A
female
 ,
*hopsticks
writes:I've been with my bf for 6 months and we've been having some issues recently. Our relationship has been really intense from the start and in all honesty I believe this is the most serious relationship he's ever had. His last long term gf was 3 year but they only saw each other once evert 5-6 weeks.He asked for space which I gave him reluctantly after calling him and texting him a couple of days after to gain clarity on the terms of our split and also because I saw him on a dating website as soon as we had argued which clearly hurt me, he swears that he did nothing but as we had a fight the night before and I packed all my stuff up and left him he said he needed to know he was still desired. I was devastated but he promised he wouldn't do it again, and he has kept his word since.He asked me for a few weeks but I caved after a week and text him asking to see him. He did agree to see me and we hugged and kissed as sson as I arrived, I said I missed him and I was sorry. He said the same.......then we started to discuss what our issues were and it almost turned into another arguement and he was really defensive.He said a lot of things about me that I didn't think were true. He felt we only ever did what I wanted and that I was trying to stop his hobby, reality is I don't think he'd be with me if he truely believed that. Anyway he soon realised all the negatives I was referring to were when we were arguing and when I told him tha in general I thought he was kind, loving and considerate in the relationship his whole attitude changed towards me again and he hugged me, kissed me and told me he loved me but we needed to take things slowly. So, I haven't seen or spoken to him in 3 days, he text me but I didn't reply as he was just telling some info, no question involved.I feel really confused because when we were on a break it was so god damn difficult to stay away from him and now I don't feel like I'm that bothered. I love him and I think about him but I'm unsure of why he's with me if he truly believes the spiteful things he said as I clearly make him miserable. I really don't want to get hurt and I'm not sure if I feel like this because my barriers are going back up and I'm pushing him away or I truly don't want to be in this relationship any more.Help!
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female
reader, Louise-uk +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Hello,You say that you don't feel like you're 'that bothered'? That suggests that you're not motivated to stay in this relationship. With reference to the dating website, did he do it so that he would feel desired by other people, or was he hoping that you would see it? It seems like he doesn't feel desired by you, which could explain him wanting to call a break on things. He could be hoping that you call and text him, like you did, which would explain how happy he was when you saw each other again.Do you want to be with him? Is he desired by you? It seems like feeling desired is something important to him, and the only way he can gain these feelings is to break it off, so that after a couple of days you suddenly want to see him. Do you live with him? Because it could be that when you spend a lot of time together, you take it for granted and he doesn't see it as special time. If he is right in saying that he doesn't get time for his hobbies, maybe you could spend a little more time apart. He could spend time on his hobbies, and you get a little bit of time to miss him. That way he's happy, and you genuinely are when you see him. He'll feel desired again, and you could realise that you do want to be with him. Spending a little bit of quality time apart might allow you to realise that you enjoy being apart, in which case you understand your feelings and can move on.Hope this helps!
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