A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear readers, I'm a 36 year old female in a 2 year relationship with a 40 year old male. The only reason we are together is because he persued me and I eventually fell hook line and sinker for him! The first year I was showered in flattering texts that wooed me to no end. Omg I fell so in love with him, as he did with me. We have had a small few. breakups but always got back together. Recently though we had the longest break ever... 6 weeks! I emailer him he replied and before you knew it we were a couple again. We made up about 5 weeks ago. Here's the thing though.... Since we have made up we have not been intimate once. When texting me he refers to me complely diffirently since. He's gone from calling me pet names like "baby" to "kid" now. Like how are you baby to how are you kid... Constantly! He blows me off alot when I sugest we hang out of an evening. To be honest I think he has a comfort level set up where he watches his favorite shows at night so I don't believe he is seeing someone else. He's a creature of habit. At the same time (fine example) I get a call from him this Wed evening, he goes on to say how do I feel about spending the ENTIRE day Sun hanging out, going to the mall and just spending the whole day together. Although this was a sweet proposal it was code for "can we skip doing a movie and at my place Sat nite" which once was an every Sat night event that we both looked forward too. He loved to hold my body while we watched tv. I confronted his possible "code" and he denies what he said is a get out of Sat night card but I know him so well. Here's where I'm really confused and need help. He has a record of vanashing off the face of the earth when it comes to avoiding people including girls (I remember this from when we were friends and first met, he did this alot to girls) so what i'm trying to say is if he didn't want to be bothered with me he would without battering an eyelid avoid all contact with me. He infact prides himself in doing this to people. Bottom line, this bf of mine has gone from spoiling me, telling me he loves me, always calling me baby and always asking me if I'm free to taking me to Costco for a free sampler, never saying I love you, calling me kid, giving me reasons why he can't hang out when I ask him if he's free (98%of the time) Yet he still wants me in his life, I know he does because he tries to please me by making up for the times he's not available to see me when I request his company. To paint a slight picture without trying to sound full of it, I have a baywath type body and a pretty face and get asked out alot but my bf and I have a deep connection. If he didn't want to continue seeing me he would avoid me or simply tell me somehow. I just don't get why we haven't been intimate since getting back together or why he can't see me some nights but yet still feels it neccsary to make that up to me by picking another time which always involves doing something outdoors and not indoors wink wink. Why would a guy with a great girl make her guess so often as to why she feels unimportant lately. If he didn't want to be in this relationship then why would he act like this. It's going to eventually cause me to leave him for good. Do guys go through phases like his or is there a reasonable explaintion for his change of behaviour? Why would sex become less important to a guy and why would the same guy neglect his girl but still want her as a gf? There are some great advisors here and I can only hope you help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): He could be cheating on you. Don't take it personally if he is; as you said yourself, you are an attractive woman. It might be better to let one of the others have a chance and stop putting up with his behaviour.
A
female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (11 June 2009):
The only time this has happened to me was when I found out my boyfriend of a year and a half met someone else and started dating her but wasn't sure about her yet. He started altering the times we usually spent together and would see her on those nights. I found out later that after I'd call him to say goodnight, he'd call her and they'd spend hours on the phone. He used to give me full on hugs and then started hugging me lightly with little pats which was different. He also stopped calling me honey bunny and started calling me "kiddo" and instead of saying "I love you" he would say "love you". He also had no problem cutting people out of his life and that's how I met him. He was dating this girl and then bam, she was gone and full onto me. He wouldn't even take her calls, just ended it with no explanation to her. He made the same excuse by trying to get out of a night we would normally spend together by saying he would do all this special stuff another day to weazle out of it. Well, that night I dropped by his place and used the excuse that I needed some clothes I left over there and he was there just watching tv so I ddin't think anything was going on. I found out later, the girl he was seeing worked nights and she came over there late and would spend the night. He always told me that he would never cheat and just end it with no problems like his past girlfriends but oh no..not with me! I was the special one that he cruelly let things diminish and I think he got some sort of pleasure out of it. He also started wanting sex less and then it would be sporadic. Your guy shows all the typical signs of meeting someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): What interests me about your post is the fact that you are clearly not happy, and why would you be, and yet you seem resigned to putting up with this because of some deep connection? I cannot see (at least now) what you actually get from the relationship? Your man might be a creature of habit but do you really think it is acceptable to you for a guy to put his favourite tv show in front of a relationship every single time?? I could throw several things into the pot. He has met someone else but is not making a commitment to them but just wants to leave himself free 'in case'. He simply feels that the relationship has run its course from an attraction point of view and is not that bothered. He is trying to let you down slowly. All the pointers are there that he has lost interest in the relationship and you have two choices to either drive yourself insane to find out why or play him cool and see what happens. Try saying no to him for once. Ultimately though please please think about how you feel for yourself, without trying to work this guy out because he sounds like he is controlling the whole thing. I think you are building your whole life around him. He sounds selfish?
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