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age
30-35,
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writes: I know it's long, but I plan on responding to anyone who responds/offers advice. So I met this guy about 5 months ago and we hit it off great. We became pretty close friends. He was straight, I am gay but not a lot of people know about me. I don't consider myself in the closet since my parents and most of my friends know about me but I don't come off as gay at all so when I meet knew people, they automatically assume I'm straight. Anyway, we became very good friends and decided to be roomates next year. One day after a night of drinking with friends, I just decided I should probably tell him I was gay, so I did. We were all insanely drunk and I didn't even remember that he sort of freaked out and went home right away when I came out to him. But then he instantly regretted it and apologized the next morning and we had a really good talk. He said he didn't mean to act that way and that he was really drunk. I told him it didn't really matter since I was too drunk to notice/remember his reaction anyway lol. So we laughed it off and things returned to normal.Now, I've always had a crush on him. Like, I'm infatuated with this guy. And I always thought there was a possibility that he could be gay (there were some signs that set off my gaydar). So we still remained pretty good friends a week after I came out to him. Then one day after another night of drinking (we're not alcoholics, we're just in college lol)we were walking home and I could tell there was something he wanted to get off his chest. So I asked him what's wrong. He basically told me that I'm a confusing person because he never thought I would be gay in a million years. He then went on to say that I make him kind of confused about himself and that he comes from a very conservative, Irish catholic background which is why he's freaking out about these feelings he's having. Still buzzing from the alcohol, I blurted out the question "Do you like me?" He looked away and couldn't answer. We talked about it more the next day and he did admit that he likes me but he says he's never EVER had feelings for a guy before. He has had relationships with women but they were always very volatile, never lasting more than 2 months. To give you an idea of how conservative his parents are, he one day brought a half white,half black girl to his home to meet his parents. His parents immediately told him not to see her anymore and he was forbidden to take her to a school dance as he had planned.After he admitted he liked me, I finally did the same and admitted to him. However, we took it verrry slow. It was something that was entirely new to him and I did not want to scare him away. We only just kissed for the first time a week after we said that we liked each other. I let him make all the first moves, not wanting to push him into anything he wasn't comfortable with just to fulfill my own selfish interests (I like him that much). We began doing a littloke more than just make out. He says he really likes me and we have hooked up multiple times (no sex, just touching and fooling around, and he does get hard lol, so he kind of has to be gay? lol ). We currently classify our relationship as just "a thing" right now and agreed that we will wait until the end of summer to see if it grows into something more. Which I'm almost positive it will and so is he. However, he said something recently like, I think I could see myself going back to girls. I kinda got defensive but he assured me that I'm the one he likes now and that he would probably only go back to girls if it somehow doesn't work out between us. To which he responds "I don't see us just falling apart anytime soon" so that kind of settled me down a bit. He said I'm the only guy he's ever liked and that's his reasoning for it. Now I'm sorry for all this background information but it's kind of necessary to answer this question: Did I turn him gay or was he always gay and just didn't know it? Or did he know it all along but was so deeply closeted and ashamed about it considering his conservative family background? And last, Is it truly possible for him to go back to girls if we don't work out? I feel that you can't just change your sexual preference as easy as he's insinuating. Thanks so much in advance everyone!
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female
reader, anne_800  +, writes (22 June 2009):
i am a really old lady however that doesnt meAn i am without a tale or two of my own. forever i lived life a my family wanted it, i pretended all the way to having had a few dates, a few relationships and yes a marriage well 2 neither lasted however today i am grateful as all that back and fourth with straight life and bi life. I am more assured than ever that here is where i am today tomorrow well frankly i will deal with that when it comes. just relax dont make a mountain of our a mole hill, extra stress on the two of you will not make for smooth sailing. live for today dont waste curses on yesterday, strive to have the best time every moment and dont live with regrets. good luck to you, peace out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update. While he told me a few weeks ago that he could still see himself going back to girls, he's recently began saying things like "So far, this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been involved in." and "I haven't been this happy in a long time."
I think we may be falling in love? Although I'm not sure because I don't think I've ever been in love. I can easily say that I reciprocate those feelings that he mentioned above. But I've seen people that have jumped into relationships too fast, thinking that they were in love, only for the relationship to fail miserably later down the line. I want to take it as slow as possible to avoid this, but at the same time, I feel that we both kind of want to be a couple. As I mentioned in my story, we're still just "a thing" or "fling," if you will. Could he seriously go back to girls just like that after all this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I think you're friend just had never met you before. Let me explain. I managed to live 32 years as a straight person and never considered myself gay. Then i started getting these feelings for a lady friend. Nothing happened but about a year later i made friends with a married mother of two. She too considered herself straight. Our friendship developed into the most magical relationship i have ever had. We connected mind, body and soul. She has recently finished our relationship (which became long distant) And does not now rule men out of her future. I on the other hand believe i will never sleep with a man again and consider myself gay.
My point is sometimes it takes a special person to wake up what was always there. It might remain that way for ever or it might be another person of the opposite sex that turns your head. Enjoy what you have right now. None of us knows what the future holds. You never know a man might just knock me for 6 .....
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I would say the guy is gay and has always been. If you look at his reaction firstly to him coming out to you it clearly touched a nerve with him as in some way it was holding up a reflection to himself. Also, as you say a lot of the incentive seems to have come from him his reaction is one of fear, as you suddenly open up a possibilty. Another huge factor in this is his background and clearly there is a huge amount of supression going on here and I think that is something that is proved in the fact that it sounds like he has difficulty forming a relationship with women... if he was satisfied with his sexuality previosu girlfirends would have lasted far longer.
I don't it's simply a case of bicuriosty. If it was then all he would have needed was to go to any guy and have a go... the fact that it is specifically about you suggests that this is more than a sexual thing (equally when there has been no sex involved as of yet) it's about feelings. His saying that he wants to go back to girls could be true but I think it is once again more likely fear.
This is a dangerous path you're treading. I suspect that you've probably been in love with this guy (and are still) for quite sometime. But in essence you need to remove yourself from the situation and be there to talk to him. the biggest feeling going on for him right now is fear, he needs reassurance and has primarily picked you out for that role, that may change in the future but right now he just needs someone to lean on, be there for him.
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female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (16 June 2009):
I don't think you made him gay, you can't change what some one feels he did that by his own self. He may say he likes girls now but if it true love fate will bring you together. This ya girl, peace
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBi-curious? I don't know. You may be right, I believe him when he says he's never had feelings for another guy before. But there were some subtle signs that made me think he could be gay. I feel like if I hadn't come around, he would've been one of those 40 year old men who suddenly, amid a mid-life crisis, realize that they are gay...
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (16 June 2009):
 You know if his family is THAT conservative then its possible that he could have just assumed he would have to be with a girl. I think that you opened up his mind a little but in no way did you "turn" him gay. I suspect he has always been bi sexual lol, he just didnt realize it until you came along. lol. I hope that helps! Good luck and I with you a very happy relationship!!! ^_^
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female
reader, niki20 +, writes (16 June 2009):
 i personally dont think you turned him gay, i think that maybe you peeked his intrest as to what a gay realationship is like, maybe he is bi curious and maybe he was always thinking about it but was to scared/nervous to admit that he liked anyone, and found comfort and courage in you. i dont think he was ashamed about it but maybe didnt want to admit that he had feelings for any other male. i think he is jore bi curious then gay at the moment as he did insinuate he still is attracted to girls.
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