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He'll never be anything more than a liar. We had 2 weeks planned. What should I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Long distance, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my boyfriend have been in long distance relationship for almost two years now. We see each other every weekend, and yesterday he arrived here and is going to stay with me for 3 weeks (we did this before, in August last year and it was great). My family is going abroad this Friday and I'm going to stay alone with him for two weeks.

He isn't around much this week as he's doing his work experience (he's there right now as I'm writing this).

Basically today I found out that he's been a complete liar for the last two years. I don't want to go into the details of it, I'm sorry, it doesn't matter anyways, let's just say that he's been lying A LOT about relationships with other girls (he may have even cheated, I don't know anymore).

He lied to me in the past, and I found out. Our relationship froze for about a month after that but we decided to try again. And since then, he's been always telling me 'I'm not a liar, I would never lie to you again, I wouldn't risk our relationship like this again, BLAH BLAH BLAH'. And today I find out that nothing's changed, he's been lying about the same thing all the time and now it's even worse.

I'm stuck and don't know what to do. Every time I tried to question his honesty in the past he always had a massive go at me for not believing him. I can't just break up... My family is leaving Friday and I can't go with them, he has to stay here till Saturday to do his work xp but tbh I don't want him to go Saturday and be alone for two weeks... We had such great plans, we were going to move in together in September. And now I see that he will NEVER change, he will always be a liar and I either have to get on with it or break up...

How do I confront him? And when? Should I talk to him when he's back tonight? And what should I say? He's really short fused and it's easy to set him off. Like I said I don't want to be alone here for two weeks if he decided to leave after I say I can't do this anymore... I was thinking, although that's stupid, that maybe I should just enjoy those three weeks and then end it... But that's so dumb. Help!!!

View related questions: liar, long distance

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (11 April 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntI understand that you dont want to be left on your own but you are a big girl now and need to take responsibility. Do you not have any friends or relatives that you can stay with for the two weeks?

You need to talk to him as soon as possible. I know you probably had great plans but this needs to be sorted now not later. You dont want to be trapped in a relationship where you cannot trust your boyfriend. When he comes back tonight tell him you want to talk to him in private. Sit him down and tell him everything that you have discovered and tell him how hurt and let down you are that he has lied to you again and ask him for an explanation, it is as simple as that. Let him tell you why he has behaved the way that he has and lied to you. Its up to you then where you both go from there. But be open and honest with him and talk to him as soon as you can. Goodluck.

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A female reader, catcher00 United States +, writes (11 April 2011):

Honestly, it sounds like you rummaged through his things--either phone or computer. As you won't go into detail about what you discovered, it's hard to say. He "Might" have cheated?? If you are distrustful, maybe that alone warrants a break. Esp if it's been a pattern --that's a pretty good indication that the first time wasn't a fluke. This is him. Do you accept it or not?

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A female reader, Ima FreAk!  United Kingdom +, writes (11 April 2011):

Ima FreAk!  agony auntHiyaaaaa,

Once a boy cheats on you he is likely to do it again, maybe because of the thrill.

Honestly sounds like you have a "bad" boyfriend no offense because why lie! I mean honestly is one of the best policy and it's considered to be one of the top 5 things need in a relationship!

I advise you to break up with him because he doesn't sound like a truthful man and he doesn't let you know about his life and it just shows he doesn't truly love you. You could tell him on the phone or face to face but if your uncomfortable with staying alone on Saturday go and watch a movie, go out with friends, socialising you know because the relationship you have with your boyfriend looks like a cycle of the same old thing and it's up to you.

There are loads of men out there that could truly care about you and if your boyfriend did love you he would sacrifice his work or some of his time with you because he doesn't see you regularly.

Hope my advice helps!

Good luck!

Lots of love,

Ima FreAk!

x

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