A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok this might be a bit lengthy I appologize in advance!So my boyfriend of 14months continues to speak to his exes and of course says they r "just friends" !!I have met one (she is engaged over 2 years now) however anytime she calls my bf for anything he does it for her. There is one overseas who has been obsessed with my bf for over 20yrs(he has dated her throughout the 20yrs right up until just before we started dating)...i told him i didnt want him talking to her about me or anything in my life(due to the fact i know she is obsessed with him)...i found out he has and does speak to her sometimes for hours at work. I saw an email to her recently that was pretty negative in that (i just became a grandmother for the first time)he told her the baby was NOT in his immediate family and he is in NO RUSH to meet the baby and that she shouldnt be saying congrats to him because its NOT his grandchild! Needless to say that really hurt me to see this! Than there is the friend from his work. (they have never dated she is married with kids) they have worked together for 8 yrs. She was on maternity leave for the last year. She called him pretty much everyday when she was off...now that she is back to work she calls him even more...not to mention she sees him everyday at work. She is calling him upwards to 10 times a day and texts him even at night. Now he gets off the phone with me if she calls or comes around him. I confronted him about this and he said he only did that once...i know it has been more than that. I am not usually a jealous or insecure person but I AM NOW!! He thinks he is doing nothing wrong with these woman as they are "Just Friends" which makes me look like the bad guy here. He says he hasnt lied to me but he never gave me all the facts about these people and to me THAT is lying!!I am confused as what to do because he is a wonderful person to me and is with me pretty much everyday! However i think and feel that he needs to put these people in their perspective places out of respect for me. He keeps reminding me that i told him when we first started dating that i was not insecure or a jealous person. I have told him because of his actions or lack of where these women are concerned he has caused me to feel this way. I think he either likes all the attention from them or he simply is that stupid in thinking he is doing nothing wrong. It seems he cant or wont let go of his past.(or even put them on the back burner although he says he has) My feeling is that when your in a committed relationship whether you think your right or wrong you should do whatever it takes to make ur partner feel secure and respected. I feel because he is continuing these relationships wether i like it or not shows his lack of respect to me! BTW he has said a few times that he guesses he was single for so long he just keeps on doing his usual things without thinking. (keeping in mind we have been together for 14 months now). I dont blame the women because i know he is the nucleous and has to be the one to put a stop to it all. How is this going to work if he is convinced he is doing nothing wrong? Should I stay or should i go?????
View related questions:
at work, engaged, grandmother, his ex, insecure, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, popeye_loves-cuspi  +, writes (24 February 2011):
Wow, simple answer, sit him down, phone off, attention on you, and lay out what you feel, communicate to him what you feel, how he makes you feel and how these other 'friends' make you feel too, if after that, he brushes it off and acts dis-interested, and tried to lay this at your door, i think you have to consider the fact he loves the attention and won't give that up for no one. It is the kind of behaviour you would expect from a teenager, but not a grown man. You're exactly right in saying 'you do what ever you can to make your partner feel secure and respected' il add to that and say loved and wanted aswell.. but the reality here is, he doesn't do that for you does he? He doesn't have the respect for you to tell them to go away, the love for you to do this either, and he most likely never will! If i was you, i would walk away and find that person who loves me, respects me, wants me and makes me feel secure, not let other people make me the total opposite!
|
