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writes: i need advise quick, i am really scared that i am losing my boyfriend ( well i dont even know whether we are together anymore) he lost a very close relative just over a month ago and just after the funeral he told me he needed space, i haven't heard off him since have i lost him?? we had so many laughs together and miss him dearly, he has left clothes at my house and when i txt him to ask what to do with them he never replies, i have txt many a times saying i am here for him and that i love him but he hasn't replied i am missing him so much, every where i go i think he should be with me, he lives quite far away from me and his ex lives by him i know he see's his ex alot because of what has happened but i dont know what he is tellin her whether there back together?? what do i do i carnt be with out him???
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reader, richierich79 +, writes (2 June 2006):
 It sounds like you have done all the right things. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him/her drink. If he has broken off the communication than I suggest you move on unless he changes his mind. There is much better things to do with your time than wait for someone who has closed the door on you. He knows you are there. I think that you should do something to benefit your life. Work out, read, work on a hobbie or a career. Self improvement is impowering and gives life an easier perspective. You are not stuck on one man who doesn't want you, you are comfortable with him around. Maybe I have it all wrong, and he is dealing with the death, but in that case, you have still done all you can do. Stay busy, life will come to you.
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Bereavement effects people differently. If he needs space give it to him. At the moment he's lost in his grief. He'll come back when he's ready. For now, you have to just accept it and be there for when he needs you. Please don't text him if you expect a reply. If every so often you want to let him know you're thinking about him and are there for him, fine. But if you're doing it to get him to reply, don't. He won't care about his clothes or anything right now. You have to try really hard to not think about yourself and how upset him going is, but think of him and how upset he is. There is no time frame to attatch to grieving and this must be so very isolating and frustrating for you. Try to be supportive. Thinking about his ex isn't the answer. He just needs to do his own thing but don't automatically think if he's not with you he's with someone else. I'm not sure how long you can 'wait' but obviously there'll come a time when you'll want to know what's going on, but tread carefully and try not to pressure or push. Gauge how he's feeling and take his loss into consideration. I know you have a loss of your own going on, but he's still there somewhere, take comfort in that and just be as patient as you can.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006): People take relatives passing away very hard. When my grandfather passed away, i stopped eating, drinking, sleeping and i would just switch off. He might just be clearing his head and people trying to console him will probably make him feel worse, because it will seem like you are trying to understand what he is going through. I would suggest sending him one last txt saying that you are here for him, you love him and will be at his side whenever he needs you. After that i would stop.
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