.
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female
reader, ashaseth01  +, writes (7 January 2010):
Hi
I am sorry for the misery you are going through. But I think you are going one step too far too soon. Wait. Take a breath. This is a woman you have known for 4 years. You proposed. She accepted. You know her dont you. What does your gut instinct say? Can she cheat on you??
From what you have written, I understand that you have never caught her cheating on you red handed. Have you?? You have read some mails!!!! this is what you are basing all this on? Ya I agree she is behaving wierdly with you. But that need not necessarily be because she is cheating on you. It could also be a reaction to the way you are behaving with her. After all, being your fiancee, she would expect some trust from you. When you go crazy and yell at her and accuse her of cheating on you, think from her perspective. What would you have done if you were in here place and were loyal and still being accused by your fiancee for no valid reason?Well if i were her, I would reconsider wanting to marry you. I would run. Put some space between us and think. Looks like she is doing the same thing.
So you need to make sure if she is cheating you or not. Catch her in the act. If you do catch her cheating then run. Dont look back. She isnt worth it. If you cant accept that she was the honest one and you are just going crazy because you are so in love with her and scared of losing her. Maybe her and this guy are just friends and you hurt her self respect when you accused her of cheating on you. Apologize to her. Relationships take time and effort to become strong. Dont damage something that you cherish by unnecessary mistrust. I am sure, that you will find that your worries are misplaced. She is not cheating on you. She is running away because she is scared and upset of the way you are behaving.
These are some lines that I read everytime i find a strain in my relationship with my husband.
Love is always patient and kind,
It is never jealous;
Love is never boastful, nor conceited;
It is never rude or selfish;
It does not take offense, it is not resentful;
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins;
It delights in the truth;
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure;
What ever comes...........................
Hope I helped
All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I know you're right sorta. I just can't bear losing her. The worst thing is that I just feel sorry for her thinking that she has a future with this cretin!!!
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
You might think you can live with it. The problem is how long until she does it again? This is a woman who has actually said to you that she will remain friends with him. Seriously think about this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's a good answer. I don't know so many mixed signals. Basically if it falls through with this other guy I can live with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): It sounds as if she planned a secret fling, got caught and its left her rather disconbobulated. If you love her and want to try again then tell her that and try to back off a little so she has time to reflect. Her feelings must be quite well established if shes refusing to break contact with him. Im not sure moving away will stop them if they still want contact but you can hope. All the best
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
Working away in a hotel? Just friends? Even took your key? She's having an affair all right. She's keeping you around as a lap dog in case it all goes wrong. The fact is you have the proof, she has lied to you and she is saying they will still stay friends as well. What a worthless fiancé she is. Don't take her back, you'll ruin your life. She can't even just admit it to you she's that pathetic. Take all the emotion and confusion away and what do you have? The women you love is seeing a married man, lying to you blatantly, then not
even reassuring you and saying she will stay friends with this man. Any man can do better than this. Your loyalty and love are wasted. For your own sake, please please leave her and never look back.
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