A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just recently found out that my boyfriend of 1 year is my half-brother. Apparantly my father "got around" a lot more than I had thought. My bf and I have talked many times about our family and what attracted me to him was how much we have in common, especially with not knowing our father. We had a conversation a week or so ago that lead me to ask my bf his father's name (too many things sounded familiar when he described him.) Turned out his father has the same name as mine, grew up in the same small town as mine, and quit school for the military just like mine! I don't know how many men with the same name, age, and story could live in a small town of 1200. I got a hold of my dad (by coaxing my grandmother to find out where he was) and he confirms his relationship and child with my bf's mother! I am so confused. I haven't talked to my bf in a week and a half. I just don't know what to say or do. He's my half-brother for goodness sakes, how do you continue a romantic relationship with someone who is your blood relative? I can't marry him, I can't have kids with him, so what am I to do? I love him, but it's wrong. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): There is NOTHING wrong with loving your half-brother. First of all, your love for him is genuine, and secondly, you didn't know he was your half-brother. If no one else knows, and you both have feelings for each other, I say follow your heart and continue the relationship. You could only not get married if the state has you both registered to your father, which may not be the case (usually government records don't show when two relatives marry each other).
The questions you need to ask are: do you love him and want to be with him? Does he feel the same way about you? Then it makes perfect sense to continue the relationship, because it is based on love. Have you also had sex with each other? If so, there's no reason to stop that either, as long as you both want and enjoy it. Post back here so that we can learn what you decided to do.
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 Hi. Im sorry to hear you have found yourself dating your half brother. Im sure this sort of thing is more common than we realise though. One of my cousins found out he was dating a "close" relative. They didnt know they were related until the birth of their child. He was born with medical problems and during investigations it was discovered his parents were closely related. Which was very unfortunate for him and his parents. They parted company soon after finding out. We all felt so sorry for them. I would advise you both to have a DNA check just to be 100% sure you are related. If he is your brother how would you feel.about keeping him in your life as a brother? Trying to have a bf/gf relationship with him now would be wrong on so many levels. But seeing him just as a brother might be very difficult too. If you could both handle the transition, you might find it helpful to move forward with the aid of counselling.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 May 2010):
 There are countries in the world where it is legal to marry your half-sibling. So it is possible. But is the relationship worth it? It will be a rough and difficult path, and far more socially acceptable if you find a new boyfriend. You will have to fight hard and long for this relationship if you want it. So how much do you love him? Judging by your age, perhaps it is easier to let him go now while you are still so young, so that you can focus on other things and not have this ruin your youth. Then if you find that your love is too great, pursue the relationship again later on. You need to put a lot of thought into your decisions, and you'll want to take a matured decision. So my advice is to take a break from the relationship now, do some thinking (both of you) and then some time later talk about it.
No one will blame you if you end the relationship, and even if you do wish to continue it, he might feel the social pressure is too much for him. So there is a high chance of this not working out, just because of what people will say or do.
Then again, no one knew until now. And if you move, no one in a new place will know. As for children, which is actually about the only reason why incest is "wrong", do some research there as well. Children may turn out fine, but there is a higher chance of them to be born with defects.
So: research, research, research and think this carefully through. Know what you are getting yourself into. Make an informed decision, to the best of your abilities.
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reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (29 May 2010):
Im sorry for what you are going through, i know it's hard. my sister too was dating our 1st cousin and did'nt know it and it was in a small town so it was like we wer'e all related in one way or another. i myself think i would end it what would be the hard part for me would be if i did how could we ever get along after that once we got over the hurt part and missing one another! could we then be and act like a half brother and sister, there on out i mean really that could mentally mess w/ you both like ok it's over hi brother hi sister hug time i mean how would you feel now knowing what you know? could you acturally be and act like brother & sister. no don't blame you're father until you sit down and talk w/ him it's not like he knew you 2 wer'e like destined to be. i hope everything works out for the both of you in your decision! and that you can get past what ever you decide.
Oregongrl
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reader, YouWish +, writes (29 May 2010):
 Man, they make Lifetime movies about stuff like this. :P
The relationship will have to end, as legally, you can't be in a relationship with your brother, even a half brother.
But don't beat yourself up over it - you didn't know he was your brother when you met him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): I don't think its wrong...
I mean, you didn't grow up as siblings and don't share that sibling-like bond. Yeah, they say there are complications to having kids, but not always... and I'm sure there are preventable ways about it.
Up until now, you two were completely in love ... both abanonded by the same reckless arrogant father who doesn't sound like to me wants anything to do with either of you.
I think if you love him, should find a way to put that aside... Talk to him, see how he feels, and if he wants to cnotinue the relationship- you should.
Unless it is too weird. But no one else needs to know you guys are half siblings.
When it comes down to it, we are all brothers and sisters of the Earth. =)
I'm not condoning incestuous relationships, but love is love and you wouldn't of known unless you investigated as far as you had. I wouldn't let it change anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): oh wow.... i hate to break it to you, but i really dont see it working out if he is your half brother. Think about your future, u may want to have kids some day..... being blood related could put your child at risk for haveing disabilities... and how strange would it be foor the kid to say this is my dad and my uncle or my mom and aunt...
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reader, everlast +, writes (29 May 2010):
 Sad to say you have to try and discontinue your relationship with him. Being related and getting together can be un healthy. I have found myself in that situation at one time but with my 1st cousin. I automatically let him go as hard as I thought it was.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): I think that the relationship has to end. I understand that this is a hard time for you and your family. Just be his friend and see how that goes.
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