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*hredordie
writes: So my ex and I were getting along fairly well as friends even though I still love her. The semester just ended (we go to the same college), and I went out to drink and celebrate. When I got back, I IM'd her and we were talking lightly, joking, that type of stuff. Then I asked her if she was going home for a bit or if she was staying in town to work, just to find out what her plans were because I am staying in town. Anyway, she is in a relationship, and told me that she was going home for a few days and then going on vacation with this guy and his family for a week. She knows I don't want to hear her talk about him at all, so we got into a little fight. I also was drunk and got emotional and told her how much I still loved her and I think that definitely annoyed her a little bit. However, I think it may have gotten to her? I went on a trip to Montreal with some friends for a couple days, and when I got back home she IM'd me and asked me how the trip was, if I had fun, etc. This caught me off guard, because I thought after what happened the other night, she wouldn't want to talk to me for a little while. Does she still care?
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reader, shredordie +, writes (19 May 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, you can see my new question with the unfortunate update should be posted by now. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the advice and words of wisdom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): This is the choice you have to make; can you be friends with her knowing that she is seeing someone else? If you can't that does not make you a bad person. I can tell you that I have two significant ex-girlfriends and the way I relate to them is very different.
The first, I thought I could never live without her in my life even after she completely broke my heart. It took me a long time to get used to the idea that we would never be a couple again, but when I did, I realized that we really don't have that much in common. We worked great in a relationship, it went as far as it could go but then ended. We really don't have enough to stay good friends, though we still occasionally talk just to catch up. This happens a few times a year and it's nice, but I don't feel like I'm missing much by not talking to her more often. She has a boyfriend that she loves and they live together and most likely will end up married I'm guessing. At one time I never thought I would have said this, but I'm actually really happy for her.
The second is a girl I met soon after the first broke up with me. This obviously caused me some trouble, I had a very hard time opening up fully. She says she was falling in love with me and wanted me to feel the same. Now I know that I did feel that for her, but I wasnn't able to tell her about it until it was too late. I told her I wanted to be with her but she said she needed to at least try something new, dating other people. She said she really wanted to keep me as a friend and I agreed but never stopped hoping she would take me back. Being friends with her was and is so hard because I know I still love her and so many things she says and does make me think she was still in love with me for a long time. Any time I think of her with someone else it makes me crazy. She ended up moving from California back to the east coast and so I really have no hope of us ever getting back together. We keep in touch every few weeks but I would talk to her every day if I could. When I know or think she is single it's very easy and I love talking to her. Currently she is dating someone and it again drives me insane to know this. I haven't figured out how to deal with it, but I think it may be that I love her too much still to be good friends with her.
The point is that there are no real guidelines for how to communicate with someone you still care about but who has moved on. You can try to set ground rules where you never talk about your current relationships, but that is a false friendship. True friends can talk to each other about anything. You have to ask yourself, are you willing to take the chance that it might hurt you to know about her falling for someone else? Are you only talking to her because you still hope to get back together or do you really see her as a friend? It might be that you need to protect yourself and avoid the pain caused by talking to her. If she does ever want you back, chances are she will let you know. If she really does care about you and you tell her you can't be friends because you love her too much, she shouldn't be mad at that. Good luck!
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reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Its obvious she cares but you have to give her some space and let her do her own thing. You need to get your feelings in check because if you cared about her like you say you did you wouldn't put her in a position to tell you know no or make you feel bad. On the other hand, you have to let her know that maybe just maybe you love her too much to just be friends. Now, think about that. Thats a very powerful statement and let her rest on that. You will find that your desparity is not attractive and is more of a turn off then a turn on. Good luck and be safe.
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Yes I think its possible she still cares. On the other hand, and you probably wont like this but here goes, that doesnt mean she cares in a relationship sense or cares enough to get back with you. Nothing you have put here suggests anything out of the ordinary, she may have, recognising you were drunk, decided it was best not to broach it and carry on as if it didnt happen.
If you are still harbouring a hope you will get back together then its something that you need to weigh carefully what you do. If you tell her about it then you do run the risk of seriously damaging the friendship especially given shes with somebody.If you dont then you may never know....ultimately its up to you. Hope that helps.
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