A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My brothers best friend is my friend. He knows my family. Everyone suggest that we should date. He asked me out. He is every thing anyone would want in a guy. Cute and a great personality but I feel weird thinking if him that way. I want to think of him that way but it feels so weird. Will the feeling ever go away and turn out to be something great or is this a gut feeling warning me not to proceed a a deeper relationship. (more than friends)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2014): OP you can't force yourself to be okay with it and your gut is giving you good warnings.
I don't know about your brother but in my family best friends are off limits. I have three younger sisters, it would crush them and they'd literally hate their best friends if they got with me and I would knock the shit out of any of my friends that got with any of my sisters too.
There's too much of a conflict of interest and frankly, OP the only reason you sound keen is because you have idiot hopeless romantic friends that have watched too much Twilight and think you should.
The feeling will never go away, because your brother's best friend is pretty much a family friend and almost a second brother.
My best friend has a very cute sister and she's awesome too, a lot like him and really chilled out. I just can't see her in any sexual way though, even in fantasy it would just feel wrong. I've known her nearly 2 decades and seen many of her boyfriends come and go, she makes a great girlfriend and if she wasn't practically a sister to me I know I'd have feelings for her, but because she is I know I could never switch my brain into gaining feelings for her either.
"I want to think of him that way but it feels so weird."
Yeah because on paper he's perfect, the fact he's your brother's friend means you and he get on well too, but it'll be impossible to see him in a romantic light, OP.
Go with your gut, if you could have feelings for the guy or could see him in a romantic way it would have happened already.
Never get with someone based solely on "everyone" thinking you'd be great together "everyone" doesn't know shit, you need that desire and fire, you need to actually lust after and want the guy, and you don't. You like the idea of him but the reality is you can bring yourself to find the idea truly appealing.
He's practically your brother, can you imagine your best friend coming to you talking about her sexual relationship with your brother if that happened? It'd be a mess.
Best to steer clear in my opinion, a bit of strange is never worth risking your brother's closest friendship, even if he does say it's okay, it'll change the very nature of his friendship with his best buddy. Imagine then something goes wrong and your brother has to take sides, that'd be your fault by default for not steering clear.
A
female
reader, elsiecrane +, writes (9 July 2014):
Agreeing with the previous answer. It can get really messy and awkward if it doesnt work out. Dont let anyone pressure you if your not feeling it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2014):
 How long have your brother and he been friends? It may just be that you've thought about him as a brother type for so long that it's almost like that platonic brother vibe makes thinking about him in a sexual way seem a bit weird, like the aversion to the thought of being serious with your brother himself.
Your gut serves you well, so if you're interested in seeing him, go extra slow and see if the contact in a new light may help change how you feel. If you're not interested in him that way after a couple of dates, there's no harm, no foul.
However, if his best friend is a new friend, your gut may be a deeper subconscious thing. Either way, don't dismiss it, and keep it slow.
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