A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been only dating for 2 months All of November and December but him and his girlfriend still talked during middle of Oct. He says im not the rebound but i think i am, he started dating me only a month after they broke up, but he was SO angry with her and talked to her ( i have a feeling) about end of Decemember. I heard that he told her he loves her he misses her he is just so confused and he that he kissed. And just days later he expresses so much feeling to me like he never has before he said we have only dating for 2 months but his feelings for me make it seem so much longer and he just said all these things about me, but then i heard it was the EXACT same things he told his ex, i am pretty positive that he called his ex and they talked for 6 hours all nite, and now he says all this stuff to me but i honestly feel is projecting what he wishes him and his ex could be onto me in other words i dont think he really has feelings towards me i was just their when they broke up we didnt really rush into things but it was kinda like "i think i like you" and a "yea i think i like you too" then we dated. He has already lied to me about his ex but i let him get away with things because thats the very reason he left her is becuase she never believed him, he INSISTS he wants to be with me and his so scared to lose me and that im all he has ever wanted, but he said the same things to his ex? I wanted to believe so much in the beginning i wasnt the rebound but lately it feels like i could be, and if hes already telling her he misses her WHILE were dating ONLY 2 months in will these feelings for her continue to build but me not know it? I dont want to tell him about it because i know what he will say he just INSISTS im wrong..is he just lying to himself and me? What is this guy thinking? and are his feelings coming from just wanting to be with someone again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim afraid ive already invested my feelings, i dont think i'll feel this way for anyone else but him. And he says the same back to me but i really do think he is just keeping me around as comfort well its not so much me that believes that but majority of people suggest that that is what he is doing. He says im so beautiful the perfect girl for him, he loves kissing me, but its all things he said to his ex. He denies it up and down and his ex no longer contacts him at all and i think this drives him crazy. He doesnt want to lose me because of the comfort but he wants to make things work with his ex i know but he is just scared thats its too soon to do that with her. I heard him tell her on that maybe she will learn from being in a new relationship that there relationship wasnt that bad, its like thats what he wants, and she said that maybe he will learn also and he said yea. So i feel like maybe im just the leverage until he is ready to start over with her. The thing is yea i want to hang in there but i would never start with him if he all along he wants to be with his ex its just so hard to tell because he is telling me all of these things and that hes gonna love me forever but i honestly think were just in honeymoon stage, and that those feelings will die (if they even are his real feelings) everyone says he is trying so hard to replace his ex with me. And i feel this way too, but still do love him very much, as feel as though there arent really sparks we just kind of "liked" eachother but now he is saying that when we kiss it feels like its just me and him and when i hold his hand he never wants to let go. It just seems like he tries to make the most of a relationship even when its not the way he feels because he is dependent on one so that he wont feel lonely. Is there any advice on how to get him to be with his ex again, or anything i should tell her to do to get back with him again because i just feel thats where he needs to be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): You may well be his rebound relationship if he was recently telling his ex he wanted to be with her. It can take time to heal after a break up. And what better way to do it than in the loving, understanding arms of another. Usually you know when you meet someone if theres a spark there. As youve said, it was more a case of `you will do` for both of you. Dont invest too much emotion on this guy. Wait until you know him a little better before deciding if you are the rebound but it sounds very much as if you are. He will deny that very convincingly even though he was still wanting to be with his ex so recently. He will do what he has to and say what he has to, in order to hold on to you while hes licking his wounds. Its a comfort thing. I was my partners rebound. I had no hard proof, i could just feel it. He denied to totally. But i found out later that he was talking to his ex wife about getting back together many months into our relationship! When we met there were not sparks, i was just an easy ear for him to tell his woes to and we just fell into a relationship. He let me down a few times by being loyal to his ex but not me. The last time he let me down it was over private things about me that he told his ex. It was a huge breach of trust and i left. That was a wake up call for him. Things have been much better with him since then. If you really like him then hang in there but be careful. I hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 January 2010):
No one can tell you what is in this guys head.
You have to take a gamble and either:
a) tell him it's got too deep too fast, you aren't happy about the fact you aren't allowed to ask for reassurance for fear of not living up to what he wants, and you aren't happy about the fact he's not moved on.
OR
b) give it time, be yourself and stop worrying about upsetting him, and see what happens.
Only you can read him and look in his eyes and have a guess at what the right choice for you is.
Good Luck!! xx
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