A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years we are both 29. This is the first serious relationship for both and he is also my first. he just broke up with me for the second time for the same reason there is a feeling missing and he cant explain it. we talked marriage before but he was laid off a few times so we really never had the money to. We moved in together in December 08 he broke up with me the first time in September 09 and i moved out. We got back together the beginning of December 09 and things were going great he cried the first two times we seen each other, then the end of December his Mom passed unexpectedly. I was there for him through all of that. The relationship seemed to be going really good better than ever. Then out of the blue he did it again. he said he needs to do this, and that it might be the biggest mistake of his life, he says i am so good and that why its hard to give me up, we are best friends, i would make a trust worthy wife and a great mother, he thinks we r good together but maybe not made for each other, he says he loves me but there is a feeling missing and says he's not happy and deserves someone who makes him happy without changing who she is. We agreed to see each other one last time to end the relationship, he cried harder than i did, said he loved me so much and kissed me like he never did before(well in the begging he did) he says he's lonely, misses me, it feels like a part of him is missing and kills him to think of me with some one else, I feel the same way he does. but he still needs to do this. He says i can do better than him he said he wont break my heart a third time but if we r meant to be than we will. i feel everything he says contradicts itself. i told him i was going to ask him to marry me but he said he would of had to say no cause he is unsure how he feels. He wants to be friends cause he says we know each other better than anyone ever will and wants me as a part in his life but i told him i cant its all or nothing, I'm so confused by the things he says. i feel in my heart and soul we are meant to be. He is also so stubborn. he says he doesn't want someone else but to me he broke up with me to find that missing thing with someone else someday... Do i just give up on the person i love and want to be with and just try to forget him and move on??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Hi, I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice it really helps. I'm going to give him a month or 2 with no contact and see how we both feel after that. who knows maybe i will find someone else or he will wake up from this coma he's in. i know he has a lot of other stuff going on in his life, his dad is not in great health, his aunt also has cancer, and hes worried about his finances and i know that is no excuse to get rid of me. he said god shits on him every chance he gets. he has seen so much devastation in his life with a house fire, bike accidents, his moms passing. Believe me I am not trying to make excuses for him, i think he is really confused, depressed and trying to figure out what he wants in life. But i am not gonna put my life on hold for him, i do need to take some time for my self and figure out who i am... So thanks again for all the advice
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Yeah it sounds like it is over. I mean he definitely cares about you and always will, I am sure he cries because he knows how great you are and it hurts him to hurt you, but he is not on the same page, he feels like something is missing. Maybe you are both not meant for each other, that is how he seems to feel.
It is painful, but perhaps you will meet someone that you have an even better connection with. Perhaps this is also a chance for you to grow and figure things out as a single lady for a little while. That is always a great experience, to do things on your own.
But as for him, its just pretty clear, the writing's on the wall. Yeah maybe he will regret it down the road. It is normal for a guy who wants to break up to have second thoughts...which is probably why he returned to you in dec 09. You definitely should move on.
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A
female
reader, Angelripper  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It's rare that something gets to me this much, but it literally broke my heart reading what you had written. I'm deeply sorry you have to go through this ... *hugs*.
Fact is, he may love you, of that there is no doubt. I'm sure he cares about you a lot, but it's not in the way you would want it to be. It almost looks like he is more sad about the fact that he will not have someone to be there with him all the time to solve his problems anymore, instead of mourning the fact that YOU will no longer be there. He is trying to keep you in his life because although he has moved on, he needs the reassurance that you give. I think it's good that you're going for all or nothing, as you need time and distance to move on, and he needs to find another way to deal with his issues. He feels that he is missing something from you, maybe because you two have only ever had each other ... then let him go out and seek it elsewhere, but I am pretty sure what he's looking for is right there in front of him, in the form of everything that you are. He just doesn't realize it right now ... but that shouldn't bind you to the past, hoping for him to come back.
Move on with your life, and find someone who is worth it, and will appreciate everything that you are, never doubting that he is with the right person. Maybe you two will be reunited again, but please, don't count on it ... you deserve better.
Best of luck to you, lots of love, if ever you want to talk about anything at all, just if you're having a difficult time, please feel free to PM me :D.
-The Resident Metalhead
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I agree with everyone else, you do need to dump him. He's already left you twice, so what is the point in staying? I'm not sure what his deal is (he sounds very confused??), but don't you want to be with someone who can't imagine his life without you and wouldn't dream of leaving you? He's treating you like a yo-yo, and you deserve a way more stable relationship than this.
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A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (23 August 2010):
 I'm so sorry you had to go through this hun, as break ups are never easy, no matter how much we try to cushion the blow. I went through the same situation when I had to break it off with my now ex-boyfriend. He was where you are though and I'm going to put myself in the place of your ex.
From what he's telling you, it may not make much sense but the range of emotions and all of his words come from a very torn place. I remember I felt like the lowest person in the world breaking the heart of someone I loved but who I just couldn't see myself with anymore. I also went back a couple times because it felt right when we were together again at first but then the thought that I wasn't as happy as I should be crept back. Unforunately, I started to resent him because he wouldn't let me go and made the process so much more harder. Of course that wasn't his fault or is it yours, but letting your bf go once and for all and moving on with your life is the best thing you can do for YOU.
He loves you but this is something he feels he needs to do because stringing you along and living a lie is not fair to either of you. As far as being friends, you've already made it clear that it's all or nothing and that's understandable. He'll get over it just as you're forced to get over this. I hope this gives you some insight and time slowly but surely heals all wounds.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 August 2010):
I'm afraid you do need to pull back and give up. When a guy says he's 'not good enough', the truth is he's not. Granted your ex has been through a lot lately, such as the passing of hit mother. But he's searching for something that doesn't exist and has seemingly unrealistic expectations. You have to let him go, more for your own sake. No matter what you do, he'll always be searching for something more that isn't there. All the kisses, all the tears, all the words mean nothing if they are from a man who is willing to ditch you twice because he's looking for something more that's not there. You may feel in your heart and soul that you're meant to be. But the actions of this guy are screaming at you to get away from him. You can do better, that is the truth. Let him go to his own world, and you live your own life. Nothing good will come of you staying around this man, who will just continue to use you as an emotional prop before claiming he's looking for more and running away again. He has broken up with you two times, both for the same reason. He has said you can do better. Take his words and actions literally. You can do better, and you can find a guy who will commit. This guy is not the one.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (22 August 2010):
You said it right all are nothing! it's not you you know what you want and love him dearly! he's the one is confused? and think there is something missing! ya'll have been together 11 yrs and each others first! sounds like he needs to go sew his oats and that is what it is all about he said it to you. he wants to venture and see what he is missing i would let him go. what he doesn't see it's right infront of his face but let him figure it out! but no i would not wait around no matter how much it hurts are you his door matt ,and when he figures it out honey, im home. no when you love someone you love that person and stand by them but not for that person to say to you i want out there is something missing? what ever. i would tell him go find what you need because iam not waiting around im gonna figure it out too! he really is confused and it is all about woman he wants to explore and have you waiting on the side lines in case it doesn't work don't let him do that to you that is so disrespectful to you and you are allowing it i know you love him and are willing for him to do what he needs too! but dam, common you will be his door matt 4-ever if you allow it. he is a very sellfish person only thinking of himself and what he wants not what you need or want and how this is hurting you i don't care how many times he cried infront of you actions speaks louder then words and you know what i think? there already is someone he's letting you down easy so to ease his guilt.
Good Luck!
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