A
female
age
30-35,
*uly4th
writes:Please Bare with me because my story is long and detailed. Three years ago, I started working at a Psychiatric Board and Care Facility as a housekeeper. I was 18 then, from being a housekeeper, I changed linens, worked in the kitchen, drove patients to their appointments, and became a medication technician. Now that I am 21 years old, I became the Administrator of the sister company of the facility where I started. I worked at the Psychiatric B and C then I was transferred to gain a much higher role. For 3 years I have had a crush which grew to a very strong feelings for the son (25 yrs old) of the owner. For 3 years I knew him as a serious guy, very attractive, and has limited interaction with all staff. Every time he visits the facilities he only goes to the office do some paper work then leaves. Within those 3 years I have heard that he has a girlfriend with two kids. So, I thought there is no way I am going to have a chance with this wonderful guy. Exactly a week ago(Tuesday), I sat him down and confronted him. I asked if he has a girlfriend and he said that they had split up back in December which was 7 months ago. I asked if he was attracted to me and he immediately said yes. For a while we were just staring at each other which was very nerve wrecking for me and him. He finally took the initiative to ask me out to go out on Saturday. The whole day Tuesday we were both very scared and nervous around each other. We spoke for about three hours that same day which lead to dinner. During Tuesday night, he admitted that he has always liked me since I started working. That same night he held my hand and hugged me. Sparks were flying everywhere.. It was like a high school crush I've never had. He also said that he felt like it was too. He admitted that he doesn't come often to the facility where I am the administrator of because he didn't want to be around me too much because he gets nervous. He then asked me to see him Friday to watch the fireworks for 4th of July. Came Friday, he showed up at work with a hello kitty stuffed animal which he claimed reminded him of me so he bought it. We went to the firework show but we decided to go to his house instead and watch dragon ball because we found out that we have a lot of common interests. While driving to the freeway he mention that he wants to make it a tradition for his future family to drive down the freeway on 4th of July to see all kinds of fireworks. We went to his house (it was on top of a hill overlooking freeways and city) it was very romantic. We kissed and ended up sleeping together. While we were in the middle of sex, he whispered that he might be falling in love with me. He said he has never been this happy for a very long time. At the end of Friday night he told me that he loves me and asked me to be his girlfriend because I've had feelings for him for a very long time I said it back. And I meant it. To make the story short, we spend the whole weekend together. Saturday, he cooked for me, introduced me to his brother and Mother. Sunday we went rock climbing with his brother. and then him and I went to eat dinner and then get frozen Yogurt and then dropped me off home. He told me of his ex, who he was with for 4 years on and off. His ex cheated on her boyfriend with my boyfriend 4 years ago. They ended up being together then they broke up. She then went back to her ex, and got pregnant. She then went back to my boyfriend after having a child then broke up with him then went to her ex and then had another child and went back to my boyfriend. To top this off, my boyfriend proposed to her last September because he wanted to just stop all this going back and fourth thinking it will end if they are married. My boyfriend then realized how sad his life is and what he is doing to it by accepting this girl who has gone twice and got pregnant. So, he broke everything off. She married her ex (the father of the two kids). But, she's still texting my boyfriend. My boyfriend told me that a month before we started dating he got really depressed about his life. He asked why he cant find a decent girl. He told me that a year ago, he told his buddies that he wants a girl like me. A girl who is tough, knows how to get her hands dirty and won't let him down if worse comes to worse. He even texted his friends how I was a keeper and then later showed me those messages. While getting frozen yogurt, we talked about everything. He showed me their text messages. There were two parts that hurt me. She asked if he was happy and why hes with me, and he replied, "well she's not married". For me I took it as if shes not they would still be together. LIke a good relationship I told him that it hurt me and he apologized. He said he understand how it might have hurt me and he will fix it. He sent a message to her saying that they had a good run, but it cant keep going and its the last time. that he had found someone who he loves now and is happy. and he said goodbye. She replied goodluck and I hope you're happy. It was a closure for them, but now I am all these negative thoughts in my head that I feel like I am a rebound. I can't help feel that he still loves her. When Im with him I feel secure and I feel his love. The way he always looks at me, the way he holds me when we sleep, the way he takes care of me, he told his mom he loves me. But, in the back of my head I feel like he is using me. At the same I want to believe that he loves me like he said he does. He told me that he had found his warrior princess. THe one who is going to stick with him through thick and thin. I need serious advice with this. I do love him, I just cant seem to get over the fact that he accepted his ex after everything. Im thinking he loves her so much and I don't think 7 months is enough to forget her. He said he doesn't love her anymore, and He is over her that why he sent that text. He also said that he is mine now and im his. He always tells me he loves me in the morning text. He texts me throughout the day and everything.
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at work, broke up, crush, depressed, has a girlfriend, her ex, his ex, spark, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 July 2014):
Trust takes time. You can't expect to feel everything after just a week and everyone has their flaws and mistakes. You should slow down and smell the flowers. It sounds like you might be turning yourself into a rebound.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 July 2014):
 Youwish is ABSOLUTELY right!!
This guy has creep written all over him and if I were you, honey I would run for the hills. Look at the warning signs from the word go:
"...he mention that he wants to make it a tradition for his future family to drive down the freeway on 4th of July to see all kinds of fireworks. " What does that even mean? He's on the first date with you and he's implying that he wants to have a family with you, and he doesn't even KNOW you yet!!
"While we were in the middle of sex, he whispered that he might be falling in love with me". First, you should never have had sex on the 1st date because you dont know this guy from Adam! Having a crush on someone and having a relationship with them are totally different!! And he tells you that he loves you on the 1st date itself? No...wrong...its all wrong!
"Saturday, he cooked for me, introduced me to his brother and Mother." So in just one day he loves you and you meet his family. Don't you sense that something is very off here? I'll get to that and you'll see why.
"My boyfriend then realized how sad his life is and what he is doing to it by accepting this girl who has gone twice and got pregnant. So, he broke everything off. She married her ex. But, she's still texting my boyfriend." This is the kicker! SHE is texting your boyfriend? And what is he doing? Is he a babe in the woods? If he's cut her out of his life then why is he even acknowledging her texts? How does it matter what she's doing if he's not interested?
OP there are two things that I'm feeling here and they are both not in your favour.
First, he's slammed the accelerator and is really hurrying things with you, he might even propose to you really soon and want to get married, just to get back at his ex, who he is not over and maybe never will be. SHE left him. He wanted her back despite all her flaws and still does and that is why she is such a major factor in his decision-making process. This is all a way to make her jealous and maybe have her want him once again.
Second, he's an obsessive creep, he obsessed about his ex and now he's obsessed with you. Youwish is bang on target when she says you're lucky if you're just the rebound girl since then its easier to get away from him because if its the 2nd scenario and he's an obsessive stalker, then you've had it.
We don't mean to scare you but you don't know this guy at ALL! Stop trusting him so much and hold back immediately. This is way way WAAAAAY too soon in the relationship to be talking about stuff like this. People in healthy, long-term relationships don't indulge in this creepy "I'm-yours-for-ever-and-ever and I'm-yours-and-you're-mine" behavior!
This is stalker stuff combined with the fact that he's still not over his ex. He's exhibited his obsessiveness by the fact that he accepted his ex despite the fact that she put him through all that shit and now he's found you to focus his energy upon. I can bet my bottom dollar on the fact that he thinks of his ex when he makes love to you and the reason why he hurried into sex with you on the first date was to vent out his sexual frustrations regarding her. I know you don't want to hear this, but I have a feeling this is all very, VERY wrong and bad and you should get out of it right NOW.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 July 2014):
 Yep. He's a flake. I don't know if he is also a potential stalker, but he is SO using you to thumb his nose at his ex. What, he gets laid ( pardon , he spends a happy weekend with a new conquest )- and this is debated with his ex ?? she should not even know - or care making about it, and he should not care about her know.
And the part where you were supposed to go see the fireworks together, - an official first date , but then ,guess what ,you ended up at his home and in bed together. Why am I not surprised.
But, all is well because after a couple of days together, now he is yours and you are his forever.
Warch out , ... I've got the feeling that your inner Xena this time is cruising for a bad emotional bruisisng...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2014):
 Oh yeah, this guy's a flake and a half.
Seriously, you both have been dating EXACTLY ONE WEEK.
You've already gone straight to sex, where he's telling you he's falling in love with you, and you BOUGHT it?! That's WAY WAY WAY too fast, not to mention that he's still texting his ex ABOUT YOU. This is almost as if he's with you to get her jealous or to make her upset at how she treated him.
ONE WEEK, and he's calling you his "Warrior princess" and talking about "through thick and thin", and you're soaking it all up. How can you love a guy after a week? Knowing about him and having a crush on him for 3 years isn't the same as dating and getting to know him. Things are moving way too fast, with way too much drama, and it feels manufactured.
There is something really wrong here. I think you're getting used, and I don't think this is going to end well for you. Why are you looking at his texts? Why is his ex a primary discussion topic within the first week of your relationship? It's disturbing and it seems a real put-on.
He's texting his friends about what a keeper you are and showing you the texts? He's talking about a girl who won't let him down when worse comes to worst? Sorry, but the cynic in me would have every hair on the back of my neck standing straight up hearing that stuff. That's creepy stalker speak, because in the very first WEEK of a relationship, why is that coming up?? Something is radically wrong here.
The really bad part is the whole "I am yours and you are mine" thing. That is terrifying to me that this is first week talk. If you're lucky, he's just a flake who's rebounding from his ex, but if you're not lucky, run like hell from this relationship, because it's got serious danger written all over it. This is really not good. This is bad, this is bad, this is bad.
You do not know anything about him, and I think you should run like bloody hell. None of this is the least bit normal, and it's frankly really terrifying the way you're describing this.
Am I seeing this wrong, other aunts?! I got stalked by a guy like this who started this exact line of talk, and it was a traumatic and extremely terrifying experience, and the guy was dangerous. I want to make sure I'm not biased by my experience, but my spider senses are going off the scale with this one.
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