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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and Im having a really big problem. We never have sex and when we do, its not very good. When we got together, we had amazing sex all the time. Neither of us were virgins but neither of us was THAT experienced. I had more experience than he did, but it didnt seem to matter, we loved eachother and had so much fun together. But now we life together, and we have just stopped having sex wiht me. I always loved giving him head, and do it whenever he wants, but he doesnt really like it that much. He says its not me, and Ive never had any complaint from anyone before him. In the whole 3 years we have been together he's only gone down on me 4 times. Believe me, I am really careful, I never try to initiate sex when Ive not JUST gotten out of the shower, and I make sure I dont smell anywhere. I thought maybe I tasted funny or smelled more than other people or something cuz he always said it was "too warm" down there when he tried to go down on me, but I have even tasted my own juice just to see, and it tastes a little buttery but thats all, really, it wasnt that bad! But its gone from that, to having sex maybe once or twice a month, and I feel like its driving a wedge between us. I feel like ive tried everything, initiating it, indulging him and jsut focusing on him, buying lovely lingere, giving him massages, everything i can think of, but it never works, and when he does want sex, its always really quick and he doenst bother to get me turned on hardly at all, and never bothers to make me come any more. Can anyone help me? ive talked to my closest friends and they either say just ignore it and it will get better (not happening) or dump him... neither of which seem like the only solutions. Im only 21.... please help me! :) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): My boyfriend never wants to have sex with me either,and im only 17! we have been together just over 3 years and live together Him not wanting to have sex with me has bee going on for just over a year. I have tried talking to him about it and he doesn't say much and just ignores me. ive tried sexy underwear but he says he is tierd. it makes me have no confidence, and i do not know what is wrong with me. i love him so much and thinks he loves me to, but i feal we are more best friends then boyfriend and girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): Your problem is not uncommon...if you just look in the internet, a lot of women are complaining of having this common problem! I deal with the same problem with my boyfriend. In my personal theory, it has a lot to do with stress; life these days, is stressful wouldn't you say? The food people eat and toxins everywhere cause a damper. I'm sure more women have this problem with their men (husbands, boyfriends, fiance) etc. They are just embarrassed to talk about it. They think they are not attractive, etc. First off, don't feel alone. You are not alone. Trust me, I've looked online and interestingly enough found out a lot of women are asking the same questions. It's not you...and you probably know this deep down, that what's wrong is not with you. Also, the media just messes all of us up...too much pressure or something, too high expectations. No one has ever mentioned it much, in the reading I've been doing in the internet, but my theory is if a guy loves you, I mean really loves you...sex can suffer. Sucks doesn't it? Ya! Just my theory. I don't know what the solution to this is...but I'm sure there is one! Try to look for it. Hang in there...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. But Ive tried everythin, talking, crying, sulking (not on purpose), joking about it, ignoring it and waiting for him to come to me (which he doesnt), buying new sexy lingere (now thrown away, I cant bear to look at it after him rejecting it) and just focusing on him and not wanting anything in return. It works occasionally but then I NEVER get anyhting and he doesnt even want intimacy, its more like sometimes he "lets" me jerk him off... not really thrilling.
Im in good shape, athletic, eat well and take really good care of myself, no stray hairs, exfoliate, shower every day, but im not high maintainance at all, I dont demand things of him, money, treats, time, nothing. Im really at my wits end.
If the most recent poster - if you find any solution, let me know! :)
Thanks again tho lovelies!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): I know your pain, I've done everything!! I'm in great shape and I take very good care of myself. I don't know what to do, we're both in our thirties and sex doesn't exist except on once in a blue moon. It's breaking my heart wondering if he really wants me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): I am sorry to say, but your boyfriend is very selfish. He cannot continue to ignore this huge chasm that will destroy your relationship. He needs help. There is nothing wrong with you, unless you have changed drastically since you moved in with him, it's definately his problem. The most likely culprits for no interest in sex at any age are ;stressblood pressure issuescancerpsycological issuesporn addictionaffairsOnly he has the answers, is he willing to talk about it? We could use a little more information here....
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male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (8 June 2009):
It is a sad reality but sometimes when a couple move in together the sex dries up when one partner goes like your boyfriend has. The truth of it could be that he has a low sex drive or libido and just isn't into sex very much. The only way you can find out whether that is the case is to ask him. There could be another reason. A check up at the doctor and hormone check couldn't hurt.
I've been in a similar situation and know how heart wrenching and frustrating it is. It too tried everything. My partner only really understood when I was very blunt about the situation and how it was making me feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): i think you and your boyfried should sit down and have a long chat.there's obviously something wrong. something might have happend to him when he was younger which is affecting your sex life.Just give him a chance and let him know he can tell you what's bothering him
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