A
female
age
51-59,
*igger33
writes:hi i need some advice im having an affair have been for 15 months my hubby new some thing was up so packed his bags and left the man im having afaire is also with his wife she suspects too but thay r still together he says he wants to be with me and i belive him but says hes not ready to be with out the kids iv tryed to end it many time but then back down as i do love him verey much but im on my own and need to move on and meat some one who wants me as much as i want them i know this and know he wont leave but how can i break free
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female
reader, tigger33 +, writes (10 May 2007):
tigger33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioniso no what iv done it so wrong and i have never done any thing like it before but it is the mans 3 afair so i no to get out but its so hard but i have made the first move towoards doing it he has rang this morning and i did not anwser and sent him a text to tell him so thanks for your advice and im great full as i dont have any one to speak to
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 May 2007):
 I think your hubby has more "balls" than this guy you're having the affair with. He's too much of a coward to leave the wife and go through all the hassle Irish mentioned below. If he truly loved you he could still see his kids! That's his right!
YOU have to be the strong one and tell him it's over AND MEAN IT!!! I know it will be hard but keep busy, go out with friends and keep thinking positive. Let him know NOT to contact you again until he has found an apartment of his own. (Not to live with you... no way!) This will let you see if he really does have intentions of permanently being with you in the future.
Be strong and take control!!!!! DON'T be a pushover.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): How do you break free from this married man? Well, it might help to hear something that will put this affair into perspective. Why should he mess up a good thing and leave? He is where he wants to be, dear. That is harsh reality. He runs huge risks with his life, and I will point them out to you. 1) he gets to avoid breaking the hearts of his kids 2) he still gets to 'look' like a good family man to all his family and friends 3) he gets to avoid paying alimony and child support 4) he gets to live in his lovely home instead of moving out to a tiny apartment. 5) he gets to avoid disapproval of others close to him for divorcing his wife for another woman. 6) he gets to avoid the legal hassle of splitting (50-50)all his assests, properties, life Insurance policies, savings, stocks, homes, cars, etc, etc..with his wife. 7) he gets to avoid the costly legal bills. Divorcing one's wife is not a cheap venture! And I will tell you, that if she does find out for certain, you are the mistress, she will make both of your lives a living hell. Who can blame her?
So in other words, he gets the mistress (you) , his lovely wife, his home and his family. All tied up in a neat little package. And you are making this all so easy for him. He is the one betraying his wife's trust here. He is the one displaying moral weakness, dishonesty and disrespect for his family. What does that say to you--about his character?
Sweety, this man has conciously made so many mistakes--these little mistakes were decisions and clearcut choices on his part. No one forced him to cheat-he made that decision. He could've remembered his marriage vows and walked away from you when he first laid eyes on you. His marriage has problems...that is for certain. Affairs are symtoms of that. You need to step aside, leave and allow him and his wife fix whatever the problem is. They need to be allowed to keep this marriage strong and keep it intact for the sake of the children.
End this...do the heartbreaking work of leaving him. Do it for his wife and kids and especially...do it for him! Get yourself into some professional counseling...you need to really, come to grips with the fact that you have emotional wounds deep within...wounds and hurt that have you to believe you don't deserve to have "all'of a man's good and wonderful love. A man who is available to you...one who isn't married. One who can give his complete self to just you. Free yourself up to finding that man...not this man that you have to share with another woman. Good luck, dear and please be strong and use some personal courage to get up and just walk away. Take care
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A
female
reader, Maryann6873  +, writes (10 May 2007):
If I seem at all curt, I do apologize. I don't understand how people get themselves in these situations. You are both cheaters - this is ethically wrong. When you were with your husband and this other man at the sametime, where you sleeping with them both? If you were, was is he maybe sleeping the two of you as well? It's been 15 months, so I'm sure they are sexually intimate! How could you be okay with that? Well, unless you have a 'swinger' persona, then I guess I understand. I suggest you move on and meet someone who is available. Does his children know about you? If they don't and he leaves his wife for you, you are going to have a difficult time trying to get through to his children. Since there are children invovled, you need to think of them before yourself. Move on - Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to here.
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