A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiance for 5 years now. We have our second child on the way, he's a great guy and a great dad, however I am having a big issue with him. He watches porn EVERY SINGLE DAY when I am asleep, and it's starting to really bother me. I tried to bring it up to him, and he said "I didn't know it bothered you so much" or something to that effect, and I said "I don't care that you watch porn. You're a guy. I care that you watch it EVERY SINGLE DAY." He works second shift, so when he gets home I am already asleep. I realize that because of that, we can't have sex as often as we both would like, however I am not masturbating or watching porn every day because of it. He's such a sensitive person that everything I say he takes personally and thinks I am attacking him. Short of password protecting the computer so that he can't access those sites, how can I get him to stop watching porn so often? It's to the point that on days he doesn't work, we will have sex somewhere between midnight and 2 am, and then the next morning he will watch porn. Just a matter of a few hours later. It is really starting to bother me! I don't mind porn on occasion, but I'm tired of him watching it on a daily basis. I don't want to start a fight, but I need him to stop!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 It sounds like he's just been in the habit of watching pornography every day for so long, that it's a problem to go a day without. In other words, a habitual user. Since he is getting so defensive about the issue but it's also driving you apart, you two should seek some kind of counseling to see if you can work something out. My guess is if he was able to break the habit of the daily porn, it would be much easier to limit himself to an amount that doesn't bother you so much.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 From what you have said I assumeing that your sex life is still good and has not declined. It would be good to cut down on the porn but some guys can't masturbate without it and we tend to have been doing it for so long that it becomes a habit. Personally I can usually masturbate the morning after having sex because of the fresh memories.
If the porn isn't interfering in your sex life or any other aspect I think that you two need to compromise but you really can't take it too far then. He could be doing something actually bad like drinking when he gets home all the time.
I strongly beleive that porn is only to blame when the relationship is neglected for it but if the sex and comunication is still strong then I don't see any issue.
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (19 October 2010):
Realize that pornography is a clinical addiction. If you want him to stop, it can take rehabilitation with professionals and follow-up support groups to make it happen.That being said, porn can damage a relationship in the same way that cheating does. He may be sensitive, but if you NEED him to change then he is going to have to man up and deal with it.You need to sit on your own, and ask yourself how he needs to change. If you are okay with him watching some, you need to specifically figure out how much. You have to do this on your own and then present it to him. Unfortunately, it is not something you can compromise on without it hurting you as much as it does now.If he loves you, he will change.
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