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female
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anonymous
writes: What i want to know is do you think i have truely messed up everything that was great? I have been dating his wonderful person for 3 months and have just done the most stupid thing i can think of - i decided to tell him how he's feeling and not in nice terms! Now its been nearly thre days when i heard from him last and i feel absolutely gutted that i have ruined everythign that was great. You hear it all the time women complaining about there being no decent guys out there and yet i found one and pushed him so far away that he might as well be on mars! It was stupid really i complained about him telling him he must just not be that into me cause he doesnt text as often as he used to but when he does he is telling me how much he misses me! what an idiot i am, but what can i do? He hasnt replied and i feel like i can't ring him cause i have overstepped the mark and anything i say now will make it worse. I know im gonna have to wait it out and see if he ever replies, but its killing me inside. Please help me i need all the advice i can get cause my own thought are upsetting me more! Thank You
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female
reader, natalie1 +, writes (5 June 2006):
I did the same thing to my bf in our second month. The thing is that he actually spoke me through the way i was feeling. And explained away my concerns. But he was not happy. In his opinion he felt that i was actually disrespecting him to "tell him what he feels" for me. And went on to say that is womans biggest problem when it comes to men. They are always complaining that guys are not that into them or we have problem with our bodies etc. He said that it makes men feel like idiots and really angry. As it undermines there opinion. When all it is, is our own insecurity.After 4 months we are now getting married. And are madly in love. All it took was me being really humble and telling him truthfully why i felt that way. Try to get the lines of communication open. Dont be to proud to contact him via telephone. As you made the mistake its up to you to make the apologies. Tell him that you understand if he does not want to be with you anymore. But you respect and like him to much to just have him walk out your life without making some effort to repair the damage you have done. But dont bug him. And accept whatever descision he makes with grace and strength. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006): Anja has a cute idea about the sign on the forehead. lol Humor really does lighten things up and it shows you are fun! Firstly, never feel like an idiot for expressing something that bothers you. I do think you made the common mistake of telling him something that did upset him. That's could have been rather unsettling to a guy trying to get established in a new relationship. In a long established relationship, when a couple understand and know each other's quirks, this is something you could have done with little or no reprucussions. But..you two are in the beginning phases (3 months, only). You are both are still learning about each other and gauging each other's personalities. . That's the time, that one has to get a grip on their insecurities and try not to allow that to over ride their clear thinking. You made an error in judgement..it was just too soon to be bringing up this issue. And.. never get upset, nasty or irate when discussing feelings and thoughts with anyone. We stay calm, mature and respectful, at all times. Call him up and apologize for what happened. And remember, he owes you nothing..you two are merely dating. Dating is a selection process to finding the one, that suits us best. Guys seem to have no problem remembering this concept but many women let their feelings get away on them and forget this. So, bite the bullet and go talk to him. He may or may not want to date again. One does'nt know. If he doesn't...then just walk away and learn from this.
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A
male
reader, richierich79 +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Ooh thats tough. As a male, and a good male, I understand from the inside what it is like to posses the qualities women are looking for. I am that "nice guy". But if you disrespect me, I will stand up for myslef I am not a door mat. You, out of your own insecurity have treated your man poorly. He does need time, let him decied what he likes better, being alone or being with you. Let him know the door is open if he wants to talk, then back off for a bit. Don't let him forget you are around[send a text maybe weekly] but don't beg or bother him, just say hi, or I miss you. He needs time, but if it's right and you give him the time, he will see you respect him again.
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (2 June 2006):
 We women really are crazy huh?!! Bet he is wondering what to do himself as well. Actions speak louder then words, I reckon you should just turn up where he lives and have a sign stuck to your head 'idiot', and declare how much you really like him. He will laugh at the absurdity of it...and be really touched that you made the effort to turn up and stick a sign to your head! Sorry I have a warped sense of humour, but I have tried this sort of thing before with positive results....
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Write him a letter. Keep it light hearted and tell him you have no idea why you said it and you regret it but were having a wobbly moment. Just tell him you love spending time with him and you hope you haven't freaked him out. Tell him it'd be nice to see him again soon. The leave him and don't text and text if he doesn't contact. Be cool, he'll like you for it.
Think about what he does say when he says it, not about how often he says it. Don't rush things, 3 months is still early. Don't get too heavy, let it take its course.
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