A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for more than 1 yr.. and i was always happy with him. i always felt he treated me good. had some few problems but then no relationship is perfect.for some time though i have been feeling a little insecure about his feelings for me because hes always sweet, but doesn't say anything concrete, we still haven't said the i love you yet, but i'm afraid to say it in case he isn't going to say it back. i feel like there is a lack of intensity, you know, how men are supposed to WANT to always be around their girlfriends? and how they are supposed to want to meet frequently, and how they are supposed to want to hear their voice and that kind of thing? he'll say things that i'm beautiful or sweet or cuddly and he'll be really sweet to me, but nothing about how much i mean to him?monday night we had a fight.. because he told me hes going to be busy that week so we aren't going to be able to meet, i asked what he'll be busy with and he said its private! so i said maybe we can just go for ice cream instead of dinner or something so it wont take so long, he said no he cant. so i freaked out, i mean, he is supposed to want to right? he can't even spare one hour in a week for me and he cant even explain what it is thats keeping him so busy? (this was online on chat)then i called him (he had said not to call at that time coz he was in a meeting - but i needed to speak with him) and he hung up and didn't bother to contact me until 2 full days later when we met on chat again during which time he talked to me nooormally like nothing had gone wrong. i talked normally as well because i decided these issues should be discussed face to face. so we haven't met yet, and i'm feeling completely dissatisfied. i am a little surprised at how upset i am with him, because i was never this unhappy with our relationship. he needs to show me more WANT, more intensity, but that is not something you can force someone to have right?? he either has ir or he doesn't right?? he really is generally a VERY busy person.. works 7 days a week.. everyday until 7 or 8 in the evening.. so he really doesnt have much time on his hands.. but i need more! what should i do? what should i say to him? what do you think of this whole thing??
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female
reader, jabey  +, writes (21 February 2008):
i agree with how you are feeling, I too beleive if a man really wants you with that intensity he will do anything to see you and be with you.
I feel this man really cares about you, but is not truly in love and a little unsure. Different people take different amount of times to get to this point. i feel your frustration after a year we feel things should progress its natural.
Im afraid its time to play the game. Back off big time. Start going out more with your friends and build up your life. Be busy busy busy, try not to focus on him. Dont ask to meet him as tempting as it may be, wait for him to initiate a date. By backing off he will notice a difference in your behaviour and tone. He will feel your indifference, this will make him wonder whats going on, where are you ? you add an air of mystery.
Now this will hopefully make him want you more, men can sense neediness and can feel pressured and bored if you are always there, give him a cahallenge , take his security blanket away.
if by you backing off he backs off further, im afraid this guy is not really that bothered. Whereas by you backing off it makes him keener then you know he is keen.
dont go online for a few days, make it harder for him to reach you. show himk your in charge of your life and that you are happy with or without him.
With this space and lack of pressure he will be able to sort out what he wants. Sometimes if someone is unsure the more we push, the more they pull away. stop pushing then he has nothing to pull away from.
Good luck, if after a while you still fel his non commintment then maybe end the relationship, tell him you are no longer satisfied, that also will scare him and if he wants you he will soon let you know. And if he does not try to win you round the sooner you know his heart isnt in it the better for you, because you can then get on and meet someone who will love and adore you xxxx
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