A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Agony Aunts! I have a problem for you.To keep this short - my boyfriend has communication issues, where he'll go days without texting me or seeing me while we're both at uni, making me feel nelgected and unwanted. I've told him twice about this and he promised to be a better boyfriend etc. and I believe him. Now we're both at home for the summer - me in England and him in Jersey, one of the Channel Islands, so it's a kind of LDR until September when I can see him again. However, recently he has been completely shutting me out, saying he's been too busy to send me a quick text or email just to let me know he's still there, and until now I appreciated how busy he's been at home. Though, I can't help but feel he forgets about me most of the time until I send HIM a text or whatever, and he's straight back with the texts and emails, the 'sorry I've nelgected you again and I do love you.' and then nothing for another few days. I know he's a good person so I know it's nothing dodgy, but am I over-reacting? I'm not sure I can keep over looking how I feel, and he knows it makes me feel like this. Why is he doing this to me? He always has and I'm wondering if this will never change. Or is it just me being over-sensitive, over-clingy and far too needy? If so, why does it make me upset every time? Am I right to expect soemthing from him every day to make me feel wanted, or should I just keep my distance?Thanks
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female
reader, Marie23  +, writes (25 July 2011):
Guys are just like this I have learned and experienced. My bf is doing the exact same thing, we will go days without speaking or texting unless i initiate the contact. It has really bugged me and I've spoken to him about it but his excuse is that I'm busy and he doesnt want to bother me, yet I call him all hours of the day and he is always busy with his best friend. I cannot even recall the last time HE actually called me. This neglect has left me seriously contimplating breaking up because I have had to endure this for almost a year.
It's a LDR and were having communication problems that he is starting and I'm not sure what to do anymore. My advice would to seriously, SERIOUSLY talk to him about it or you just might be in the same rut as me :/
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (25 July 2011):
I'm a little older than you - but I have been in the SAME exact situation. And I STILL don't know the answer.
Posters on this board have told me I'm too needy - but I still believe it is NOT too much to ask or expect that your boyfriend at least TEXT every day . It takes 2 seconds and trust me - when boy if first trying to get your attention - he will do more.
My boyfriend has been away for 3 months - and same thing. He wouldn't call or text but would always answer if I did.
I told him several times this was bothering me, and finally,the last time he went two days without contact - it was the straw that broke the camels back. When he finally called - I didn't answer. That night - or the next 3 days. B day four , he was in a panic and was like "please tell me what's going on? Did you meet someone else?"
Finally, I said no, but that I was done putting in all the effort and getting nothing in return. That was a week ago and he has called or text multiple times a day since then. I am still NOT answering every text or phone call right away like I used to.
For months, I didn't want to play such a "game" but the only way to get him to be a "good boyfriend" is when he worries he may be losing me.
Not ideal. But it's worked. So try taking a step back and being "too busy" when he calls. Wait a day and when you finally call back - give him the same lines he's been giving you. "sorry, so busy".
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): sorry the best guys in the world always turn out to be a dicks at least with the bad ass you no what your getting. and me thinks he actully has a gf hence been so quite for days cos hes with her you on facebook together like in a relationship with each other there and to be honest if hes ingorng u in uni as well and rings out of the blue ur not his gf more a F.W.B (f**K Buddies) so i say ditch his ass u can do better
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