A
female
age
30-35,
*enny
writes:My boyfriend of a year, moved away to the province next to me two days ago for work. I asked him if he wanted to break up but he did not want to. But already I am feeling really insecure about our relationship. When we were together we were so close and saw each other almost every other day. But it seems like just 2 days since he moved he's become a lot less caring. He texts me in the morning and maybe calls me to say goodnight. Do you think I'm expecting too much from him when I want him to text me during the day letting me know how he's doing? I know that if I moved away I would want to fill him in on my new life as much as I can. He says that he'll be there for around a year and will come back to visit when he can. But who knows, he might decide to stay there for 4 years. Should I just save the heartache and break up with him now? I love him so much and I know he loves me too, but maybe we both aren't suited for a long distance relationship.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Ahhh, that explains his lack there of communication. So basically he's playing catch up with the people from his home town. Understandable, he's still getting adjusted to his changed lifestyle and new scenery. Give it a little time and let him know about how you would like to see a little more effort on his part in communication. Like I said this is all new to you.
A
female
reader, wenny +, writes (21 February 2011):
wenny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am trying really hard not to think about him 24/7 when he obviously doesn't think about me very much. The place he moved to is actually where he grew up and lived for 15 years so he has no problem settling in. Of course all his friends are there too, so it's obvious he won't miss me as much when he's busy catching up and hanging out with all of them. He also lives with his cousin, so I can understand why he's not as sad as I am since he's not alone. Is it so hard for him to text me to ask how I'm doing since he's the one that left? I guess I'm just asking for a little more effort on his part, because I am willing to put everything I have into this relationship if it means him coming back to me. I will let him know today about his lack of communication. He hasn't been back to his hometown in 8 months and he's enjoying his new found independence since he used to live with his mother, so maybe I should give him some time to get used to it before I consider breaking up. I have asked him several times and he has told me that he's there to work hard and earn money, not to find a new relationship or even have a life.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 February 2011):
Ahhh. Is there not any universities by him you can transfer to? It may be a pain but it's a possibility.
The reason why the communication on his part is a little slow is because he's probably getting settled into his new place and trying to figure out where things are in the new area. That takes quite a bit of time.
Have you tried talking to him about his communication? You do understand that it's going to lessen up since this is a LDR but it shouldn't that much..communication is all you have at the moment.
If he wanted to break up he would have told dumped you before he left.
Just give it some time, his departure is still fresh. Give yourself a chance to adjust.
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A
female
reader, wenny +, writes (21 February 2011):
wenny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks tennisstar88, your answer has really helped. The thing is, I'm in university right now and will be for 4 more years. I can't possibly move in with him. And he hasn't even started his new job yet so I don't know why he already has no time for me. I do trust him, I am just wondering how our relationship that seemed so strong, has turned into almost nothing at all in the span of 3 days. Maybe he does want to break up, and is afraid to hurt me even more. This is my first relationship so it's so hard for me to get over it and let go.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 February 2011):
I agree with you he should have discussed this LDR with you, to make sure it's something you both agree upon. Then again, he has been unemployed for so long and this job was sprung on him at the last minute so you can't really hold it against him for leaving you. I'm sure he didn't want to, but it's a great opportunity and the bills probably need to be paid.
Perhaps, if things go well in this LDR he'll ask you to move in with him eventually. I mean it's only been a year, so maybe 6 more months of being settled into his new job he'll ask you to move.
LDRs are extremely hard and they're not for everyone. That's why people say they don't ever work. You've got to have communication, trust, and you can't be a needy or clingy girl. They also don't last forever, so there initially has to be some high level of commitment. In other words, plans of moving in, engagement, marriage within time. You don't want to be wasting your time.
Depending upon his new job, that's probably all the time he has to speak with you. Keep in mind he's trying to get situated in his new job and area. It's not exactly professional to be on your phone texting while at work. You also have to have trust in him, that he's staying faithful. So if you're going to be in this LDR you're going to have let those insecurities go, otherwise you will drive yourself mad wondering what he's doing 24-7.
Now that he's gone, the key is staying busy..meaning taking extra hours on at work, classes, taking up newfound hobbies, spending a lot more time with friends, and family. Especially working so you can save up extra money to visit him when permitted.
I say give it some more time, for him and you to adjust to being in a LDR. Say about 3 months in you decide that this isn't working for you, then opt out. For now stick it out to see if it has any perks for you down the road. (coming from a chick who has been in a bunch of LDRs and married her last one)
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A
female
reader, wenny +, writes (21 February 2011):
wenny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should add that he had to leave two days after he found out he got the job, so I only had one day to adjust to this huge change. I wish that he would've included me in his decision more, but he has been unemployed for a while so I know that this job is a great opportunity for him. Of course we're still young, but he has mentioned on several occasions that he wants to be with me forever. Maybe I was just naive to believe him. I have no reason to doubt that he won't be faithful to me, I just have doubts because of how easy it was for him to leave, and that he has not talked to me as much as he used to when we were living closeby.
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