A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Help, I feel I'm going out of my head.My husband had an emotional affair and I can't let go of it.At first he was very sympathetic and supportive trying to help me overcome it.Now it has all blown up and affected his work due to my actions to try to get revenge on the other woman.He is now blaming me for all this and has said I'm psychotic and said that his work colleagues have also suggested this to him and that I need psychiatric help.He is saying he wants a divorce because he can't live with my behaviour for ever more.I can see his point of view but feel devastated that he's giving up on me and after all he caused all this mess in the first place.Do you think I should try to save my marriage or call his bluff and say that if that's how little he thinks of me, I'd be better off without him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): See this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/have-i-gone-too-far-being-spiteful-over.html
Your husband wronged you... If he was contrite it should have stayed in your house. How would you feel if he now goes around bad mouthing you to your neighbours?
You both need some time off. Ask him if he's willing to meet you halfway. And you need to stop dwelling on it. Don't make it into a thing of pride like some women do. An emotional affair happens because your marriage does not have that emotional connection anymore... So rebuild it, at least try to.
And why blame another woman? Blame your husband. You have absolutely no business harrassing someone else. Regardless of what wives of the world say.
A
female
reader, devastated2008  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Forget about him right now and take care of you. You were damaged by his actions and that is a fact. That doesn't make it acceptable for you to do anything and everything and blame it on him because he caused it. (I certainly understand the thought though!)
Your marriage may or may not be over because of both your actions at this point. So prioritize. First priority is get healthy... no one wins while you are in this perfectly understandable but intolerable mental state.
Don't call any bluffs... you'll lose and this isn't a game. You'll only end up amplifying your "craziness" when HE calls your bluff back. You are not mentally stable enough to stay cool and aloof the way you would need to to "win".
Focus on yourself and when you're healthy if You want him and He wants you then... you can rebuild your marriage. Know the risks you may lose him... but he risks the same he may very well lose you when you stabilize... he might not look like a person you want to be with when the "crazy" fog lifts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): He didn't help you enough if you are still haunted by it. If he is quick to leave through means of divorce, I call it irresponsibility. Or simply, based on that revenge statement, he is afraid you will make him the next target. Both should consider couple counseling. It will assess the whys of his betrayal. Some is attributed to a partner's failure of providing the others needs whether it be intimacy, support, sex, or else. Another fault is lack of stable communication between the two individuals.
Best of luck.
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