Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): A relationship cannot work without trust. If someone is not worthy of trust then dont set yourself up for a future with an wannabe player.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): I dont understand why you want to be with someone who must cause you endless embarassment. You are bound to harp on about the past because you dont know if its still in the present and odds are that it is part of the future.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): leave the saddo. i spent 7 years with similar and its still going on now. have faith in yourself you deserve more than this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): With the last one,i hadnt seen him for two months.he told that girl about me not seeing him much,which was how that one started.when he asked me back though he told me how it had been five years and he wanted a serious relationship.he also said that he deserves a chance after all the chances he has given me.he doesnt go after people every time we argue actually but it has happened sometimes and it has happened when i havent seen him much.does anyone think that what i did was wrong,when i didnt see him for ages ?.and also he said he doesnt care about seeing my facebook page as he trusts me and we never spoke to each other much on there anyway.we were on each others relationship statuses before and he said that he would put that he is in a relationship now .he also said that he has only gone back on there so that he could post photos of his new kitten to show to his mum as she is on his friends list.his mum knows we are together so would he post comments to other girls knowing that his mum could tell me about it ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): He doesnt love you and never will. Next time you argue he will be back on the internet. People who want their partner back dont do that. He wants a girlfriend but it doesnt matter who,just as long as he has one. You know this but choose to stay. He is desperate and sad enough to look on the internet. I would be too embarrassed to be his default. You need to love yourself more and reject him just as the others have.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): you have a choice either put up with the shit or get someone who wants you and only you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): There shouldnt be privacy in a real relationship. You would be a fool to stay with this idiot. He is taking the piss. Nnw he knows you will always take him back his disrespect will continue. He is embarrassing. I have no doubt you are only there as his stand in.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): You are under threat,either agree with everything or he goes to the internet. You are being controlled by this. It is going to take it out of you. There is only one thing to do and you know what that is.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): You either put up with it for life or you can leave. I also agree that those without problems dont have to stoop to an embarrassing low and use the internet to meet a love match.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): He also told me to stop focusing on the past and to "grow up and get over it " and said i dont have a right to be on there because i invaded his privacy,and not that he was hiding anything.the only reason nothing physical has happened with anyone else though i think is because they werent interested in him at all or they were at first and then werent.and the distance too with a couple of them.i have to wonder why he always comes back to me and was he right with his actions because he felt abandoned ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): With the last girl,he told her that he wanted to get back with me .nothing went wrong with them apart from the fact that she is ill and didnt want to speak to him because of it.he said he has stopped talking to people as he wants things to work between us.he has a debilitating condition and hardly leaves the house.he does have a sweet,caring side but i do think he spends too much time online but i do feel sorry for him because of his condition.i want to believe that he will change but i'm not sure.there have been times where i went weeks or months without seeing him,even when we were together other times and he said he felt abandoned so i guess i am partly to blame for his actions.i want us to have a serious relationship.we keep getting pulled back to each other so there must be something there and we both have the same sense of humour.i hope it can get sorted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): he wont let u see his facebook page coz he knows u will give him an ear bashing when u find out he has been trying to replace u again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): the minute you argue he goes to the internet to get another? to me that says everything. Its a fact, he is not exactly a good prospect. he doesnt care. what are you really asking here. he isnt even worth your time. he is not worth the grief.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (23 October 2011):
So after 5 years,this guy simply goes to the internet for a replacement, after you break up? Why dont you go one better and keep away?
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male
reader, bronzed adonis  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 If he is on the internet for that, the first moment you break up,then the guy is not bothered as long as he has a girlfriend. You are there and easily replaceable as far as it is with him. What the hell do you want a shallow minded loser like that for?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): No,it isnt my biggest issue,which i have explained here.and why should i believe that he wont do it again if we argue ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): Is he bothered if he can see yours or not? Why dont you just end it and let him conduct his desperate internet dating without you? Going to the internet to find someone to date is for lifes losers anyhow. It is laughable to see people like that. Why do you want to be with one?
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female
reader, uroboros +, writes (22 October 2011):
you have been with him for over 5 years and your biggest concern is that you're not allowed on his facebook page?!?
please, get a life.
take care!
XX
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): i have ended a relationship with someone who had another life online. you will find this crap never goes away.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): It wasnt before i met him.i have been with him on and off for 5 years.it started when i found out about the girl who went to his flat.i always had a feeling that he wasnt telling me something which is why i snooped and found out that he told her he fancied her and i saw public comments on her page that they wrote to each other that were flirty with the other girl that he used to like at college. he once was flirty with her when me and him had just got back together.he found out she had been to our hometown once too (after she had been here) and he told her that he would have met up with her if he had known sooner .i know he might not have physically cheated but i dont like that he has lied,been secretive and that he even once dumped me for a girl online who he never met.if he hadnt lied and been secretive i wouldnt have snooped in the first place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2011): I am not saying this to be mean or to upset you. More often than not,the ones who dont trust are that way because they believe everyone is like them. They tend to judge people by what they themself would do in the same situation. You may be a bit of a trouble causer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): You have mentioned everything you saw to him I presume? You looked for something whether it was there or not. You are also going into his past. I think you will be chasing and hunting for things you want to be there forever,you are quizzing him over things before you knew him? You are acting how my ex began to act whilst (I later found out) was having an affair. Basically looking for justification. I`m not saying this is the case for you. You gotta admit, he`s got a valid point about you losing your right to be on his friends list. Have you not bothered phoning numbers from his cell phone yet? He`s got to have done something with someone somewhere you dont know about,whether past or present. yes?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): I dont think i should be punished for what i did.i think he is overreacting.to be honest,i hate facebook.i rarely use it these days.i think it can cause too much drama. i guess i still dont trust him with other women.i know flirting online isnt as bad as physically cheating,but i still hope he wouldnt do it if he is with me as it isnt right when you are with someone.does anyone think i overreacted to him being back on there though and him not adding me ?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 It's just Facebook.
Seriously!
He is however punishing you for your snooping. So either take it and accept it or let him go. Or there will be this never ending circle of punishing from either side.
IF you stay together.... You two obviously have some trust issues to work out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): His exact words were that i had "lost the right to be on his friends list because i hacked into his account ".
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 October 2011):
 IF he won't let you see it it's because he's hiding something. you have every right to be concerned.
I personally have an issue with anyone in a relationship that says "you need to be punished" and means it.... he is not your mommy or daddy it's not his place to "punish" you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Actually i saw some private messages,as well as public ones.i did find that he sent messages to other girls.i think it was when we werent together.we have been on and off for a few years.one private message was to someone he used to fancy (he told me that he didnt fancy her,but i had a hunch that he did.he told her in the message that he did and the rest of the message sounded odd too.i couldnt tell from that whether anything had happened between them but it sounded odd ).he also sent a flirty private message to her friend and wrote flirty public comments to a girl he used to like at college.he said they were only friends at that point but i wasnt sure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): What do you mean snooped? If you just mean browsing his page and seeing what hes PUBLICLY posting to friends and about his life and pics and etc, then he is majorly overreacting and he needs to settle down. You were broken up and made a poor decision- but really you didnt betray any trust. You just spent a little too much time on an ex`s facebook page. I mean wtf. I am assuming this because he is refusing to even add you, which means he doesnt want you repeating what you did- which means what you did was probably very innocent and what any of his friends could have done as well.I wouldnt trust him with this. It seems like he is trying to hide something from you that he is afraid you will find just by being a friend on his fbook.If he has stuff he doesnt want you or anybody else to see, he just shouldnt post it to a medium where its basically public to all his friends and then get mad at you for seeing it. His actions have consequences and putting things you dont want people finding on a social networking site is just plain dumb.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Why do you want to be on his FB friends list,is it important to be on his social network page ?
If its because you don't trust him then you shouldn't be together. He may or may not have anything to hide but it clearly annoyed him you had been snooping.
Not really the basis for a good relationship however you look at it.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 October 2011):
 I think you should consider just ending things. He doesn't trust you, you don't trust him. If you can't start over with a clean slate there is no point in starting over. I assume there's a reason too that you snooped. If you're going to get back together, you can't punish each other for things you did prior to getting back together.
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