A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing a guy Id been talking to on a dating site. We seem to hit it off really quickly once we'd met and things became prety intense. We were in contact everyday.He spoke about us going away to visit his friends and he met some of my friends and children. I was going on a pre-booked holiday to friends and he made me promise to come back to him and we made plans for my return. We text and mailed everyday until the Wed, then on the Thurs he text me saying that he'd had a long talk with his ex and they were getting back together!! talk about gutted. This happened 2 weeks ago and I cant stop thinking about him and just wondered if I should email him to answer some of my questions to maybe give me some closure. Help
View related questions:
his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): I agree with the other excellent advice. You should not email him. If he had genuine feelings for you, he would not have broken up with you in the way that he did. Perhaps things could end slightly different if he took the time and showed you the respect you deserved to end things more properly. As much as it hurts, I'm afraid I don't think he can, nor will, want to give you the closure you want. His actions were clear: he does not have regard for your welfare - his thoughts are with him and his "ex".
You will get the closure you need without him; it will come from having the strength to see it was not your fault for him choosing his ex but rather he was the wrong guy for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Intense and hit it off right away. This is significant.
How long did you two date for, was it indeed mutual? When did the talk of being together and we are committed and serious and this is headed for long term, conversation occur?
Do you yourself, have a tendancy to become easily attacted and fall in love in a heartbeat?
Do you tend to idealize relationships? Are you more romantically inclined to be the one who does most of the falling in love, and more willing to find that soul mate or perfect someone?
Are you someone who is lead by her heart or her head?
All in all, I totally agree with Irish.
He hadn't been fully honest and did he give the real reason him and his wife were separated/divorced? Could it be because he is not very good at being faithful? Could it be that this is a pattern of his "Love"?
He sounds like someone who falls in and out of love rather quickly and uses another to help him fall out of love with someone; which isn't healthy and does not have him as being a reliable man. He isn't emotionally stable.
There is no reason to email him-he doesn't care about you and your feelings and closure is an alien concept let alone how to be honest and loving.
Wave goodbye and count your blessings.
Best Wishes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Hello, hun. I've read your posting and I am wondering, what more do you need from this man. He was untrustworthy, he was unfair to you and he was dishonest. He knew all the time he dated you that he still harbored deep feelings for his ex. While I understand your frustration, your anger, your hurt--I just want to say no matter how it hurts, it's time to think, rationally. When we have people like this who come into our lives and cause deep pain...the best thing you can do is keep him the hell out of your life. So no, do not email him. He did not exactly enhance your life did he, especially in the way he left you to deal with your hurt. Frankly, I think you are better than him by a long shot and be lucky you didn't waste a longer period of time on this ass. His ex can have him and she can keep him. Let this go, dear. I know it's maddening but thinking on this incident over and over again is causing you to hurt over and over again. Why do that to yourself, hun? He's not worth it. The best you can do now, is forget the closure. Writing him an e-mail will not do you any good because you and I both know he will not respond. This will cause you to feel the pain of 'rejection' all over again. I want you to know, it's normal to want closure in whatever way we can get it but sometimes it's really futile. He dumped you by text message, dear. So we know he's a weak man to have been so dishonest with you. Do you honestly think he'll care enough to give you that closure? So don't waste your time e-mailing him. The best thing you can do right now, is learn from this experience and tell yourself, you will be more careful with your choices in the future and whom you hand your heart over to, so readily. Just work this through, get mad-punch your pillow, get sad-bawl your eyes out, vent to a really understanding friend but you need to grieve, recover and move on with life. Better days lay a head for you..learn take your time choosing who is good for you and your life. Good luck, hun and I wish you the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 I don't see any harm in emailing him to ask questions. There's nothing worse than being dumped with no explanation. However, don't build up your hopes that he'll answer them, or change his mind. Whatever his reasons, you're going to have to accept his decision and move on, even though it's difficult. I can understand why you feel the need to know exactly why it happened so suddenly, but in the end it won't make any difference to the situation. Please don't let it affect your self-esteem though. You wouldn't have wanted to be with someone who was still in love with another woman, or someone who doesn't have the decency to talk to you face to face rather than tell you by text. Be thankful that this didn't happen further down the line when you might have been even more emotionally entangled. Pick yourself up and get on with meeting new people and remember you're worthy of someone more caring. Good luck!
...............................
|
