A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:this has been going on for months now. at first i must admit i was not interested in him, and, suddenly, i found myself enjoying when he's around. he's 37, i am 41.(it's complicated already without mentioning i am a single mom with preschoolers lol) he seem to be responding to me initially. i thought he was because i was so obvious but he was not stepping back...there was a time we had lunch, just the two of us. we send sms to each other in some occasions. BUT he reacts negatively when someone mentions that we could be a couple. i invited him once to attend a church-related gathering he declined. i stopped talking to him ever since (after i admitted to him it took so much guts to invite him). now i am embarrassed when he's around, i just shut up. lately he seems to be back to his old self...we're like talking to each other when others are around...he answers my questions indirectly i laugh when he's being funny.... what gives? is he into me or what? to be honest, i'd rather not be his friend... i am not.... this is something else Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice, male reader and gina! you're awesome, now i think a four-star-rating is not enough. i think you guys are right, he may just want to be friends only. it does pay to ask other's advice coz i can't help but become irrational when trying to explain to myself his behavior. being anxious about his behavior just makes me more involved, and being more involved i'd likely get hurt. what's with me anyway? shouldn't i be just happy with my two kids? i am happy, but sometimes i feel something is missing. somebody told me i should start dating--have not time for that; someone else said i try YM, Skype etc...--could not sustain that either. so here comes this guy, it seems inevitable.. i did fall.
A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 He probably found you to be an interesting person and was inquisitive, but thats all. Asking him to a church meeting was ok but it obviously isn't his thing. He may also feel that you want to take this beyond a relaxed easy going friendship, so he is just pulling back to let you know that. You don't know enough about his background to understand why he doesn't want anyone to get the wrong impression about the two of you. Guys stir each other terribly about this and he may have a relationship that other co workers are aware of and he doesn't want rumours to spread...there are heaps of reasons. This is also a reason why office relationships can be uncomfortable.
How to sort this out. Just treat him like the others, say hello if its appropriate don't pay him any special attention, be nice as your are to everyone and as you continue this things will settle down. Don't look into things eg indirect answers etc just go to work interact with people, smile, enjoy their company, be friendly and he will feel more comfortable around you again. When things feel better you could take the chance to have a brief chat and mention that you may have unintentionally embarassed him...or whatever you may want to say and if he is a reasonable guy he'll smile back say something positive and you can continue to enjoy working near each other again.
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