A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this weekend me and my family are going out and we always invite my bf. so i called him and he said that he couldn't go because he is going to be watching football that day.so i got kinda hurt that he would rather watch football then hang out with me. Am i over reacting or is it messed up that he said that Reply to this Question
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 If you are indeed 18-21, then you are a fully grown adult. You are not a child, and you have your own opinions on how you should live your life.
At the moment, you are still letting your parents treat you like a child. How long are you going to let this carry on for? 25...28...30 years old?
You need to stand up and say "I am an adult". It is perfectly OK for you to go out ALONE wiht your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend is rightly getting fed up with dating a girl who refuses to stand up to her parents. He cannot have a proper relationship with you. He cannot be private. Grown adult men do not want to hang out with their GF's parents. He is not dating THEM. He is dating YOU.
Why are your parents like this, is it religious or are there other reasons?
Start acting like a grown up, and take responsibility for your own life.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 You have to feel grateful and lucky that your bf has tolerated this situation for 3 years, he must really care a lot about you. You have to feel understanding if now this starts taking a toll on him, he's only human. And you have to feel that's not your boyfriend's responsibility to fix your relationship with your parents and accept all their quirks just because you do. It's up to you becoming more assertive and obtaining some respect for your privacy and independence, - or , if that is not at all possible, making yourself financially independent and moving out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I had strict parents too, and it can be hard to get them to see things your way. The thing is at some point you have to make them see that you have to control your life, and they have to let go. I am surprised your boyfriend has taken this for so long, I know my first boyfriend didn't last that long, not many guys would. Your in a hard situation but only you can change this situation. You say it doesn't matter what you say they won't listen and nothing changes, you have to keep saying and keep trying. I know how hard it is. Eventually I got to the point where I was at a loss with my parents so I sat them down and said this "I know you love me and you want to protect me, I appreciate that and I love you so much for that. The thing is that I am an adult now and I need to make my own decisions, my own mistakes. I know I will make mistakes, but I feel it's better that I make them now and learn from them while I have you both here to love me and give me your suport, than to have you make all the decisions and then when it comes your not here anymore I don't know how to make my own decisions and have nowhere to turn when I make a mistake to get good advice. I'm not saying that I don't need you, I do need you I always will, I just need to go through the process so I can learn from it, and it's better to do that when I still have your love to help me through." It wasn't a magic overnight change in them, but after some serious thought and a bit of time and a lot of effort on their part, they came to let go. This issue with your boyfriend is that he doesn't see when things will change and the relationship will be between you and him, instead of you, your parents and him. Give him some understanding, he has been with you for 3 years and has been extremely patient and understanding of you, now you need to understand him, he wants to be with you, not with your partents all the time, and having everything controlled by them. I know it's a hard situation, it can get better just don't give up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno matter what i say my parents wont let me do anything! me and my bf have been dating for 3 years now and he has never done this before that's y its all new to me and i don't know how i'm suppose to feel =(
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 January 2012):
Well, yes, I am afraid you are expecting way too much from a young man, you basically want him to be cool with dating your whole family and if he has lost steam due to this situation it's very understandable.
That sounds like my grandma's courtship. She was an adult in her late 20s, yet she was never allowed to meet her fiance' without a chaperon. But that happened around World War One !.
Any particular reason for this strictness ?... It's a religious thing, or could you talk to your parents and make them reason ?...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): your boyfriend DOES NOT want to hang out with your parents. how are you even surprised at that?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2012):
 It's PLAYOFFS! Heck I'd rather watch my football team in the playoffs than be with MY PARENTS...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is he has been blowinf me off alot lately. Its like he never wants to hang out anymore. He blew me off on holidays abd my birthday. See my parents are really strict so i rearly get to see him so basicly when me and my family go out its the only time i get to see him. So he usually takes the chance tk hang out with me even if my parents are going to be there :/ i should have put this all before. So does this change on how im suppose to be feeling? Or im i still over reacting?? Help please i hate feeling this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is he has been blowinf me off alot lately. Its like he never wants to hang out anymore. He blew me off on holidays abd my birthday. See my parents are really strict so i rearly get to see him so basicly when me and my family go out its the only time i get to see him. So he usually takes the chance tk hang out with me even if my parents are going to be there :/ i should have put this all before. So does this change on how im suppose to be feeling? Or im i still over reacting?? Help please i hate feeling this way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): He had prior commitments
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2012):
 I think it's VERY normal for a young guy (heck even an old one) to want to hang out with friend watching a game rather then eat dinner with the "in-laws".
You are blowing it out of proportions.
Jsut be glad he doesn't expect YOU to sit there and cheer for whatever team he likes... Go have dinner with your parents and enjoy it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): You're overreacting. He already had plans, he wasn't choosing football over hanging out with you he just had plans. I'm a sports fan and my team is very important to me. I would choose my girlfriend over them obviously but she can do without me for the 4 hours a week I get to watch them play. She would never make me choose because while I would choose her, she knows it would make me unhappy to miss seeing them play.
Sport is a passion for me, there's no way in hell she'd try and take that away from me or try to stop me watching it. in fact she loves coming down to the pub to watch games with me, she used to hate soccer too but it's a passion she wanted to share to she got into it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 January 2012):
 He's allowed to say no, isn't he? If not then why ask him to come, if he is expected to come along then you need to talk to him and tell him that one criteria to be in a relationship with you is that he must attend whatever gathering you have with your family, at any time you see fit.
It's perfectly normal for him to want to watch football rather than hang out with you and your parents. People in a relationship need time apart from each other as well, without that meaning they don't want to hang out with their partner. They just need time to themselves or other friends as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): I think your over reacting a bit. Guys like to watch sports, my brother won't visit our mother when car racing is on because he is watching it, and he is 50 years old. At 18-21 I would expect a guy to not want to spend so much time with his gf's parents. Just accept that watching football is his "me time" and let it be.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 January 2012):
No,I think it's normal. At 18-21 who wants to hang out with is " in laws " more than strictly indispensable ?
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