A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After the first year of being together my boyfriend went behind my back, met up with for coffee, and saved half naked photos of her on his computer. He didn't tell me, but it all came out in the end. We rowed and decided to give it one last go. It's been just under a year since and he's been the perfect boyfriend. But now, one of his OTHER exes wants to meet up with him for Christmas. Ecen though it's a different ex, I am going out of my mind with worry that'll turn into what happened last year. I feel reeaaaaallly uncomfortable. What do I do/what am I allowed to say? PLease PLEASE help :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Ask him why he needs his ex's when he's got you. Ask him how he would feel if you did the same thing with one of your ex's. Maybe smile sweetly and say yes, invite her over, I'll cook something nice for the three of us.
A
female
reader, metalheadmom +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Ask him why he has such problems with committed relationships. Obviously, he is not good at it. Either he doesn't know how, or he doesn't care. Then ask him why he believes he can be just friends with any of his exes. Then, ask him how staying in contact with past lovers benefits your relationship - - not how it benefits him - how it benefits both of you.
If he claims he is completely in control, void of any wrong intent, and is within his rights to keep his intimate past in your current relationship, you are wasting your time with him. He obviously has no clue what a committed relationship is, and isn't going to learn any time soon.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Seems like he thinks he is still single. I would sit him down and ask him why he can't let the past go. No, actually I not be with a guy who is still so invested in ex's.
Though, I don't see why you can't keep in contact with an ex, but.... no naked pictures, that is just gross & disrespectful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Just say you feel really uncomfortable about him meeting up with his ex, and you would rather he didn't in the light of what happened last year. You let that incident go but not this time. One slip-up is allowed, but it's testing you again and you are not happy about it. I think that's fair enough.
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 well first of all you need to find out why exactly all these exes think that hes available to meet up with him?? Is he making himself look available or is it just by chance that they decide that now is the time for a reconciliation??
And what does he say about this?? You are well within your rights to lay down the ground rules of your relationship here, as he has done it once before.
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