A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:last weekend, for our 3 year anniversary, my partner brought her best friend over and we had a threesome. as my partner is not all that excitable, she went to sleep afterwards, and her friend and i continued to have oral and then had intercourse a further 2 times. before i go any further, let me tell you that i have had a crush on this friend of my partner for about 2 years now.anyway, afterwards we basked in the glow and had one of those post sex talks afterward, and we found that we are so compatible, and while i stroked her hair she told me that i made her feel loved more than anyone has before, i am falling for her and i think she may be falling for me too. she is more attractive, likes the things that i like but my partner doesnt, is fun, gives great head and i feel like she is my soulmate, what should i do, leave my partner of 3 years who has a mood like a saloon door, and is very self centered for her friend, or stay with her and risk a massive temptation to cheat.my heart is in love with my partner, but my soul is in love with her best friend, it is very confusing, as i have been wanting to get with the friend for a long time, what do i do?
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anniversary, best friend, crush, soulmate, threesome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): the way you have spoken about your partner, you really don't seem to have much love for her and i feel if you stay with her you will always wonder about what could've been with the friend. a real relationship with the friend may or may not work out. who knows? but i think that taking the friend out of the equation,need to weigh up the good and bad points of your partner and decide whether you want to leave the relationship before you do anything else.
hope this helps xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): I find it a bit odd that a couple would celebrate a three year anniversary by committing consensual adultery. Where is the sincerity of honoring an anniversary in this?
Your threesome was followed by a twosome. You and the friend.. who you now have decided has your soul. Pretty strong words for a sexual infatuation. The mere fact that you 'believe' she has your soul is enough for you to end the relationship you have with your partner and figure your heart and head out. You need to get real with yourself.
Post after post on Dearcupid... explores reasons for cheating. Many say that one partner cheats when there is something missing in the relationship. I say that couples who require a third party in order to get things going in the bedroom are likewise missing something in their relationship. Anytime you need a third person to attain what should be happening naturally between two people is a symptom of a shortcoming in the chemistry between the two.
I won't lecture you on the fact that there are moral boundaries you and your partner crossed in utilizing another human being as a sexual enhancement. However, you clearly have been wanting to graze in this woman's pasture for a long enough period of time for it to be a huge red flag for you... you and your partner are better off parted.
As for you? Well, you haven't finished sowing your wild oats yet and may be better off playing the field for a while until you are ready to settle down.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 It seems as though you have always been cheating on some level anyway if your soul has always been yearning for this friend. You have to be honest with both of them. Consider being with neither for now until you can sort your thoughts out.
I noticed you referred to your current girlfriend as you 'partner' and not a girlfriend. To me (although I may just be reading too much into things) that says "My heart is not wholly devoted to her" and that would lead me to believe that you have always wanted to be with this friend, both heart and soul where your heart was merely keeping you attached to your current girlfriend out of care and little else.
Whatever you do, honesty is very important. Take some time to yourself so you can think deeply about this and see whether or not your heart has slipped into the hands of this friend.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 There is not much info on why this relationship got a little boring. The definition of a soul mate is one who wouldn't stray even when the relationship got a little boring. You have to talk more with your girlfriend. I don't know who would fall asleep when one is supposed to feel a little jealousy. Maybe alcohol? Just remember that women are women, they will show their moody side sooner or later. You have to accept the whole package of a woman, meaning that one day she will say things that make you feel like a god, one day she will express frustration on how you are not doing things correctly.
Maybe your girlfriend doesn't know how important a good blow job is. Tell her how important it is, that she is enjoying the action also. The first time I enjoyed giving head was when I was 27, but I agree it has to be the right guy. When I was 21 I had absolutely no clue. So maybe we learn at different pace. Don't just assume because someone else is doing a good job, then she can't also.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Gosh! This is exactly why threesomes are such a bad idea in real life! You have opened Pandora's box so to speak and crossed the boundaries of fantasy and reality. Now you must deal with the consequences.
Only you can decide. I would suggest you with who you have the strongest feelings for. But then of course it could be a case of the grass looking greener with the "bestfriend". On the surface she seems like your ideal mate, but when you have been with her for 3 years you may notice her bad habits and annoying character traits. She may share so much in common with you but she might have major mood swings once she is comfortable with you or she may be a serial cheat who will go off with your bestfriend after requesting a 3 year anniversary threesome with you and him.
Then again she and you could be "soulmates" and live together forever in perfect harmony.
You cannot know how things will pan out for certain. WHat you know about anyone at any one time is only the tip of the iceburg. There is so much going on underneith that you may or may not like. You have to decide what partner you want by you instinct, what you know of them, and your personal core values. YOU have to be happy with your decision. No one on here can give you right answer because there isn't one. There is only the answer that feels right to you.
Good luck
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