A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi peeps, I have a huge problem with jealously. My ex gf broke up with me cos I was jealous all the time of her spending anytime near a guy or even looking at me and now I'm starting to like someone again I don't want the same thing to happen. I have to admit I did get a surge of jealous rage shoot through me when a guy repaired her windscreen even though she never spoke to him or wasn't there when he did it. I can't help being over protective but how can I get over the fact that if a woman is with me its because she's loves me and wants to be with another woman and not go back to a guy and have 2.4 children?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): First off, jealousy does not equal over-protectiveness. Being over protective makes you wary of people but doesn't usually harm relationships. No offense, but being overly jealous just makes someone a prick.
Get counselling. Something in your past has made you this way and you need to deal with it. Leave the girl alone until you get your stuff together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): That is a very hard thing to overcome. I dated a very jealous man for over two years. In my experience (and what I've seen with friends who also dated jealous men), they also tended to be very manipulative and controlling - all behaviors that run the risk of becoming emotionally or physically abusive relationships. My ex was emotionally abusive, thinking every little thing I did was a lie and that I had to be cheating on him.I am by no means saying that you are someone who would abuse your partner, but having such high jealousy runs the risk of it occuring. The fact that you are concerned about it shows your acception that it is a problem area that needs to be looked into, which speaks highly of you.Honestly the only thing I've ever seen help this is therapy. Personal therapy and relationship therapy, if you and this new girl become serious enough. You have to stay with your program and really commit yourself to working on it, or else like any other problem you'll slide back into the habit.It would be good to warn her ahead of time that it is something you're working on - if you really like her, she deserves to know. I'm sorry that there isn't any easy way to deal with it. I wish you the best of luck. Being constantly tormented with jealousy is just as bad as having to deal with the consequences of dating someone that jealous.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (19 August 2011):
You know, being a lesbian, the potential for jealousy lies in both sexes. You can be jealous of the men AND the women in her life.
I mean its really interesting that you get jealous of the men and not the women.
Perhaps you are having your own ideas about the man and 2.4 children and projecting them. Perhaps you are afraid that you are straight.
If you can't trust the women you are seeing, maybe you may want to consider a straight life. See what happens and if you see yourself getting jealous. I am not moralizing here, just making a note.
You may just be jealous of straight people. It might be what you really want for yourself.
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