A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my fiance for 6 years and i am desperate to get married and have children. he has been married before and keeps making excuses that he wants to wait to make sure about a second marriage. he says he does want to marry me but just not yet. i think he may be in love with someone else. his mobile rings a lot and he goes out of the room to answer. i recently heard him on his mobile telling someone he loved them and couldn't wait to see them again. i asked who it was and he said it was his mum! just before valentines day i found 2 cards in his drawer - he gave me only one! i also think i know who the other woman is but she is married and has just had a child. i am so confused and don't know whether to say something to him. his first marriage broke down because his ex-wife cheated on him - a reason i thought he would never cheat on me. i don't think the relationship with the other woman is sexual but i do think he loves her and she is the reason he won't marry me. i have moved away from my family to be with him and i feel so alone.
View related questions:
ex-wife, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): I think he cheats on you, that's for sure!
I had a bf for 9 long years and 1 month before our wedding, i found out he had been cheating me all these years!
Leave the guy if you can, ok? Life will be better than stick with a bastard who knows nothing but just cheating.
I know it will be hard b'cos i faced it before!
But if i can face it, so can you!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Red has given you a really good answer here. I don't have much to add to it, other than to emphasize the need for you to take control of your own future. You have given him the decision-making power for your future together. It sounds like it's time for you to take it back.I've mentioned this book before, and I really do recommend it for clarifying your thinking about what you want in a relationship. "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills, and no, I'm not the author or in any way connected with her. The book helped me with my relationship with my now husband. I think it was published in 1988, but is available in used book stores on line.You need to think long and hard about what you want from the future. If it is with this man, then he has to be on the same page as you, and it doesn't seem that at the moment he wants the same things.I'm also very, very suspicious of the mobile calls and the valentines....All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (15 February 2008):
Whether your fiance is cheating or not I couldn't tell you for sure, but it sounds a bit dodgy. It seems strange to leave the room when you answer your mobile. And two valentines cards??
The fact that he won't marry you after 6 years is strange. You are engaged which means that you should be setting a date and organising a wedding not waiting around for him to make up his mind, surely this should be done before he asked you to mary him, or accepting your proposal if you asked him. I mean what is he waiting for??
But that said are you sure that you want to marry him? You think that he is having an affair already and you say that you feel lonely, which suggests that you are unhappy with this relationship the way it is at the moment.
I would suggest that you have a real think about what you need from this relationship, and sit down with your fiance and tell him what you want, ask him to be honest about why he wants to wait for marriage. And ask him how long you are expected to sit around and wait for him to make up his mind.
It seems really unfair on you to not know where you stand when after 6 years you should be secure and planning your future together.
I hope that he can give you the answers you are looking for.
Best of luck to you, take cae
xxx
...............................
|
