A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We broke up with my bf about a month ago after a year and a half. It was a great relationship, but he saiz, that he wasn't all that happy and so he needed time to be alone and focuse on himself. I gave him that time, even tho it was very hard. We didn't talk for couple of weeks and than I found out I was pregnant. I went to tell him.He freaked out on me. He said if I could get an abortion, that he will pay for it ... he was shocked. I todl him I dont know what i am going to do. the same day I told him, his sister met up with me and tryied to brainwash me. Telling me how much my bf loves me (which I know its true) and that he was considering coming back in couple of weeks and that he never thought the relationship was over ... but he can;t be with me if I keep the child. He said he will take care o the child, but he will never be with me ever again. He said, it is agains his believes and traditions and that he promised himself long time ago, he will never be with a woman that has a baby already because he believes in meeting someone, getting enganged, married and children after all of that ... I understand that ,but isnt it different, when it is your own child ??/ I need help!I know I am not going to keep it ... but I want to know, what you guys think about it/ Is there a guy that thinks the same way over here??? I know most people told me he is an ass for doing this and thinking like this, but he grew up beeing told all this bull crap and now I guess he believes it! I am very confused and dont know what to do. I am 26 and he is 25. I know we ae not ready .. but he should at least be there for me at this moment!I feel like I fall in love with someone, that was not the real him!
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 September 2008):
 I see why you'd be concerned about adoption. It was just an option I wanted to run by you. You do know that you could have an open adoption, where you can see the child whenever you'd like. Anyway, I understand your point there, not trying to talk you into anything. It is completely up to you hon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't do adoption! I can't see myself carrying this baby 9 months, giving birth to it and than giving it away to someone else, knowing he or she lives with someone and I will never see them ... absolutely not! I would rather give it away ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): If he doesn't want the baby, then why not try giving it up for adoption? There are plenty of people out there who can't have children and would love to adopt a child. The waiting list for adoption is so long. I really dont believe in abortion, I think it is simply wrong. Who knows maybe he'll decide to keep the baby if you go throgh with the pregnancy?
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 September 2008):
Well, you seem to know exactly what you need to do, but if I can point out the obvious, as other aunts and uncles have here, he is bad news, and should be avoided. I am sorry to hear that your support system is limited, but please, don't let that fact make you stay with this guy. I, for myself, cant imagine taking the life of a child, may it be an embryo, fetus, or full term baby. Others, however, may need to because of the state of their situations. I don't judge you for choosing to terminate the pregnancy. Have you considered putting it up for adoption? There are a great deal of partners out there that long to have children and cant, and would love to raise your baby. Typically they pay for all medical expenses, and help to make sure you and the baby are safe and healthy throughout the pregnancy. Just an idea:)
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (16 September 2008):
 Many people think that the "right" way to do things are to get a good job, engaged, married, and a child comes later. In today's world, this isnt always the case.
This decision is up to you. If you want to keep the baby, then do it. If you decide to abort, then thats fine too.
Do not make up your mind based on what he or anyone else says b/c you will resent the decision you make if its not your own.
That being said, he is being totally insensitive to you and the situation. He is no longer a child and should start acting like a grown up. Yes, people would like to believe that life is predictable and it will be a certain way, but thats not the way things work, and he should realize this by now.
The very fact that he said he cant be with you if you keep the child tells me that he isnt ready for a relationship and any of the consequences of having a serious and sexual relationship. Part of being with someone is supporting someone in times of crisis and this would have been a good time to show you he is there for you. Instead he ran like a scared little boy. I would end this relationship if it were me, but again, its your life and you decide whats best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): It sounds like Happylife is advising you based on his own feelings about abortion, less than about your case in particular.
It sad that so many pro-lifers look at decisions to have abortions and they can only see possible selfish motivations for any of it. Sometimes the abortion IS the difficult way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is
I am in a very bad situation ..
I am here without a family .. hardly any friends .. and bad financial situation. I feel hat everything speaks against this little one. It has been only 4 weeks now, and so it is really still not a "person" yet, because has no heart ... but in 2 more weeks, he or she will and than Ithink I wont be able o do anything about it.
I dont care i my Bf comes back to me or not.. as a matter of fact, I dont wanthim back. This have opened my eyes, .. I loved someone else .. not him ... this is not, who I fall in love with!!!!
I am very disapointed in him .. but in myself too, becasue I should of known better thatn this.
Anyway
Thank you all
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (16 September 2008):
It is different because it is his child. If he didnt want to have kids before marriage, he should not have laid down with you. Any dummy knows that. I think there is something else going on that he isnt telling you about. Maybe a different girlfriend involved? I'm not saying for sure, but thats what I pick up on by your post. He is old enough to have children, and for marriage. My husbandand I had a child before we got married, it was against his belief to do that as well, however, he also knows that it takes two people to create a life. Your "boyfriend" has disrespected you to no end by forcing you to make a decision that, right now, isnt his to make. Dosnt he know where babies come from?!
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A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (16 September 2008):
Absolutely no abortion. You are an adult and you should face the fact that you are now carrying a human being in you who will grow up to be a beautiful child. Please don't murder your child. As for your boyfriend, he is 100% not worth keeping. Don't fight for him, he is definitely too childish to face the consequences of what he did. Let him take care of his child if he wants to but you be an adult and make the right decision. I got my wife pregnant before we got married. As soon as I found out that she was pregnant, I immediately decided to marry her. We have a gorgeous daughter and my world revolves around her. My daughter is now four months old and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am 28 years old and I'm a proud daddy.
Keep the child and you'll be a proud parent.
Hugs,
Happylife
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A
female
reader, truthfulteacher  +, writes (16 September 2008):
Your are right to think he needs to be there for you, after all it takes two to make a baby! He is being incredibly unsupportive and i am tempted to say that he is calling your bluff by saying he would come back to you if you didnt keep it. He knows you still want to make it work and is using this as a way of getting what he wants.
If he does have strong family values as he is trying to make out he would know that standing by someone who is pregnant with your child is the right thing to do, he needs to grow up and take responsibility for this situation. You need to consider your own needs and the needs of your baby first, be selfish for once and do what will make you happy but remember that if you do decide to keep it he might not be around to help. Please do not get rid of this baby in an attempt to get him back, that will only make you resent him whether you get back together or not. Make up your own mind then let him make his choice
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