A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I over reacting?I noticed my husband was being a bit strange with me and couldn't sleep, went downstairs and found dating sites on the internet that he had joined.It was then that I noticed his phone was always in his pocket whereas before it had always been kept in the kitchen. I waited untill he was asleep and then snuck his phone downstairs. Going through it I realised that there were 2 numbers for a bloke he worked with and that a text from the bloke said he had had cervical cancer?His phone bill came a few days later and I opened it which I never do and this number had been texted over 80 times yet every message sent to it had been deleted and every message received too.I quieried him about it and after a while he admitted that it was the number of a 24 yr old girl he works with who had just recently started giving him a lift an hour early every morning?He says I'm over-reacting and that nothing was going on, but now all of a sudden shes not giving him a lift anymore and they're not talking either?My friends say I should be happy but what with the dating sites and now the texts I just don't trust him.Prehaps I am just looking subconsiously for a way out and any little excuse will do, I'm so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone for your responses, they were gratefully received.
My husband and I have discussed our issues and decided that we were lacking communication within our relationship.
We are working to resolve this for the sake of our three children and it will be hard, I keep finding myself wanting to check his phone, which I haven't done. I also keep checking his e-mail which I know I shouldn't do.
Thankyou again, it all seems a bit easier to bear when you can write it down, hope I will be helpful one day too.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Hi
Only you know if you are looking for a way out, but, it sounds like there was something going on with the work mate & maybe now they have had a tiff.
You need to do some serious talking, look him in the eye & ask him, is he actually happy anymore?
Unless hes a heartless so n so, he wont be able to lie hopefully.
I hope you get this sorted.
I cant stand hearing about attached blokes joining dating sites. Its nasty for their partners/wives & its nasty for the poor unsuspecting women that join them to actually meet someone worth their time. Who knows what their pasts are like & the last thing they need is some toss pot leading them up the garden path.
I hope you get some truth.
Take care.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 You caught him in a lie. With this knowledge, do you think there is mutual trust and respect in this marriage? If you don't think so, then there is some hard work ahead for the both of you. Provided both of you want to save this marriage.
You know there is trouble, and if there is to be any hope for the marriage he needs to admit the depth of the trouble without equivocation. If he denies and deflects and minimizes your concerns then it's probably time for a break, or counselling, or both.
Do you have children?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): You are absolutely not overreacting in the least. Clearly he is having completely inappropriate contact with another woman (which is evidenced in the secrecy of the whole thing, so don't fool yourself) and you DESERVE an explanation immediately! An honest one at that. DO NOT let this go until you get the answers that you deserve. Cause as of now, he is lying to you. And if he can't produce a reasonable honest explanation for you to ponder, then kick him out the door cause he is WAY out of line, for both cheating AND for lying.
And the dating sites??? WTF is his problem???
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Apparently he was indeed texting this 24-yr.old woman, but once you confronted him, he ended it. Okay, I wouldn't worry too much about that part because it appears that he did the right thing by ending their little whatever-it-was. But what worries me is the fact that he joined a dating site. Did you ask him about that as well? To me, it show he's on the hunt for something or someone other than you and that would be where my concern would lie. The 24-yr.old work buddy may have been nothing but the dating sites are on-going in my opinion. You mentioned that you wonder if you're looking for any little excuse as a way out -- are you wanting a way out? Have you fallen out of love with your husband? Are you bored, feeling trapped or neglected? I think the two of you have alot more to talk about. Schedule a time and see what comes out of these discussions. It could be that you've both fallen in a 'rut' in this relationship and it's time to spice things up before you both end up doing something you'll regret later. Good luck.
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