A
male
age
36-40,
*ot fat
writes:ok, so here is the deal im gettin married in less than 30 days. lets call her miss bee, well miss bee and i have been together going on 10 years. i love her deeply, we have two sons and have been together since high school. ok so my ? i have been mean to her, i get in a bad mood when she calls or gets home.i dont understand why i keep doing this she is the last person i would want to hurt. miss bee is very understanding and never treats me this way even when im being mean. ok what it is that im doing is not that bad, im just short with her not even yelling just not nice. i even know when im doing it and cant stop, its strange this lack of control. people tell m i have cold feet, but thats not me. im very eazy going, it takes a lot to raddle my cage. ihave no fear of gettin married, we have been together almost 10 years that longer than most married couples. i want to stop being rude, i even try making up for it, flowers little love notes. i even pump myself up before she gets home. but still it happens and gets me more upset. any help would be great.
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male
reader, not fat +, writes (28 November 2010):
not fat is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondenim, that was lots of help. janniepeg, i will start to practice my breathing i think that will help with the control. bettyboop this is a new thing with me. many people have told us how they wished to be as close as miss bee and i. odds she will get that kiss. thanks all
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Not sure what you can do about being on the phone, but whenever she gets home, before either of you says a word, grab her and give her a kiss - 5 to 10 seconds long. Hold her close while you do it. Should have a pretty calming effect, and you don't have to prepare for it.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (27 November 2010):
 There is something in your life that you keep bottled up... Frustrations etc, and she is the person you feel unconditional love from and you let off the steam with her.
You need to search your heart and figure out what is causing the frustration. Work on that... Figure out a way to vent somewhere else.
It seems like she is really understanding and tolerant... But believe me someday she will reach the end of her rope and it will all come out. And when it does, it will be devastating. Things will be done and said that you may never be able to fix or recover from. This is just one opinion based on one experience...
You have to get to the roo of this and fix it now while you still can. Good luck, Denim
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 I don't know what's going on in your mind. It could be: she's stopping you from exploring and you couldn't find a good reason to leave this relationship. You are young and you missed out on your partying days. You feel guilty of trying to get more space for youself. Miss bee is always so nice but at the same time it's like a trap. It's better to ask yourself than other strangers. When did this rudeness start? If you have always been like that then I wonder what makes miss bee stay with you for 10 years. Maybe she used to see her dad fuss at her mom and she's used to it? I bet you are only asking this because she's complaining. If she has to mention it then it's bad, yelling or not. There is no magic pill or spell to make you stop, rather than just stop, TODAY. Practice being aware of your breathing, your heart beat.
You are stuck with Miss Bee and your two kids for the rest of your life, haha, poor you! Can't bang anyone else, how sad!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 There is probably something deeper that is behind your behaviour. It sounds like something that has been going on for some time. I don't think you can find the answer here on the internet, as it will be deeply personal and may require exploring situations from your past. I would suggest visiting either a psychotherapist to unravel the possible causes for this behaviour, or a cognitive behavioural therapist to put strateries in place to stop you acting in ways that are undesirable to you.
Good luck
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